It is again all over the place. I don't know what to do for the best and cannot believe I have allowed a bunch of people to cause me such pain and misery. Last night I tried to tie up a few loose ends and tried to build some bridges and tried to chat about why I have left. I wanted to try and explain that I realised I was ill and it wasn't all their fault but I left before I got worse. Anyway in the usual typical way these things go I hadn't got very far before it was decided that they absolutely had to go offline at that exact moment. It always happens and it always hurts:just when I need to talk they disappear or on other occasions trawl out all their problems and then leave. I give up now as this is mean't to be a supportive group but I was not the agony aunt and needed some help myself but never ever got it and in fact I have given so much and had so much of my spirit sapped from me its just not worth it.
I want to be that happy person again, the one who laughed and saw the fun in life and its not just them but they are a big part of why I am the crumbling mess I am at this point in time but now the loose ends are tied we can all move forward.
5 hours ago