Thursday, June 29, 2006

Baby news

My brother and his girlfriend had the 20 week scan today and all is fine. We now know that we will have a new baby boy in the family and I am really chuffed. I didn't mind as long as it was healthy but out of all the babies born I know of lately they have been almost exclusively girls. The radiographer was apparently absolutely definite that she had this correct as she described my nephew to be as having 3 legs. I now have weird mental images of what this poor chap is going to be like but I am sure that is a gross exaggeration lol.
It seems weird to think I will be an auntie this year but I am going to start looking for things to knit and sew soon. I think I may change my rotation after this round as I am building up a collection of obligation pieces that need to be done:

A baby hat for my friends daughters birthday in October.
The same little girls birth sampler.
A birth sampler for my nephew.
Something knitted-maybe another hat or mittens for my nephew.

I did think about getting the new Patons kit for the last one as they do one now which has new born essentials containing hat, mittens and booties. This would also be a slight learning curve for me as there would be a bit more shaping and twiddly bits involved in it. I am still very much a novice so can't go mad but think this could be a good start.
I am also off for the weekend again and this time me and Gina are taking a Judy Dixon class. Gina has been several times but this will be my first experience. This one is in drawn thread and hardanger, which I have done haphazardly so I would like some expert input. Then on Saturday evening we are meeting Maria for dinner so it's going to be a fun packed and busy weekemd.
Finally I am again away next weekend but I will blog about that in the week and then my social life will quieten down a bit and I can gear up for the next ones.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The downsides of Get together's

Is that they never last long enough and that my credit card is severley rattled at all the things I now have in my wish list. Not only did we have all the beautiful wips and finishes on show but Karolines house where the GTG took place is crammed full of samplers which are just to my taste. Some I have here in my stash and other's will probably get added at some point but for now I need to keep my wip count down.
It was so nice to see everyone again and have a good old chat and catch up. This is the furthest I have been to a get together but it wasn't as bad travelling as I thought and apart from falling asleep in front of Big brother Sunday night I haven't realy had any extra tiredness from it.
So now we gear up for the next one a week Saturday, again up north but not quite so far and this time Kate is the host. There is also a good needlework shop in the area and we will probably visit that on the Sunday. That time I will try and take pictures as I forgot to take my camera out for this one. I think everyone was the same as so far only one group picture has been posted.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Off we go a wandering

Tomorrow I am off to my first overnighter stitchers gtg. I am really looking forward to it and a much needed break. It will mean an extremely early start tomorrow but thats not a bother and I have camera charged so I can share lots of pictures afterwards.
In other news everything is ticking along ok and this week I had my second visit to the psychologist and I have to say she is fantastic and has made me see things on so many other levels and this time I haven't had that awful after effect either. The sessions have also made me evaluate things we haven't discussed and some of my anger and distress over the group are now starting to make sense too. I still know I am a long way from total peace and not sure such a thing is possible when dealing with a chronic illness but I know the brave step of asking for this help was worth it.
I don't seem to have alot of news at the moment to blog about, but I have a busy summer coming up so I will be able to post lots of piccies of happy times. :-)

Monday, June 12, 2006

I am in the clear

After a very long tiring day I am much relieved as everything is fine and I have no serious abnormalities. I do have a small cyst but apparently they are very common and shouldn't cause me and problem. I think the one stop clinic is an excellent idea but that waiting after all the tests are done is not so good. This clinic sees everyone and sends them for appropriate tests and once they have gone through they start on calling you back for the results. I have to say most came out with smiles but one has to have further investigations and another was admitted straight away. Given the statistics that's probably about right but statistics mean nothing when you are the one who goes the wrong way. It really does show how precious life is and it can turn both good and bad on an axle and really living for the hear and now is possibly the best attitude.
Anyway onto other stuff. The OU reunion was absolutely superb on Friday night and I don't think I have laughed so much in a very long time. Several pictures were taken and one even showed our tutor with a shiny halo above his head. I don't know whether it was a trick of the light or something on the wall but it was rather amusing. I got back quite late but felt really good considering I also dialysed that day. The following day I went into town and then stitched with the England match on in the background.
It has been so hot this weekend and I managed to relax and chill out in the garden with my book and generally this is something we are not used to in this country. The weather broke early today with a big thunderstorm and lots of rain, but it looks like the good weather will be back in the next day or two.
Finally can you believe that tomorrow spells a year of blogging? It doesn't seem possible really and I haven't kept to my goal of blogging every day but it's fairly regular and I hope at times of interest to read. I have found it very therapeutic when coping with the problems of this year and I hope that my upset's have been countered by the good stuff.

Thursday, June 08, 2006

What a great suprise!!

Yesterday I received a suprise package in the post. I got Tocatta number 1, the fabric and some Vicki Claytons to stitch it with. I think I know who posted it, but whether it was on behalf of someone else or from them I am not sure. It was on my wishlist and it was a fantastic suprise and I am thrilled to bits with it. Whoever you are many thanks once again and it was a lovely thing to receive.
Today is dads birthday so we have been out for a lovely lunch and generally having a chilled out day, but I think on the whole he is enjoying it. Tomorrow I have my OU reunion which I am looking forward to but I just hope I feel ok after dialysing. Lately I have been very tired and Friday's are worse so I have my fingers crossed that it will be ok. It is taking place at one of the students house in Bath so I will be going up by train, but getting a lift to and from the station. It is also an evening thing and I don't think it will be a mega late night.
One piece of bad news is that I found a tiny lump in my breast a couple of weeks ago and my GP has referred me to the specialist clinic. He is almost positive it is nothing but they have a protocol that if they can feel it you must go to this clinic. It is a one-stop place and you get the results on the day and I go straight after dialysis on Monday. I only got referred on Tuesday so that isn't bad going. At present I don't feel too concerned but of course there is that inevitable niggle in the back of my mind, but my GP was so reassuring that has helped alot with how I feel. I so don't need this extra concern at the moment but at least it isn't going to be a drawn out business.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

It's been awhile

I have not blogged for awhile as I have had alot on since finishing my course and much of it has given me food for thought. As I said in a previous post I requested to see a psychologist as my head was all over the place with the transplant saga. I really did not want to go when it came to it but decided I couldn't carry on the way I was so I took a deep breath and off I went. I was expecting it to initially make me feel worse as stuff got dredged up but I was not prepared for the onslaught of emotion it has bought about. One thing it did do was clarify some of my thoughts about things I needed to find out to help make a decision and what the core issues were. So having worked out the former I went in to see my consultant the following week for my routine appointment and I asked him the questions that had been niggling-some of them unconciously. What transpired was that what I had feared that I had been living a lie for four years was mostly correct. I could have gone on the transplant list then and would never have had to live with what has come to be seen as my core issue. It took quite awhile to come to terms with not being able to ever have a transplant unless some miracle occurred but the most difficult thing to get my head round was the way the surgeon delivering the news went about it. He gave me lots of time scales as to when a transplant would be an emergency and then they would consider it but I would have to be aware that it was 50/50 it would kill me. As I had gone to the appointment with the idea that I was going to be listed for a transplant but wanted all the risks outlined this was the last thing I was expecting. Further more he ranted about how he would have to live with it if the worst happened as well as my family and friends if they did a transplant then when dialysis was working well for me. It has to have been one of the most traumatic moments of my life and for some reason it was an appointment I went into entirely alone as I had a strong feeling I should do so-don't ask me why as I always have someone there but I digress. So this is the core of my distress that I came to terms and coped with something so traumatic and now the anger and upset has kicked in knowing this should never have happened and where we are now we should have been then. I can't even think about the lost time and what my life could be like now as that is pointless but it makes it all the more clear that doctors have to be so careful in the way they say stuff. I actually think if I hadn't had some of these other things said to me at that time then I wouldn't feel like I do now to such an extent.
During the session we also touched on the loss of Sara and the psychologist said that is two massive things to have happened and she doesn't know about all the other awful things too. It is a good job that there doesn't seem to be a maximum number of sessions as there are in some places as there is alot of material to cover. Although I don't think I can completely tell her everything that happened especially where the kidney group is concerned but that is slowly resolving itself anyway.
The group is so far removed from what Sara envisioned now with so much back biting and poison going on I am glad to be away. It no longer feels like what we all started and certainly the idea of patients being supported is at best laughable. The only thing that has the capacity to upset me now is the veiled references by the members left of how important she was and how hard it has been for them all. I totally agree with that and of course I am feeling it too but I don't need to publicly write it on message boards and more over IF they felt bad why can they not see that I did too and treated me better. But to be honest I get the sense it is used when it suits others to do so and to make a point which is too complicated to go into here. I am no longer in touch with any of them and although I thought there was at least one who would stick by me it turns out that this is not to be. I hope we can still be friends but they are now being very distant and I feel completley abandoned. But then maybe starting again is no bad thing when it comes to it.
Anyway onto the good stuff. I am stitching quite a bit and really enjoying having a bit more time to do so. I started my big brother marathon and after two weeks I am making good progress on my Margaret Sherry design. I also finished part 3 of MIX and I am a few hours away from finishing this entire rotation round. Angel of the morning by L&L is the final piece and she is nearly there. I am certain she will be finished this year and hopefully in the next few rounds and I am just in love with the piece. I also only have May on my Mini Kats to do before I order the next two and that means excellent progress has been made there too.
I am also deciding which OU course to do next and keep wavering at the moment. I thought I had made a definite decision yesterday but on thinking carefully about it I saw some flaws in the plan so I am re thinking again lol. We are having a tutor group reunion in Bath next Friday so maybe talking it over then with the students and our tutor may help. This evening is going to be an informal celebration of the course finishing and as I have to work out the logisitics of travel I came clean and said I am not being awkward but have medical issues. They were all fantastic about it which put in stark relief that there are good people in the world who are prepared to help and understand. It is what I expected of people in the same situation so when it didn't happen that was a shock and made me wary of coming clean, but it goes to show that if people are basically decent then it is not an issue.
There is also something else I have been keeping to myself for a long while now and that is that I am going to become an aunt in November. We knew right at the beginning as my brothers girlfriend had quite a few problems so he rang my mum for advice. But she is coming up for the last scan so all is going ok now. It is exciting but hasn't been without some problems here as mum adjusted to the idea, but as she has got her knitting out I am sure it is fair to say she is pleased. :-) Whether they decide to know the sex they don't know yet but as mum is knitting in white it will be fine.
Finally we booked a holiday in Lanzarote for the end of September. The place looks really nice and the dialysis unit has good machines and is staffed by many English nurses and has apartments attached. These apartments are next door but separated by a garden so we won't be right on top of the unit, has a pool and each one has a terrace or balcony. I have dialysed away from home before but never abroad so it should be an exciting experience. In fact I have never been abroad or on a plane before so it will all be very new and I am looking forward to a good break. If anyone has been and knows of some good things to see and do that may not be in the guide books please let me know.