Monday, September 05, 2005

Well its all changed again

Today we had the horrible thought that if this test was being done under a local anaesthetic that could point to an epidural so decided to ring up and check and no its being done under heavy sedation. I really wish they would make up their minds about it but this time tomorrow it will all be over one way or another. This means I maybe won't get to post tomorrow but it really depends how groggy I am.
I am also so tired from the weekend that I stumbled through the afternoon and then fell asleep for an hour before dinner and still feel shattered tonight so its going to be an early one. I am in two minds as I have been advised not to eat and drink from midnight and I could really do with an early night but also could possibly benefit from a late snack-think the early night is going to win this time though.
Not much else to report, spent the morning sorting out paperwork for my admission tomorrow which turned into a complex procedure as one of my drugs was changed 2 weeks ago but no one told me and no one knows why. As luck would have it my consultant is down at the unit tomorrow so can advise what is going on as according to the computer it also wasn't sanctioned by him.
I am feeling a bit flat after the time I spent on things leading up to the fun day and now its all over things have gone fairly quiet and I am sure it will hit me once I am not so tired. Also my OU stuff hasn't arrived and its not looking like I can get it back in time to start in October now as the deadline is only a few days away. I really have no one to blame but myself for procrastinating over it so long but I thought registering online guaranteed a place whereas you have to then receive the pack and arrange the finances by the cut off date to get a place. Oh well I can always use the next few months to really get into my stitching and start with the OU in February and try and catch up and not take a break between courses if I do miss this deadline.
I do sometimes wonder if I am up to it anyway as it doesn't take alot to pull me down at the moment and what occurred with the group I left still weighs extremely heavily on my mind. I really think apart from one or two none of them have any idea how ill I became with the stress of it. Part of that is that they do not realise how close me and Sara were and I think they believe I should be healed by now. But if the truth is told the kind of friendship I had with Sara is the kind most people crave but rarely get. This is the sort that even though you have known each other a short time it could have been a lifetime as you have shared so much and talked about anything and everything and you just think so alike and that although we are very different people its like meeting a kindred spirit. I know I have one other friend who comes near to this who I have known longer but there was something extra special about this friendship which makes it even harder to lose.
Anyway before I start to cry and get maudlin again I am going to go now and get a drink and prepare for what tomorrow might hold.

1 comment:

Scully said...

Michelle I hope everything goes well for you today, I was working last night so couldn't catch you. Take care {hugs}