Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Chuffed to bits

Remember that last essay I did that I thought was badly wrong? Well I have just received the results and got 72% again. Furthermore where I thought I had gone wrong was fine and I only lost marks on some more minor things and a couple of omissions in one of the questions.
Other than that things are ok here. I have been having an emotional crisis with the transplant situation and the kidney group taking center stage. After chatting to someone who advises patients and talking through the transplant thing I now have a clearer idea where I stand in attempting to find out what happened. As thought it maybe impossible but has given me some food for thought and I now have a clearer idea of my options. I think I will start off by having a full and frank discussion with my consultant next month and take it from there.
As for the kidney group I am slowly getting there and realise that its affected me very deeply at a time when so much else is going on. There seems a big tanglement of that, Sara's death and the transplant issue all rolled together in a great big ugly knotted ball. I am trying to start at the beginning and unravel it and its not easy emotionally and can at times hurt like hell. Especially as Sara was my sounding board when I was upset and vice versa so the loss is awfully acute still. Also bringing me down are some ongoing health issues. It looks like my haemoglobin isn't shifting as they took it again yesterday after it was only done last Wedsnesday. I was a bit annoyed as I asked the nurse whether it had dropped and she said she wouldn't know as I am not in her team. We have a red and a green team and I am in red and she is senior staff nurse in green. But we are all patients in the unit surely and she could have offered to find out for me, but in the end as the consultant is on his monthly visit today I decided to wait until tomorrow and see what happens. However when you are physically or mentally low this attitude by the staff doesn't help. Incidentally when I blogged awhile ago about wondering if they weren't being open after it was taken last time and they didn't know why I now remember its the same nurse, so she probably didn't know. Obviously that is totally not the point but there is a pattern here lol and that is that even patients within the same unit are boxed off and its a bit mad. Ok rant over. Onto craft stuff. I have just 1 1/2 parts of MVIII to bead so watch out for a HD within days. Then I want to finish knitting my baby hat before shes too old to wear it and then I am going to do MIX on dialysis days and rotation on non-dialysis days for awhile. I hope that I can have several reasonable HD's this year and then start next year with less wips and stash. Cue rampant laughing from the wings.


Gina E. said...

Dear Michelle, I don't get around to posting comments on your blog often, but I do read it. One reason I find it hard to comment is because your situation is very close to home for me. I am 57, and a dear friend of mine of the same age, died last month. She had a kidney transplant 16 years ago, and was one of the longest surviving transplant patients on record in her hospital. Like you, she had bad days and good days, but always put on a happy face and tried to lead a 'normal' life like her friends and family. I admired her so much, and I admire you equally as much. Your stitching projects are sensational; you will be leaving a wonderful heritage behind, whenever you leave this life, be it 5 years or 50. I hope I don't upset you by my comments; that is the last thing I would do intentionally. If you are interested in reading about my friend, my tribute to her is on my blog Patra's Other Place.
Hugs and best wishes for 2006 :-)

Michelle said...

Thank you Patra. No you haven't upset me in the least and your comments were lovely.
I also lost an extremely close friend to kidney failure nearly 15 months ago so have seen it from both sides. Hugs to you.