An eventful few days

What a busy few days it has been and involving a real roller coaster of emotions. Last weekend I enjoyed a GTG with some stitchers from a board I frequent and I can honestly say I haven't laughed so much in a very long time.
Some of us met for a meal the night before where amongst other things we were taught how to brew tea properly. They turned up with the teapot but weirdly also a timer set up ready to go off when the tea was brewed. It wasn't a mega posh place either and I have never known anything like it. Most people peer in the pot and stir but it was an experience that I won't forget in a hurry.
Tuesday I went to see my consultant and agreed to go on the transplant waiting list. I am not as estatic about it as I might have thought as I am still not sure I can actually go ahead if the time came. I am hoping the psychologist will help with this and sometimes I think what the hell I will do it and other days I get panic attacks about it all. My consultant has said because of many factors it probably won't be for a good while-although you can never tell on these things and is happy for me to decide at the time. Whether I accept the organ will depend on several things and it will be the match, my psychological feelings about it among other things. One thing that came to light was that the reason I was refused should never have been a complete bar without further investigations, which is why they have been working so hard to try and sort it all out. I was originally told that my vessels were full of calcium and I would haemorrage as soon as they clamped them to stop the blood flow to graft the kidney on. A scan proved that they were not like that but this surgeon still won't have anything to do with me and it has been noted by a new one that he is usually the one to say yes where others say no. I really don't know what has happened or why, but he will not be considered to do the operation now and my consultant has clearly put it on the computer that he won't do it, not that I refused to have him which is great. Apparently alot of patients can have this calcium build up and I still could have but the scan proved it was not enough to cause a problem. I got rather freaked when I found out I could have it anyway and wondered why we had gone through all this, but this is when my consultant said that they can still do it because they can tell at the time if it is safe to go ahead. If not then they don't do it, but it is unusual that this is the case as there is often some way around it. This floored me somewhat as that definitely means that I should always have been considered for the list and had more tests to make sure not to forget that by shutting the door on me the vessels could have got worse anyway. I am so very cross about all this and just glad this surgeon won't be the one doing it as I would either thump him or run out the door.
The major risk for me now is the success of the thing because it could be difficult to get in and attach as a previous transplant was there so they have scar tissue to contend with. Also being a patient who never does things by halves my blood pressure could stop the kidney working as it would mean reduced blood flow to it and especially so if the kidney works well and I get dehydrated. So my consultant has said I will need to go to ICU after so that I can have some very good drugs that will help my blood pressure stabilise in the first crucial period after the operation. This scares me a bit but apparently it isn't a big deal and if all goes as they hope I would be awake and aware of what was going on just in a place that can give me the drugs easier.
It is early days and at the moment I just feel relief that chapter has closed and all the uncertaintly gone, and am trying not to pressurise myself on deciding what I would do at the time. After all it may never happen but at least now if it does I have all the information at hand to make an informed decision.
Today I am chilling out and stitching and later off to the retail park to look at laptops. I am considering getting one to do my course and as I get a fair bit of financial help it is feasible. I found that last time using the desktop in the hall made it difficult to concentrate at times and me and mum both wanted to use it so one or other of us had to come off it. I am reckoning that a fairly cheap one just for course stuff shouldn't be too hard to find, because I would still do all my leisure surfing on this one, so I don't need to spend loads on this as it is only for one thing. I also need to find a smallish desk for my room as I did all my work on the floor before and that really isn't ideal long term which this committment will be.

Finished White Satin

Today I finished the clss piece that me and Gina took at Judy Dixons. I am really pleased with how it has come out as although I have stitched similar before this is my first go at such an intensive piece:

A finish

Just as Big Brother is drawing to a close I finish the first piece that I have been stitching whilst watching it. It is by Margaret Sherry and is called Home is...




I stitched it on Silkweavers desert sky lugana and left off the whiskers as they didn't show up.
I also started my first pair of socks with the Regia wool I received in the exchange and so far so good, but I have yet to turn the heal lol.
Rotation wise I am still mulling it over and even though I have started another round I may still change it again, but am so far not sure how, so am carrying on as usualy until I stop procrastinating.
Other than that I have been a bit under the weather with a cold and tummy thing so had to cancel the OU celebrations of last night. I do feel better today which is good as we are off to my brothers tomorrow for the day and I wouldn't want to pass anything on.
Thats it for now, off to grab lunch and to stitch the afternoon away.

Rotation news

I have decided to leave my rotation as it is for the moment and to do my obligation pieces as breaks from it. I do have a couple of things to finish before I can start the obligation pieces but none of them have a dead line as such, as long as they get done.
In other news I have just signed up for my next OU course and have printed all the forms so will start filling them in soon. It starts whilst we are away on holiday, but hopefully if I receive the materials in time I can do a bit before we leave. I don't feel as nervous this time around either as the studying is such a positive experience and did so much good that I can't wait to start again. I am also meeting with my old tutor group on Friday for a celebration of finishing and passing this course. At least one of them is going to be on the next one so it will be good to celebrate as well as chat about what we are all doing next.

Lovely stitching gift

I took part in a Christmas in July exchange on a bulletin board recently and today my gift arrived. First of all I got this absolutely exquisite box which may or may not have been made by my partner:



Then inside was some sock wool and some ribbon and apparently there is more to follow but it is winging it's way from further afield:



I have also today ordered a full sock kit as so far I hadn't got the needles and it was a good offer. I chose Opa Rainforest wool in flamingo so now will all being well have 2 nice pairs of socks this coming winter.
Other than that I have been sorting my room out as I want to get a proper work space sorted for my future courses and I am getting alot more storage space already, with more to follow when I tackle the other corner.

I passed!!

Yes folks I passed the course and got a better grade than I could ever have imagined. I am so pleased and over the moon with it at the moment and think some stash shopping is in order. Also there is no better excuse than the fact that several of the online places I shop at have sales too. Bring it on!!

One final bout of stalking

I went into the main message board for my old course at the weekend and stumbled across the news that our results are coming early-this week in fact. On investigating how true this is I found out it is listed on our student homepage so it is supposedly gospel. Eeekkk. I really hadn't thought anything about it as it was too far away to worry about but now it is looming I want to keep stalking the page where it will say. I also wish they hadn't put the word 'by' when giving us a date as now I feel it could be anytime up to then. If we had just been told it will be on this certain date I could just go and check it on the day concerned. Yes I am being cagey I know but I feel like it is tempting fate if I tell anyone which day it is-even may family don't know.
Stitching wise I am getting near to a number of finishes and still can't work out what to do about a new rotation, so for the moment I am having a break and stitching on the Margaret Sherry when Big Brother is on, my mini kats piece and the class piece I took with Gina which I have nearly finished. It would be great to have a number of finises together but the downside is that it will be ages before I have any more significant ones if I don't stagger it. Which brings us back to what to do about a rotation. Hmmm.

The red arrows

They have just put on a spectacular display on the seafront and although we live a good couple of miles away our house is perfectly positioned:


The beginning:




The starburst:



And they also did their turns to go back over us this year. It is pot luck whether they do this or not and this year it was a real treat:



This is my favourite picture as two of them came screaming overhead, before being joined by the other two in the above picture:

Nearly there

I don't usually post many wips but felt I had to show how close I had got to finishing Angel of the morning this rotation round. I actually only estimated I would get the wing finished and possibly a very tiny part of the halo. So this progress means I will finish it in the next round, which won't take that long as I am changing my rotation to get some obligation stitching done. I have to think how the rotation is going to work but for the moment here is the Angel in all her glory:

Half way through Mini Kats

I am now officially at the half way point and can honestly say I am really enjoying this piece. Although they are not necessarily designed to be stitched on one piece of fabric they are blending together well at the moment:

Good news

At long last I have some good news to share and today seems to be overflowing with it. I seem to have got my fluid balances under control and my blood pressure is more acceptable, plus I am no longer anaemic. This alone was enough to put a smile on my face but when I got home the postie bought a letter from my consultant. Apparently now they have done all they need to do to satisfy themselves that I can be put on the kidney transplant waiting list. I really can't say how I feel at the moment as it means a very long hard slog is over but it also signals that the surgeon was wrong and I have been living under false pretences the last few years. I am obviously relieved that I am in better shape than I was told and that at long last the wrong has been righted but I do know that the anger will kick in again at some point.
I also saw the psychologist this week which sometimes brings it all back so the two combined will probably affect me at some point. However it is part of the process and at least fingers crossed I can look forward to more peace of mind. I actually think she may have known when I saw her as she said some stuff which in hindsite could mean she did. However it wasn't for her to tell me and whether she did or didn't the session was helpful which is all I can ask for really.
This weekend I intend to stitch and lounge in the garden, but I could also be buying stitching supplies as I happened to mention I would be intrested in a stitch along on a board I use. Even though I don't actually have the chart or anything else to stitch Mirabilia's Stargazer lol I may well be tempted to join in with them when it starts in a few weeks. Which also means as it's not an immediate start I have time to buy the supplies lol.

It's a scorcher!!

This week has been one of the hottest that I have ever known. On our way back from a hospital appointment on Tuesday the temperature guage on the car hit 37 C. We usually go to The Mall afterwards but it was so hot we had a quick wander then left to visit Hobbycraft. This was beautifully air conditioned but for once I didn't spend anything. I think with the heat I just felt too worn out.
The heat is also affecting my fluid balance and combined with my low blood pressure it is causing a few issues. I need to drink to keep my blood pressure up but don't want to drink so much that dialysis can't remove it so working out the right amount of fluid to drink at the moment is not so easy. All the other patients are having similar issues but as low blood pressure is unusual in kidney patients they haven't got that worry on top. Don't ask me why it's so low as I have no idea except that it always has been low but just reached new depths a few years ago. I am on a tablet which supposedly pushes it up but at times I wonder whether it works all that well. Maybe I would just be on the floor without it as I once was before being given the tablet.
Because it has been so hot I have done very little stitching but did manage to finish my rotation slot on The Castle and start Angel of the morning today. As it was cooler I got quite a bit done on her today and I am sure that I will finish this rotation round this month, at which point I am going to change it so that I can finish up some stuff. I don't know how I am going to change it but I do want to see what I can finish up this year.
One piece of slight excitement is that when the weather cooled yesterday a terrific wind came from nowhere. It blew over the standard lamp in the lounge which missed my mum by inches and would have got me if I had been sat stitching. Then the doors on my wardrobe were blown open and the ventian blind in the kitchen knocked the plants of the sill. Our poor Basil plant had already been eaten by a couple of caterpillars this week and now this. Today another bigger caterpillar was found chomping on it so I think it's days are numbered-we suspect the caterpillars are in the actual soil, so not sure the other one in the greenhouse will fare any better. It's a shame as I love the smell of basil and hate to think we can't save the plant-how soppy is that??
I also forgot to blog that Taffy went for his check up last week and although he seems as healthy as ever he has lost some weight. I saw him come in the door yesterday from a different angle and his haunches looked more wasted that before. I know he is an old cat but it bought it home to me that he won't be with us for ever. He has been around now over half my life and I love him dearly so I try not to think of the day we will part for good as hopefully it is a fair way off yet. He may have lost weight a few months ago when he didn't eat very well for several days but then I would have expected it to go back on, it could be the heat or an age thing. Lets hope it is something simple and he certainly appears healthy as even in this heat if he gets a fright he can bomb up the garden as normal.
I think that is all for now and Taffy is here for a pet so will be back soon.

The shadow of the wind

This was a really good book and I throughly recommend it to all. It is set in Barcelona and spans several decades and is a mixture of historical, romantic, thriller and as one reviewer said gothic horror. All these are true but the gothic horror is stretching it a tad because it isn't really very gory or blood thirsty but I do see why they said that as it involves creepy mansions and other slightly dark topics.
Without giving too much away a young boy is taken into the cemetry for forgotten books and asked to choose just one and that decision changes his life in every conceivable way. We find out so much about the boy and his subsequent development into a man as well as the parallels of life he ends up having with this author.
As well as suspenseful it is also thought provoking as you work out why there is such an intrest in this book he has hold of and the fact that choosing this one book has shaped his entire life. There is also quite a bit of humour within the book and literally nothing is left unanswered even down to a ridiculous promise being fulfilled in the most unlikely way.

What a weekend

What a truly fantastic weekend I had at the GTG. It was just brilliant from start to finish and only a couple of things marred it-more on that in a moment. The Friday night staying with Gina was really great fun as we chatted and stitched and fondled Gina's stash and then went to bed fairly early so we could hit the road the next day at a nice early hour. The drive up was incident free and we then met up with Pat at the B&B and duly Amanda and daughter Kathryn arrived and then bringing up the rear was Joy-no offence Joy. ;-) Then we all set off to Kate's and had a fabulous time eating, stitching and presenting Kate with her baby shower basket which she was really overwhelmed with it all. There was also plenty of time to see other's works both in progress and finished and my wish list has expanded again lol. Then in the evening after watching the gorgeous David Tennant in Dr Who we all went to the pub for a lovely meal and a good long gossip session. Unfortunately there were too many of us to have tables together so once everyone had finished eating we ended up in a cosy corner having a really good chin wag. Then the Sunday saw us head off to Wye needlecraft in Bakewell where I was quite restrained. I bought:

Shepherd's Bush's Apple kissed autumn
Drawn Thread's Forget me not
Indigo Rose's My Michelle
A set of bellpulls with dark wooden acorns on the end for MVII

Then we adjourned to the pudding shop for lunch and afterwards it was time to set off home. The journey back was ok apart from the usual roadworks but after Gina dropped me at Swindon station things got intresting. There was a delay on the next train so I sat down to read and was almost too tired to do so and when it came got into the family carriage as I thought it would be good for a snooze. Unfortunately the guy who was diagonally across from me was high on drugs so I did all I could to avoid his eye and was relieved when he got off at Bristol. However as he left the train I saw my suitcase follow him too and ended up hoofing it down the train calling "That guys got my case". As luck would have it his friend who wasn't high stopped at the door and he then gave the case back to him-once he had waved it around a bit. I put it back in the luggage rack and told him he would look really stupid in my clothes-even more so than now and sat down. However I was concerned he might nip back on for it so went down to check it again and then realised that I could have been hurt or stranded at Bristol by tackling him but instinct took over. If I had lost my bag only my digital camera would have been worth anything monetary but I also had some stitching in it too as well as other stuff of sentimental value. Weirdly when I was packing at the B&B I thought I ought not to put my prized stitching in there even though there was room-premonition I wonder?? I had everything in a tote bag on the way up as food for the GTG was in the case but as I had room I thought I would leave room in my tote for the Wye shopping spree lol and put some stitching in the case and although I wouldn't want to lose anything stash wise I kept all my wips that are nearly done exactly where I could see them. :-)
So I got home around 10 that night and this was the second incident to occur which very slightly marred the weekend. I had already received a text to tell me that someone from the group was posting about Sara's death in several places and told me as I asked for gossip and as a warning. Now it always hurts when stuff is being said about her but some of it was so blatantly untrue that I got angry. This person had obviously telling people he had been with her when she was desperately ill which is so not true and was making out that they were best friends and he was absolutely there for her whenever she needed it. I know people's perception of events are different so the last one I could let go but I was NOT happy that he was suggesting he had supported her in hospital, especially when he never actually asked to go. One of the other men did however ask several times to see her as he had a real soft spot for her and I knew when he read it that being the person he is would believe it. So on Monday I caught him on msn and explained it wasn't true in any way shape or form and he got quite upset over it all and I ended up emailing the following day an apology for upsetting him as something I said about the group was also taken the wrong way and, unbeknown to me he had already sent me a text. This one said that he saw the other guys sign on name on msn which also referred to it and had got upset but wasn't going to say anything to make the situation worse as he had also been through alot. That is so far where it ends but it was difficult as it was someone I haven't been in touch with for a long time but didn't want him thinking something that wasn't true. Maybe I should have left well alone on this but maybe I also needed to talk to someone who understands how overt public stuff like that can upset us. I seem to have a nurturing bone inside me that wants everyone to be ok and not upset too and although it is probably not taken as it should be it's a part of me I like. I do like to be able to help other's and I am proud that I do even if my world is not great at the time and a part of me wonders if that was the right thing to do.
Since then I have chilled out as the last few weeks have caught up with me as they have been very busy. But I did manage to finish Shadow of the wind today and will write a review in a minute and I am also getting along with some stitching stuff and slowly getting out of my slump.

Off again!!

Another weekend away beckons and this time we are at Kate's house. I am leaving tomorrow and staying with Gina so we can have an early start on Saturday morning. There will be another big crowd at this weeks and today I have been packing and sorting out what I am taking with me. I have got my camera and going to endevour to use it this time lol at both Kate's and the visit to Bakewell on Sunday.
Then next week I have nothing in my diary and for once a clear weekend so I will try and get back into my stitching as seem to have got into a slump. When I was doing my course there was only a small window in the day I could stitch and now I am free to do so I am out of the habit. I guess this is no bad thing as I have a chance to do other things but I also want to get on and finish some stuff before my next course starts.

Back from the weekend

This weekend I attended my first Judy Dixon class with Gina and I really, really enjoyed it. So much so we both signed up for another hardanger class later in the year. We are also booked in for an embroidery one in September and I am already looking forward to them. Gina has been to Judy's classes many a time and I have a funny feeling I may have found another designer who's designs I could get attached to. I think the way Judy runs the classes has as much to do with the whole experience as it was just so relaxed and it was just like stitching at home.
After the class I now feel alot more confident about drawn thread and hardanger and I think alot of my problem in the past is my bull in a china shop attitude-I tend to charge at things without taking due care. So now I have a feeling I am more likely to consider some of those designs I had previously ignored because they looked too tricky. I have also been looking at Cottage dreams by Judy for quite some time now and bought the kit off her on Saturday which was the cherry on the cake for me.
On Saturday evening we met Maria for a lovely meal and a good old catch up and I can honestly say I enjoyed every moment of the weekend. Gina was a fantastic host and her family were a delight to share time with and without sounding majorly gushing I can't wait for next time.
As things often come in three's this weekend brings the final stitching weekend for awhile. Kate is holding a GTG at her home and a trip to Bakewell the following day and I am very much looking forward to it.
I haven't got much planned for the week as I am relaxing so that I am ready for the weekend, and it is just too hot to really feel like doing anything very much. I will try and get some stitching done at some point but I think in truth it's more practical to just lounge around and try not too wilt. Hopefully the weather will break soon and it will become a bit cooler.

Baby news

My brother and his girlfriend had the 20 week scan today and all is fine. We now know that we will have a new baby boy in the family and I am really chuffed. I didn't mind as long as it was healthy but out of all the babies born I know of lately they have been almost exclusively girls. The radiographer was apparently absolutely definite that she had this correct as she described my nephew to be as having 3 legs. I now have weird mental images of what this poor chap is going to be like but I am sure that is a gross exaggeration lol.
It seems weird to think I will be an auntie this year but I am going to start looking for things to knit and sew soon. I think I may change my rotation after this round as I am building up a collection of obligation pieces that need to be done:

A baby hat for my friends daughters birthday in October.
The same little girls birth sampler.
A birth sampler for my nephew.
Something knitted-maybe another hat or mittens for my nephew.

I did think about getting the new Patons kit for the last one as they do one now which has new born essentials containing hat, mittens and booties. This would also be a slight learning curve for me as there would be a bit more shaping and twiddly bits involved in it. I am still very much a novice so can't go mad but think this could be a good start.
I am also off for the weekend again and this time me and Gina are taking a Judy Dixon class. Gina has been several times but this will be my first experience. This one is in drawn thread and hardanger, which I have done haphazardly so I would like some expert input. Then on Saturday evening we are meeting Maria for dinner so it's going to be a fun packed and busy weekemd.
Finally I am again away next weekend but I will blog about that in the week and then my social life will quieten down a bit and I can gear up for the next ones.

The downsides of Get together's

Is that they never last long enough and that my credit card is severley rattled at all the things I now have in my wish list. Not only did we have all the beautiful wips and finishes on show but Karolines house where the GTG took place is crammed full of samplers which are just to my taste. Some I have here in my stash and other's will probably get added at some point but for now I need to keep my wip count down.
It was so nice to see everyone again and have a good old chat and catch up. This is the furthest I have been to a get together but it wasn't as bad travelling as I thought and apart from falling asleep in front of Big brother Sunday night I haven't realy had any extra tiredness from it.
So now we gear up for the next one a week Saturday, again up north but not quite so far and this time Kate is the host. There is also a good needlework shop in the area and we will probably visit that on the Sunday. That time I will try and take pictures as I forgot to take my camera out for this one. I think everyone was the same as so far only one group picture has been posted.

Off we go a wandering

Tomorrow I am off to my first overnighter stitchers gtg. I am really looking forward to it and a much needed break. It will mean an extremely early start tomorrow but thats not a bother and I have camera charged so I can share lots of pictures afterwards.
In other news everything is ticking along ok and this week I had my second visit to the psychologist and I have to say she is fantastic and has made me see things on so many other levels and this time I haven't had that awful after effect either. The sessions have also made me evaluate things we haven't discussed and some of my anger and distress over the group are now starting to make sense too. I still know I am a long way from total peace and not sure such a thing is possible when dealing with a chronic illness but I know the brave step of asking for this help was worth it.
I don't seem to have alot of news at the moment to blog about, but I have a busy summer coming up so I will be able to post lots of piccies of happy times. :-)

I am in the clear

After a very long tiring day I am much relieved as everything is fine and I have no serious abnormalities. I do have a small cyst but apparently they are very common and shouldn't cause me and problem. I think the one stop clinic is an excellent idea but that waiting after all the tests are done is not so good. This clinic sees everyone and sends them for appropriate tests and once they have gone through they start on calling you back for the results. I have to say most came out with smiles but one has to have further investigations and another was admitted straight away. Given the statistics that's probably about right but statistics mean nothing when you are the one who goes the wrong way. It really does show how precious life is and it can turn both good and bad on an axle and really living for the hear and now is possibly the best attitude.
Anyway onto other stuff. The OU reunion was absolutely superb on Friday night and I don't think I have laughed so much in a very long time. Several pictures were taken and one even showed our tutor with a shiny halo above his head. I don't know whether it was a trick of the light or something on the wall but it was rather amusing. I got back quite late but felt really good considering I also dialysed that day. The following day I went into town and then stitched with the England match on in the background.
It has been so hot this weekend and I managed to relax and chill out in the garden with my book and generally this is something we are not used to in this country. The weather broke early today with a big thunderstorm and lots of rain, but it looks like the good weather will be back in the next day or two.
Finally can you believe that tomorrow spells a year of blogging? It doesn't seem possible really and I haven't kept to my goal of blogging every day but it's fairly regular and I hope at times of interest to read. I have found it very therapeutic when coping with the problems of this year and I hope that my upset's have been countered by the good stuff.