Back with a finish

I finished Winter Wonderland by Little House Needleworks yesterday and here it is:



I am going to put it on the Winter Thread Pal eventually, when I get round to doing that.
I haven't posted in so long even though I did finish a few things as I just didn't have the inclination to blog. But I am ok and going to try to post more this year.

I finished this cute Newton's Law yesterday:



I love these designs but the backstitching is not the easiest to follow but the effect you get is well worth it.

There isn't alot of news here at the moment but I am ok and have stabalised health wise from a few months back which has made me feel both physically and mentally better. I did wonder if it was because I was on a break from studying but as it coincided with some changes the medical team made I think it is more likely to be down to that. I hope it down to these changes as I am back to studying again and need to have some energy to take all the new information in.

Pictures

I have a few pictures to share today. First up is Santa of the forest by Lavender and Lace:



I finished this morning and I adore it. This is the first piece I have finished that I have tracked all the way through and if you click on the link to its finish in my side bar you can go back through every step if you so wish.

I have also started my first piece of major knitting which is a chunky cardigan for myself:



It is knitted in the recommended wool-Sirdar tweedie chunky but I am using the roasted berry colour. So far so good.

I also got my OU results and I passed and have gained a diploma in literature. One downside is that an awful lot of us dropped by quite a bit in the exam so many were disappointed with their grades. Overall I got the grade band I expected but had hoped that maybe the exam went well enough to get the next one, but sadly not this time.
I am enjoying my time off studying and managing to get out as much as possible. The weekend away was a great success and we are looking at having another long weekend in the not too distant future.

Still here

I don't really know where to start on this blog so will just plunge on in. I got through my course with a good mark of 78% for that last assignment and an exam which seemed to go ok. I won't know any final results for a good few weeks so am trying to put all that to the back of my mind. I got very stressed out towards the end because in the last couple of months I have been diagnosed with skin cancer and the hives from the last post turned out to be vasculitis. Luckily they got all the cancer in an operation and it has very little chance of returning, but I need to be monitored and the vasculitis seems like a one off but also needs keeping an eye on.

However yesterday I went to clinic with a very long list of issues with the top one being my blood pressure. I am finding it very stressful and because the staff are getting increasingly twitchy about it that has added to how I have felt. I had a full and frank discussion with my consultant but unfortunately as I suspected there are only one or two things they can do to help keep me feeling ok and nothing more can be done to treat it. What has happened is that long term dialysis and/or uraemia-that is the technical name for the toxins in my system that the dialysis can't remove has destroyed some nerve receptors. Therefore the only things known to work are very heavy duty ITU drugs which work directly on the heart and vessels, which is why I would be there for a transplant. I am disappointed nothing can be done as it is impacting on my life, but my mind has been put at rest up to a point because I was getting concerned something serious would happen, especially when I was feeling really fragile after dialysis. If I get to a point when I am passing out there maybe stuff they can try but it is all experimental and my consultant fairly doesn't want to go that route until such a time I physically cannot cope and my life is seriously impaired.

Anyway onto brighter news. With my blood pressure issues I am worried about going on holiday and being cared for in a unit that doesn't know me. But that doesn't mean weekend's away are out and this weekend all being well we are off to a country hotel in Berkshire. The plan is to go to London and Windsor to do some shopping and site seeing and to have a generally chilled out weekend. I am hoping the weather cools down a bit though as it won't be so easy in the temperatures we are having at the moment, but it is looking like it will be better by then thankfully. We haven't made absolute firm plans of what we will be doing as I never quite know how I will feel, but I am determined come what may to make the most of it. I will also be taking a camera so if I can will put some photos here next week. But it does mean that Mack and Mabel will be taking their first holiday in the cattery, which if they knew I don't think they would be all that happy about. They should be fine though as we have used the place before and had no issues, but I think when we pick them up on Monday we will be given the cold shoulder by them.

Talking of Mack and Mabel they are now nearly two which I cannot believe and are both fine, but we don't see either of them much in this weather. When they do venture in they are both freaked out by the fan going in the lounge so only hang around for food at the moment. They are also calming down and although Mack still has his moments with being destructive it is nothing like it was when it nearly sent us demented. They are both really loving and when there isn't a fan in the room will come over for a fuss quite often. Both like their tummies rubbed but Mabel will actually somersault against your leg to tell you which always makes me laugh.

Hello

I thought it was about time I wrote an update here as it has been awhile now. To cut a very long story short I simply haven't felt like blogging, which I think is down to a couple of reasons. I am extremely busy with my course and have absolutely loved it and after a day tutorial at the weekend I am feeling a bit more confident about the exam. I have the final big assignment result to come though which could make or break my grade even before I have opened the exam paper. I have kept up my average from previous courses which is something and learnt alot but there have been difficulties along the way. The major one being my health which has been up and down this year and one of the big problems is with my blood pressure. It has been too low for a long time, but lately it is getting to the point where I am scared of the numbers that are appearing. I have been on medication for it but that is no longer working, so have come off and then partially back on it to see if it can be stabalised a bit. I think I am scared of the worry it may get even lower and the thought of operations-particularly a transplant. I already know it could jeopodise it as it could compromise the blood flow and thus killing the new organ off. I know I would need specialist drugs in theatre and ICU to keep it up higher to try and stop this but despite being told they work well I am less than believing that they will. I do wonder with having so many issues surrounding the liklihood of sucess if it is even fair to accept an offer when someone could take it and have a higher guarantee of a better outcome. But I also feel that if the surgeons are happy to go ahead then they must think there is a reasonable chance this will work and that I also need a break away from the rigors of dialysis.
Therefore all this and more has been going round in my head for some months now and I haven't been able to talk to anyone. I know I have upset and made people feel excluded from my life, but until now it has all seemed too huge for me to process, let alone explain it to others. I want to say sorry to all those who have felt like this and it really wasn't personal, but was the only coping mechanism I had at the time.
I started to write this blog on Saturday and left it for a few days and decided to finish it off today whilst I have some time. I haven't felt like doing much today as yesterday was one of those days where it goes wrong from beginning to end. Before I even left for dialysis Mack had almost strangled himself in the vertical blinds, Mabel was hobbling around and I had come out in a rash. The cats are ok now and the rash is a form of hives I get-don't ask me why as the doctors know its a reaction but we can't pin it down to anything so far. Anyway this time I had assoicated joint pain too so took some painkillers and went to dialysis. I got home mid afternoon having had no dialysis as there was a major fault in the plumbing mechanism so we were told to be prepared to return in the evening or possibly go elsewhere. In the end I was given two options to either go that evening to a unit in Bath which is about an hour away or go into my own this morning but with no guarantees the water would be fixed-so still end up somewhere else. As I had slighlty more fluid on than usual and knowing it is difficult to get off if it went up much more and with no guarantees the unit would be ok today we took the Bath option. It was a beautiful drive over as it is was really pituresque as we go the country way as it is more straightforward for the unit. However it was not so nice coming home as the twisty roads in the dark were awful. Luckily my parents had already agreed to take me if I had to go a long way and I was so appreciative they did as by the time we left I was shattered and tried to sleep but the roads were too bad. By the time we got home at just gone midnight I went straight to bed and mum and dad were not long after.
Sorry this has been a gloomy blog but in better news my stitching rotation is going really well and if you want to see any pictures there is a link in the side bar. I have just finished another whole rotation so there will be some more pictures coming up very soon.

The lazy cats guide to mouse hunting

I can't say for sure it was one of our two 'angels' but the following was found under some wood in the garden this morning:

A dead mouse complete with attached trap.

We don't use traps so where the cat responsible found it I have no idea but I so wish that I had a camera to witness the moment this was brought into the garden.

I haven't felt like blogging lately but just had to share that as this really tickled me today.

Birth sampler

I finished this yesterday:



I just have the details to add which I am thinking about as although it is a different picture to my first nephews sampler as they are brothers I am wondering if I want the wording similar. However the set up is different so I am trying to work out if I can fit it in as I did the date in full which this isn't charted for. I also left off Benjamin's weight so think I want to do that again but need to work out the placements. This is one thing I didn't consider when I was trying to make the samplers different but not so much that one feels they got more than his brother. Not sure being boys they will even notice or care but am determined not to show favouritism even at this stage-I mean I even panicked as this one for Oliver has sparkly thread for the bubbles in it-what am I like?
I think the colours is fairly true to life as the background uploaded a bit dark so I changed it in the software to look brighter-it was stitched on Antique White but looked grey in the original picture, but you get the idea. ;-)

New Year

I hope everyone is having a good New Year so far and that it is a good year for all. Although mine was quiet it was nice as we went out for a meal on New Years Day, something we haven't done before and it was really nice and may well become a new tradition. It was especially nice as Christmas was a bit of a non event-I won't say it was bad because it wasn't but it was quiet and I had quite alot on my mind. One thing was something that has bothering me for over a month now which is problems with the arm they use for dialysis. It has been painful and aching when I have been away from the machine so I felt I ought to report it as any change does need investigating. The week before Christmas I went for a scan on it to check all was ok and there were some problems seen but I left reassured that they were not serious and if needed to be easy to sort out. To cut a long story short I expected to hear nothing until this year but instead I got a phone call on Christmas Eve suggesting after discussions with a surgeon it wasn't as simple as I had been told. I can't remember all that was said now but it boiled down to the fact that there was a fair chance I would lose this site and even a slightly veiled reference to perhaps going in straight away if it wasn't Christmas-although I could have read that wrong but it's the impression I got. I was told to monitor it over the next couple of weeks and then it was strongly suggested I make an appointment to see the surgeon to discuss the options, which seemed to be few. I know I may have overeacted but it really shook me up for a few reasons: Any threat to the site is to be taken seriously as in theory a patient can run out of places to dialyse on, which isn't common but can happen and as you can imagine the repercussions are not good. The surgeon who refused me a transplant did suggest that dialysis may not be an option forever so I started to panic he was right and this was the beginning of a nasty trend, plus since then trusting medical people is a bit of an issue with me. Anyway I thought I had this last one in control until my nurse at dialysis gave me something to read and that was a report of what the surgeon had said. In essence he isn't worried and doesn't want to see me unless the pain is unbearable so I can only imagine that all this other stuff was discussed but never really an option. So I was really quite cross as although some of it matched what I was told most of it was a huge exaggeration, but I was happy to let it go. However apparently the link nurse has emailed the person who made that phone call to say something as they felt it inappropriate to ring me on Christmas Eve and to say what they did.

Anyway I am trying to leave it in the past but it did make Christmas a little less glossy shall we say but the New Year is shaping up a bit better, so far. I have hardly stopped though as an assignment is due in on Tuesday-which has now gone, but there is loads of reading to catch up on. I am deciding what my rotation will consist of this year and should start that once a birth sampler for my second nephew is finished-probably this week. As the exchange rate is so poor I am resisitng buying anything at the moment and I am determined to stitch from my stash as much as possible this year. Finally as you can see from the pictures in the last post they are now showing properly-not sure what it is but if I upload something from my computer which is square it tends to flip it round. Therefore I have to upload it from Photobucked for it to be the right way round-I have no idea why this is so but at least I know how to fix it-I eventually remembered I had the same problem with MVI.

Last finishes of the year

I have managed to scrape in two final finishes for the year. Firstly yesterday I finished these socks:




I was introduced to this wool-Regia Moasaic in Istanbul by a friend who when seeing how keen I was on it got me a couple of balls for my birthday. I am really pleased with how this came out and wore them today when I went shopping. My feet really thanked me for it as it is very cold out there at the moment.

Then tonight I belatedly finished this:



In the end I didn't get it finished for Christmas as there was so much backstitching and in honesty I wasn't sure about all the fur tufts around the edge, but now I really like the effect. I also know it's the wrong way around but have absolutely no idea how to fix this as it is fine in the save and then twists itself round. I even tried saving it twisted and then it saved that fine-it seems to be happening with some of my square pictures-anyone know why?

Framing

I got my Christmas double flip it's home today:



I am so pleased with how this came out and the framer did a wonderful job at getting the charms pretty much in line, which was one of my main worries.

Change of plan

Today has been different to expected as origionally we were going to a Medieval Christmas event a fair way from home, but for several reasons we decided to give it a miss. What it has enabled though is for me to finish my Christmas shopping and do some study today which is much needed, because the next few weeks are getting busier with alot to cram in.
Whilst in town I took the Christmas flip its in to be framed because I decided making a bell pull to an amateur like me would be too much hassle. Also as I am getting virtually no interest on my savings due to the financial conditions I decided to splash out and get it done. It turned out to be cheaper than I imagined it would be but I did go for something simple as it seems to fit the design better. I chose a very simple wood frame which picked up the brown thread and just hope now the charms don't get all twisted round. The framer said he would do his best to keep them straight but if anyone has any tips for sewing them on where they stay put feel free to pass those on.

Christmas double flip its

Is finished:



I was thinking of framing this but as it will be expensive for a festive piece I am hunting for some suitable bell pull ends.

Update

Just a quick update to say clinic last week went suprisingly well and my consultant was extremely pleased with me. He couldn't tell me why I felt yucky as there was no obvious reason for it, so I think it may have been a phase or a leftover from the cold I had. All seems to be picking up a bit now and my appetite is returning a bit-it is never good as anyone reading this who has fed me will know, but it is better than it was.
I have had a lovely weekend as I attended my nephew Benjamin's second birthday party on Saturday. The party was for his immediate family and it was really nice and chilled out-well as chilled as you can get with two young boys on the go. Then on Sunday my friend was up for the weekend from Cornwall and it was lovely to catch up with her and her family.
All this has made me feel much more positive although I have a way to go yet as there are a few health niggles which are ongoing and although not serious they may need some attention in the future. I also don't particularly like writing down all the particulars of my life and that last post was rare for me but I just needed to get it off my chest. What does amaze me is the array of health blogs out there where people will literally write every detail on them and not really consider what they are putting. I know some are private for them and that is ok-but then is it private if anyone can read it? Some are raising awareness about certain illnesses which although the motive is good I have reservations about putting everything that happens to them down on a blog. I guess it isn't exploitative if they readily agree to it, but I am generally a very private person where my health is concerned and share aspects of it only if it feels right. I suppose I have wondered lately if the way I approach the issue is wrong as I don't want it all out there on the web, which is my choice I know. However it seems almost the norm now to lay it all open, but maybe it is because I belong to a few web forums where it started and it's become a fad and it isn't the norm as such.
But to end this post I am going to talk about the worse thing that happened to me this last week. There was a big sale on at Silkweavers for classic linens and I love their hand dyed stuff but I obviously haven't quite got to grips with their new ordering system as I managed to order four pieces in 18ct Cork Linen which I can't see myself using. I am only glad the big piece I ordered I did manage to get right but if anyone thinks they can use the linen leave me a message and we can talk. They are all fairly neutral colours and are the smallest size they have on the site.

Life

I wasn't sure how to title this post so a simple word will have to do for now. I know it takes me a while to catch on but just lately I have started to become a bit confused about the direction my life is taking. I think it is because I am at an age where many of my friends are moving on with their lives by settling down and having children and I am starting to realise how restricted certain areas of my life are. It is weird as I don't feel I have lived enough to settle yet so in that sense I am happy, but I am not sure I am ever going to get the chance to really live whilst I depend on dialysis to keep me alive. And that is the rub-it keeps you alive but it is also a terrible tie in and of itself, not to mention some of the side effects I seem to now have. I am much more nauseous and tired than I have previously been and yet my results are very good so we are not sure why that is the case. But it puts me off my food-which I eat because I have to rather than because its enjoyable otherwise it would lead to more problems for me. Anyway the answer is a transplant and although it is now no longer out of the question and I am on the waiting list, the years not on it have left a lasting legacy. My chances of a match have decreased since the surgeon wrongly said no and I have a remote chance of getting a new kidney and even if I do the worst dialysis complication of low BP I have got gives it a lower chance of success. To stand a chance I would need extra care in ICU and all that goes with it, so the thought of a transplant is at the same time a blessing and a curse. And yet it is the only thing that can help my quality of life so it is a double edged sword and in many ways not to be taken lightly.
In the past I always got on with things but for some reason time seems to be slipping away and I all I can do is carry on and try and get the most out of life as I can. So although the OU keeps me busy and I am loving the new course I am going to actively try and do stuff that might improve my mood and feelings of frustration at what I can't do and embrace those I can. I want to try and think about going on holiday but I have been told it may not be that easy as my BP is scarily low for those who don't know it is normal for me and even if another unit agree to take me it may not be a good idea if they get freaked out by it. I also have clinic this week after my last appointment was cancelled and there is alot to get through as apart from the above I have been picking up infections and need a jolly good sort out I think.
I feel a bit selfish for thinking all this as I know I am so much better than many other patients but I am also alot younger so I think that makes a small difference. We have also lost 8 patients at the unit in as many weeks and 2 of them I had known for awhile and in particular one of them was especially upsetting. But one of the things I am finding hard is not having many contemporaries to speak too as most patients my age have had transplants and it changes the dynamics of the relationship and it is also very suprising how quickly they forget what dialysis is like and can't relate to the situation in the same way. When I think of things like this I wonder if things would have changed in my friendship with Sara if she had lived and got her transplant. But somehow I am not sure it would as we clicked on so many levels and many away from our shared illness, but I could be wrong and living with rose tinted spectacels which is all to easy to do. So I leave you with some lyrics that remind me of her:

"There You'll Be"

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

[Repeat chorus]

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be

Mammoth finish

After a very long time in the stitching I have finished Chatelaine's MVI:





The only change I made was to the center as although I bought the embellishment pack, the leaf I received didn't look right and I also wasn't keen on the monogrammed center. By looking what others have done I got inspiration and managed to come up with something I liked using beads from the kit and embellishment pack.

Gilded dragonfly

This is now finished and I am pretty pleased with how it has turned out. I had thought it was complete yesterday until on sorting out the kit remnants I found the little dragonfly charm used on the fob lol. Although it isn't completely perfect and I suspect it may need some running repairs on occasion it resembles what it is supposed to and works so that is all fine by me:






In other news it has been a bit of a stressful week as I have been trying to sort out acceptance on my OU course. The deadline has been drawing ever nearer and no progress was being made, but I think I am now on the course after phoning up yesterday for advice. I still have a few days if this isn't the case but I really don't like coming in late like this. However it seems I am not at much disadvantage as I am doing the pre-reading and the course books are delayed so I may well end up receiving them the same time as everyone else, but it's the principle I object too.

Gilded Dragonfly progress

I have finished Just Nan's limited edition Gilded Dragonfly scissor purse today. I still have the fob to make up and, although I know it is far from perfect I am pretty pleased with how it is turning out. I am not an expert in making things up by any stretch of the imagination and me and sewing machines do not get on so it is all done by hand:



The back below has a change as I ommitted the wool rose from the pattern and instead used the Baroque butterfly bead by Just Nan in the space-something which fits almost perfectly:



Finally the inside:



Once this is finished I have the beading on MVI to finish off and then that will be complete too. At that point it is likely my rotation will have a bit of an overhaul as I want to cut down the number of pieces I am working on at one time. I also have a few committments so will be concentrting on those at least until the end of the year. Nothing has been decided as yet as I am waiting to start my OU course in just under 3 weeks when I can assess how much stitching time I am going to get. I can't believe the holidays are nearly over and not sure where the time has gone.

One of the highlights of my holiday was a mini get together here in Weston, when Scully came to visit and we also met up with a few others whilst she was here and we all had a fantastic time. That was last week which was swiftly followed by a visit from my family who were staying in a caravan slightly down the coast so we got to spend good quality time with them all. We had a lovely meal out and also babysat my nephews for a few hours so their parents could have a break out for lunch and a wander round the local town.

I passed

I found out on Monday I passed my OU course but as predicted I did drop a grade but on reflection I am not sure if I would have got the next grade up anyway. This is because all my answers ended up being in the same grade band, but as we are not told the actual grade achieved for each section I am not sure if I did better in the disastrous section or not as well as I thought in the others. For the first time this year we also got feedback on our work which I found singularly unhelpful and quite frankly a bit soul destroying. The comments were difficult to put into any real context as they were a choice of five definitions for certain elements we were required to achieve, but without knowing what actual marks we received they were a bit meaningless. What was interesting on the forums for the course were the number of people complaining about this and when two students comapred the comments they got they were wildly different and yet they received the same mark. One was like mine where the comments seemed to suggest a much lower mark, and the other was told he was predominantly good and even excellent and yet they were only 5% above me and in the same mid grade band. Go figure!!
So now I am not thinking too much about those comments and just being happy that I passed and safe in the knowledge that it's taught me loads for the next course and I had a great year of study too.

Sweet treats finished

I finished this today:



I have really enjoyed stitching this as I love these designs and the combination of threads that are used in them. I used all the recommended fabric and threads and am thrilled with the outcome.
In other news I am on my holiday from my course and results are due in next week sometime. I am feeling a bit nervous as the exam didn't go quite as well as I hoped as I got a mental block which threw totally threw me. I think I will probably drop at least one grade now but these things can never be predicted so I hope that maybe, just maybe I could possibly have done enough on the rest of the paper. I am also being hopeful and changed my degree to pure literature, but I did waver for a bit as the section which threw me off in the exam involves the same area of my next course. But in the end I figured that it wasn't that I didn't understand it or hadn't done the work for the exam it was one of those unfortunate things. In the cold light of day I knew what I could have added and have learnt from it so onwards and upwards.
This week has been a bit of a sad one for the town I live in as our pier was gutted by a fire on Monday morning. We saw the smoke on the way to dialysis and at that point we weren't quite sure where it was coming from, but one of my fellow patients who lives nearby told us what was happening when he arrived. It didn't sound that good and then it hit the news and we all sat watching the updates as the situation got worse and worse. Here is a link to a you tube video which shows you all you need to know about this story. I would like to post the video here but for the moment don't know how so if anyone can tell me let me know. It also seems that the link won't work at the moment either but if you search for Weston pier it is the video that titled before and after.
This weekend I am off to Cornwall to visit a very good friend and I am really looking forward to the break away. I am not sure what the weather will be like but it usually doesn't matter when we get together. One of our great memories actually involved this pier as we went there a few years ago just to behave like big kids. I don't think either of us will forget the laughs we had when a group of old folks went on the dodgems and drove hell for leather. One mans flat cap came flying off and he just manouvered his dodgem round and rescued it as he neatly swept passed it with his car. Although we were laughing we were secretly impressed with that move and a bit later when we were by the shooting range he reared up behind us cap firmly on his head to see what was going on which started us off all over again.

Row of cats

I finished this a few minutes ago and I am really pleased with how it turned out. I think I will get the matching dog one at some point and then get them framed the same: