What a great suprise!!

Yesterday I received a suprise package in the post. I got Tocatta number 1, the fabric and some Vicki Claytons to stitch it with. I think I know who posted it, but whether it was on behalf of someone else or from them I am not sure. It was on my wishlist and it was a fantastic suprise and I am thrilled to bits with it. Whoever you are many thanks once again and it was a lovely thing to receive.
Today is dads birthday so we have been out for a lovely lunch and generally having a chilled out day, but I think on the whole he is enjoying it. Tomorrow I have my OU reunion which I am looking forward to but I just hope I feel ok after dialysing. Lately I have been very tired and Friday's are worse so I have my fingers crossed that it will be ok. It is taking place at one of the students house in Bath so I will be going up by train, but getting a lift to and from the station. It is also an evening thing and I don't think it will be a mega late night.
One piece of bad news is that I found a tiny lump in my breast a couple of weeks ago and my GP has referred me to the specialist clinic. He is almost positive it is nothing but they have a protocol that if they can feel it you must go to this clinic. It is a one-stop place and you get the results on the day and I go straight after dialysis on Monday. I only got referred on Tuesday so that isn't bad going. At present I don't feel too concerned but of course there is that inevitable niggle in the back of my mind, but my GP was so reassuring that has helped alot with how I feel. I so don't need this extra concern at the moment but at least it isn't going to be a drawn out business.

It's been awhile

I have not blogged for awhile as I have had alot on since finishing my course and much of it has given me food for thought. As I said in a previous post I requested to see a psychologist as my head was all over the place with the transplant saga. I really did not want to go when it came to it but decided I couldn't carry on the way I was so I took a deep breath and off I went. I was expecting it to initially make me feel worse as stuff got dredged up but I was not prepared for the onslaught of emotion it has bought about. One thing it did do was clarify some of my thoughts about things I needed to find out to help make a decision and what the core issues were. So having worked out the former I went in to see my consultant the following week for my routine appointment and I asked him the questions that had been niggling-some of them unconciously. What transpired was that what I had feared that I had been living a lie for four years was mostly correct. I could have gone on the transplant list then and would never have had to live with what has come to be seen as my core issue. It took quite awhile to come to terms with not being able to ever have a transplant unless some miracle occurred but the most difficult thing to get my head round was the way the surgeon delivering the news went about it. He gave me lots of time scales as to when a transplant would be an emergency and then they would consider it but I would have to be aware that it was 50/50 it would kill me. As I had gone to the appointment with the idea that I was going to be listed for a transplant but wanted all the risks outlined this was the last thing I was expecting. Further more he ranted about how he would have to live with it if the worst happened as well as my family and friends if they did a transplant then when dialysis was working well for me. It has to have been one of the most traumatic moments of my life and for some reason it was an appointment I went into entirely alone as I had a strong feeling I should do so-don't ask me why as I always have someone there but I digress. So this is the core of my distress that I came to terms and coped with something so traumatic and now the anger and upset has kicked in knowing this should never have happened and where we are now we should have been then. I can't even think about the lost time and what my life could be like now as that is pointless but it makes it all the more clear that doctors have to be so careful in the way they say stuff. I actually think if I hadn't had some of these other things said to me at that time then I wouldn't feel like I do now to such an extent.
During the session we also touched on the loss of Sara and the psychologist said that is two massive things to have happened and she doesn't know about all the other awful things too. It is a good job that there doesn't seem to be a maximum number of sessions as there are in some places as there is alot of material to cover. Although I don't think I can completely tell her everything that happened especially where the kidney group is concerned but that is slowly resolving itself anyway.
The group is so far removed from what Sara envisioned now with so much back biting and poison going on I am glad to be away. It no longer feels like what we all started and certainly the idea of patients being supported is at best laughable. The only thing that has the capacity to upset me now is the veiled references by the members left of how important she was and how hard it has been for them all. I totally agree with that and of course I am feeling it too but I don't need to publicly write it on message boards and more over IF they felt bad why can they not see that I did too and treated me better. But to be honest I get the sense it is used when it suits others to do so and to make a point which is too complicated to go into here. I am no longer in touch with any of them and although I thought there was at least one who would stick by me it turns out that this is not to be. I hope we can still be friends but they are now being very distant and I feel completley abandoned. But then maybe starting again is no bad thing when it comes to it.
Anyway onto the good stuff. I am stitching quite a bit and really enjoying having a bit more time to do so. I started my big brother marathon and after two weeks I am making good progress on my Margaret Sherry design. I also finished part 3 of MIX and I am a few hours away from finishing this entire rotation round. Angel of the morning by L&L is the final piece and she is nearly there. I am certain she will be finished this year and hopefully in the next few rounds and I am just in love with the piece. I also only have May on my Mini Kats to do before I order the next two and that means excellent progress has been made there too.
I am also deciding which OU course to do next and keep wavering at the moment. I thought I had made a definite decision yesterday but on thinking carefully about it I saw some flaws in the plan so I am re thinking again lol. We are having a tutor group reunion in Bath next Friday so maybe talking it over then with the students and our tutor may help. This evening is going to be an informal celebration of the course finishing and as I have to work out the logisitics of travel I came clean and said I am not being awkward but have medical issues. They were all fantastic about it which put in stark relief that there are good people in the world who are prepared to help and understand. It is what I expected of people in the same situation so when it didn't happen that was a shock and made me wary of coming clean, but it goes to show that if people are basically decent then it is not an issue.
There is also something else I have been keeping to myself for a long while now and that is that I am going to become an aunt in November. We knew right at the beginning as my brothers girlfriend had quite a few problems so he rang my mum for advice. But she is coming up for the last scan so all is going ok now. It is exciting but hasn't been without some problems here as mum adjusted to the idea, but as she has got her knitting out I am sure it is fair to say she is pleased. :-) Whether they decide to know the sex they don't know yet but as mum is knitting in white it will be fine.
Finally we booked a holiday in Lanzarote for the end of September. The place looks really nice and the dialysis unit has good machines and is staffed by many English nurses and has apartments attached. These apartments are next door but separated by a garden so we won't be right on top of the unit, has a pool and each one has a terrace or balcony. I have dialysed away from home before but never abroad so it should be an exciting experience. In fact I have never been abroad or on a plane before so it will all be very new and I am looking forward to a good break. If anyone has been and knows of some good things to see and do that may not be in the guide books please let me know.

A small finish

This was a SAL with Scully and Deb and was great fun to do. I never knew how easy the Whimzi frames were to use:

I am feeling a bit lost now my course has come to an end and after being on a high on Thursday as I posted the last paper, had a hair cut and bumped into an old friend I crashed yesterday. I didn't have a good dialysis but it was one of those days in general. I feel ok today and have pottered round town, put the picture together and done some stitching.
I think there is only Dr Who I want to watch on tv tonight as it is the Eurovision song contest which I don't really enjoy. Oh yes there is also Big brother and I started my Margaret Sherry cat design and am only stitching it when settled in for this progrma. There maybe some time before or after of stitching but so far it's going well.

I bit the bullet

And now my course is officially over. I am still hanging around the forum to cheer the rest on and out tutor group may well meet up again for an end of course meal. The unseen assignment went ok but not as well as I hoped. We knew it was going to be 4 questions on either Art History, Literature, Music or Philosophy. The first 3 are my strongest so I studied those as I hate philosophy and although I get it my grasp isn't as good on it. We only had to answer 2 subjects so as the first two were my strongest I revised music as a back up. The Art History question was ok and the picture easy to define and talk about but the next two were and I either panicked or couldn't get my head round it. So I went for philosophy with no revision as something in me told me it was ok and the only one I could reasonably do. So that part at the end was a bit waffly etc but I am hopeful I have done enough and we do only need 30% to pass the course.
So I am keeping everything crossed I have done enough to pass this course but have a tense few months to wait until I find out. However I really enjoyed almost all of it-even the parts where it stressed me out something chronic. I am pleased and proud of myself as I rose to the challenge in a year that was full of stress and upset and still kept going. I think it was a sort of saviour for me for much of the time but I wonder how I am going to be now it's over. But alot of the problems are reaching a sort of resolution now and my renal clinic referred me to a psychologist in the unit just to talk over some of my feelings. I requested the service on the back of the transplant situation and that I was just generally making myself ill with going round and round everything that was going on. Although I am in a better place than I was when I asked for it I am going ahead with it as I still have a fair amount of anger to work through and try and deal with. My first session is next week and then the following week I am back to see my consultant to talk everything through. He was actually at the unit for his monthly visit last week when I was and I received a letter in the post a couple of days later telling me my injection was increasing. I take EPO which is the banned drugs runners use but it is fine for us and for some reason my haemoglobin is not going up too well at the moment. It is most likely that I have had alot of niggly viruses which can knock it down, coupled with the fact that my iron stores went very low which also plunges the haemoglobin. So although my iron is fine now the viruses have probably stopped it coming up properly. This letter came from the people who deliver the drug so I was annoyed no one had told me, but I remember the consultant had been lurking by the scales when I was. I didn't say anything as assumed he would say something if he needed too. I was busy talking to the male nurse as we thought my weight was a bit odd but still in the end the message got through which was the main thing.
So now I am free to stitch alot more so I am likely to tweak my rotation a bit and have decided to go ahead with the big brother idea and will start another small kit on thursday as the new series starts. I have pretty much decided to start a Margaret Sherry one of a cat in an armchair which is gorgeous and I have been itching to start for ages-any excuse eh?

Just one hurdle to go

I checked online this morning and my assingment was there. Not suprisingly it is the worst mark yet at 62% but we only needed 30% to give us a fighting chance of passing the course so now it is the final hurdle. I have been checking online at what else I now need to pass and as long as I get 3o% in this last timed assignment I am home and dry. What pass level I get depends on how well I do but if I pass it will be level 3 or 2. But at the moment I have that last hurdle to jump which will be this week and as I feel well today I may bite the bullet and do it-got a phobia about being ill at the end and it going pear shaped.
Then later today I am going to start a piece called March hare by Just Nan which I am doing as a SAL with Scully and Deb is also going to join us. I love this piece and I am looking forward to a small easy non demanding piece of stitching.
Talking of Scully I feel sorry I missed chatting online to over the weekend and missed wishing her happy hols. So hope you have a good one and enjoy your rest and relaxation and talk to you soon.
Have a good day all.

Was one of those weeks

So much has happened this week and yet none of it I particularly want to blog about as it isn't so easy to do that. But one of the things was finally sorting out the stitching gtg's I am attending this summer and thanks to some great people I am lucky enough to be able to go to the ones up north this year. They are something I am very much looking forward to as I get to see all my online friends again and escape from here for a night or two. It is ok here but sometimes a break to recharge the batterires is no bad thing.
I am on email watch again for the last assignment to be returned and soon I have to sit down and do the timed assignment. I have penciled in next Saturday morning for it and then that's it the course is done and I will probably feel a bit lost for awhile. It is already winding down and I find myself at a loose end even now, but I am sure once I pick up my needle I again I will get lots of stitching done.
Talking of which I am having a crazy idea to do a big brother stitching marathon, in that I have got obsessed with it so why not combine the two. My idea is to pick a project and to stitch that whilst watching big brother and if I finish it I start another. I thought it maybe a good way of getting my stash pile of little kits down and reckon in the 3 month run I could get quite a few done. The series starts on Thursday and this week I am doing a SAL with Scully on Just Nans March hare so might make that my first big brother project. Watch this space folks??
Other than that it's been crazy this week and is starting to settle a bit now and I am off to chill for a bit before tea. Then it is the usual dance fever programme and swooning at David Tennant for the rest of the evening. I wonder if he will wear those glasses again lol lol.

What a glorious day

The weather is absolutely beautiful here today!! Its just such a shame I have been stuck inside and not able to enjoy it. However I have finished and sent my assignment-took wayyyy longer than I expected but it's done and I am having Saturday off to celebrate. I also managed to clean and tidy my room so I can have an evening and a few days of guilt free stitching.
I was quite down last night as had a succession of phone calls bringing not such good news and I expect another one in the next day or two to tell me how last weekends meeting went. I actually don't feel a great need to know so I finally feel I am healing-taken long enough lol.
So for now I am going to chill and catch up with what you have all been up to, then go and stitch for a bit.

First Mini Kats picture

I have finished the first row of the Mini Kats wall hanging and these are the first three months of the year. I have made very few changes except on March's cat where the stems of the flower were white and in front of the cat. I thought it looked really odd so decided to go for the cat squashed at the front of the flowers look instead:

My weekend turned out to just be all about the assignment but looking on the forums everyone is having the same bother. Its a good job that we email our assignments as it gives me a few extra days, but I will have to remember that I won't get that luxury next time lol. Anyway I am now getting there and will have a good go at it tomorrow and hope that by Thursday it will just be a case of tidying it up and sending it off.
I hope to have an update piccie of MIX soon but it won't be an up to date one-I am about 2 and a bit months behind but its awhile since I put a picture up so will add another one soon. I am planning on doing a couple of hours on it tonight and it should be ready for the picture by the end of the week.

A quick thank you

To all those that commented on my last post. Your love and support mean an awful lot to me and it does help me to stay strong.
I have had a breakthrough in my studying today and also in the last 24 hours have had even more proof-as if it was needed that to leave the group was the best thing possible. I am not even upset that they are having a meeting soon and in actual fact I am relieved that I am not going as it is brewing up and every little update suggests more and more tension in the ranks.
This week is going to be a busy one with sorting out this assignment and hopefully getting some stitching done inbetween and I am aiming to get some new pictures up by the end of the month. Watch this space folks. :-)

I got THE brown envelope!!

Which contains my last and final Tma which has to be done under exam conditions. There is a desclaimer in it to say it wasn't opened before hand and was completed in a room on your own and in two hours. Its all becoming very near and final that we are at the end of this course. I still have the final Tma to go into my tutor at the beginning of May and then it's a couple of weeks of looking back at the course this last times Tma and thats it folks as they say.
Just after the course officially finishes I am back in clinic again and may well have reached a decision by then. Some things are becoming pretty clear anyway in that the original surgeon who refused me is not someone I trust enough with this complex operation. The juries still out as to whether he will agree or not and although I don't doubt his actual surgical skills most of my trust in him has gone which considering the circumstances would make the whole thing far more stressful. So I intend to tell my consultant that if I go ahead I want it noted that I won't accept him-unless he can explain his actions in a justifiable way which I don't think he will.
This whole thing has thrown up quite a few feelings this weekend and made me realise that with what he told me at the time I have been living a kind of half life. It was only a few months after this that I met Sara and helped set up the group which gave me meaning and purpose back into my life as well as someone to share the ups and downs with. So it kind of feels now we have come full circle except it's not we its just me and I hate that as she should be here now and have had her transplant and be doing great. Her death took some of the gloss off my world and as it was not exactly brilliant white at the time anyway and since then for a time it got very dark indeed. I feel I have come through everything that has happened since quite well all things considered and although it's taken me longer to heal than I thought it would I can feel the process is taking place. Sure I will always miss her ringing me up just to laugh, cry or moan about the lazy boys and I miss not being able to just pick the phone up to do the same and thats never going to change. But alot of the guilt over me leaving and not making it work for her sake has gone and some memories of the happy times have returned. I will always miss my buddy and in some ways the group as it was a life saver at a time I needed it, but ultimately it could have ended up destroying me and thats the part I will always feel sad about.
However I am still here and it hasn't destroyed me and I have started a new chapter in my life, which brings us back to the OU. I am definitely signing up for a further course and have almost decided which one it will be. I keep flitting between two but I am slightly more drawn to one called 'Exploring the Classical world'. I really loved all the bits of this course which focused on this era. We only touched on the Roman gladiators and Colleseum and one Classical play-Medea so I would love to learn much more. I really want to find out how they lived and worked and everything really so its pretty sure it will be that one I go for. It only has one start date a year which will be February next year so a nice long break filled with stitching, gaming and reading is probably just what the Doctor ordered.
So whats happening stitching wise? Well I am still sticking to the rotation and so far its still working well but as not all pieces are possible on a dialysis days I am stitching my Mini Kats wallhanging and simple parts on MIX on those days. I have nearly finished February of Mini Kats-January is done around a week ago and MIX I have finished part 2 and about half of 3. I have said before keeping up is not a priority and it isn't but the Medieval town one is getting more and more wonderful and I may have to squeeze it in. I have got to errr part 1 lol which is finished but obviously I have alot of catching up to do on that one. I may also get my knitting needles out again as I still have a baby hat to do for my friends and would like to knit more for them in the future.

Got myself that treat

After my great exam result I treated myself to A-ha's greatest hits album and as it was in the sale for half price the Rayman game for my DS.
We were up the mall today after my surgical appointment and had a little wander and as I decided to see if they had the album I checked out the rest of the stock too. I also wanted to get some slim bootleg jeans but so far haven't foudn any that are quite right so thats for next time.
So what about the appointment? Well we managed to get parked easily and prepared ourselves for a long wait as these surgical clinics are usually heaving, but on arrival there were only a few others there. We didn't have to wait long but it was all a bit disjointed as he kept looking for old test results and being sure he had everything in order as he was also concerned something was being missed. So echoes of the other surgeon creep in again as he is so well respected they all wonder how he got it so wrong. But got it wrong it seems he has so now I wait as he chases a couple of old tests up and decides if he wants anymore. He was going to do an abdomen x-ray but when I said I had one in November he ripped the form up lol and will check on some other things before deciding if I need any more investigations. However as things stands he is pretty positive that a transplant should be technically possible He acknowledges it could be impossible due to scar tissue as the others have already said but he thinks the chances of success are pretty good and quite alot better than the last surgeons opinion.
When I got home I had a little stash parcel waiting for me in the shape of the next two Mini Kats for the wall hanging-why do I call it that when I will probably frame it, with the variegated threads needed and also two spools of Kreinick for TW's Castle. I did a glittery conversion and have run out of how many spools I have used but this time got an extra one which 'should' be enough.

Obsessive email checking over

And would you believe it I got the highest yet at 80%. Yay!!!! In the end I emailed my tutor as it seemed something may have gone awry and indeed it had as I should have got it 8 days ago. DOH!!!! However you have to allow them at least two weeks from the cut off date so I would have felt like I was hassling before that. I even apologised for being cheeky in my email and asking but boy am I glad I did lol.
I have popped into town today and then did a good few hours of study-enough so I can have most if not all tomorrow off. So the rest of the weekend is going to be stitching and general chill out time.
Starting to gear up for my appointment on Thursday but am expecting nothing as such as it could go anyway. Whatever scenario I work through in my head a different one will happen so I am just trying to quench my anxiety, which is not easy as I am quite stressed out at the moment in general.

Anyway Happy Easter all.

Easter decorating

As I wasn't in the mood to do any blog decorating at Christmas I am doing some Easter things instead. I haven't gone overboard but I quite like the smiley guys I have used.
This week has been a busy one as I am trying to get ahead with my studying and also had a couple of beauty appointments today. I now feel pampered although not exactly beautiful lol. I also finished my stitching rotation so am about to embark on round 6 tonight. I am so happy with it at the moment that I am going to stick with it for awhile yet and I can see real progress on all the projects in it.
Yesterday my consultant was on his monthly visit to the unit and I had already left a message asking if something had gone amiss with my surgical appointment. I had to leave a message as its rare that he is there when I was but yesterday he was and on his way out he came over and had a quick word. He said that the appointment had been chased up and it would be next week and to await a letter in the post. Just as I was thinking it was a good job I checked the letter arrived today and had been written earlier this week so it was in hand anyway-but its reassuring to check. He then asked how my foot was and I gave him a brief overview-although Sister may already have said something. However he is happy to leave it as its causing me no problems at all and agrees with the others that it's not worth messing with it if essentially it isn't affecting my life. Which is fair enough by me and one less thing to mention at my next clinic.
I am still obsessively checking my OU email and nothing so far to report but it should literally be any time now. I have also managed to get ahead so I can have Easter day itself off and as my appointment is a very late morning one next week I don't have to have the full day off then either.
The stitching show at Shepton Mallet is coming up-I think its next week but so far I can't decide whether to go or not. I don't need anything but its nice to go and see pieces in the flesh and there maybe the odd unmissable bargain too. I was thinking maybe I couldn't spare the time as it would mean another day off from studying but I have got ahead and now the appointment won't take a whole day away I may still go.
I hope you all have a lovely Easter if I don't blog before hand and a relaxing time is had by all.

Ok maybe I really shouldn't be on this wagon

I am a total failure at staying on the stitching wagon and just keep seeing more and more stuff I like. So far this week I have fallen for 2 Chatelaines which is no suprise I guess, and this time it is Mini M and Persian Iris Garden. I am tempted with the mini one as its the next series of gemstones and as I did all the others then I kind of want to stay in that vein. As for Persian well its a Mandala so that pretty much says it all. My resolve is not helped by the fact I have a couple of sizeable GC's to be used as well which could cover a big portion of both of these if I didn't get the whole kit especially for the garden.
I also started my mini kats wall hanging and finished the January one in around 3 days so that was good going and they are hopefully going to be good fillers inbetween my rotation.
As well as the above I have a few things on order-mostly stuff needed to finish things in progress or stash but to make shipping worthwhile a few other things may have entered the mix. But when theres a sale on whats a stitcher supposed to do?
Other than stitching I am having fun with my DS and picked up the out of stock game which I got with my package-Sonic Rush yesterday which is just WOW undescribable. I am so happy with all 3 games I got in this package and love them all. This is one hand held I won't get bored of easily.
But I still need to concentrate on the OU stuff as we are on the downward slope of it now. You wouldn't believe how stressed that makes me feel and I know its because I really don't want it to go pear shaped now. I am willing my body not to become ill until after so I know I have done it and haven't wasted months of work to come out with nothing. Actually scrub that last sentance I am willing my body not to be ill at all lol. At the moment I am waiting for the lastest assignment to be returned and as it comes via my OU email I am clicking the link oooh several times a day but it should be soon now.
Dialysis is pretty much ok but I didn't blog about the problem of last Monday. The main water filter broke and it was hours before we could actually dialyse and even then we ended up doing far less as it was evening by then and the staff just made us safe until we returned on the Wednesday morning. Other patients were transferred elsewhere and for awhile it was quite stressful as we could have ended up anywhere dialysing. The situation wasn't helped at it was Monday so we had all just had our longest stretch so really couldn't go much longer without dialysis, if there were to be no knock on effects. However the staff were fantastic at getting us all sorted and kept a level head and ensured patient safety first and although its not something that is desirable to happen it was handled very well indeed.
Right going to grab a cup of tea and a biscuit and see whats going on elsewhere. Might just go and check the OU page again!! ;-)

Stash

I received a lovely stash parcel in the post today. I needed some threads that I couldn't find anywhere so on Paula's recommendation I went to Down sunshine lane. As it would have been crazy to buy just two threads from the USA I also got some Cougar scissors which have been raved about and if any good are a fantastic price and a scissor fob as I am a bit of a collector of them. So here is the stash:

And a close up of the scissors and fob. The charms are all stitching related and the soveriegn has I love cross stitching on it with a heart and something else I am trying to make out on it and it is just fabulous:

For now after my recent splurges I am firmly back on the wagon but had to show you this as it is so pretty.

If I am not around much

Its because I have a new toy. Today I got a Nintendo DS, which I have been wanting to get since Christmas. I kept wondering if I would play with it or really like it but decided what the hell-lifes too short. I have been researching packages and nearly got one in Argos this week but then today online it said they were out of stock again. So as mum was going into town to the hairdressers and as I was feeling ok after dialysis I decided to go and check it out for myself in case they were wrong online. As I was doing a recce of the shops I came across a fabulous deal in Game which had the exact 3 games I wanted with some accesories for a very good price indeed. It was more than Argos but overall it was too good an offer to pass up and when I was speaking to the guy in the shop and he was pointing out what was included he said it was a very good offer indeed. They were out of one of the games so I am having one reserved in the next delivery for collection sometime next week.
I always feel guilty buying stuff for myself but I had always intended on using my £100 lottery winnings at Christmas for one and have a very healthy bank balance at the moment and with my stress levels and feeling so down I felt it was time to treat myself. Ok I have bought quite a bit of stash lately too but nothing huge or ridiculously exspensive and now I am on the wagon for a bit. But I am in a devil may care attitude at the moment and I want to just relax and have fun-something that hasn't happened for awhile.
So I may not be around for a bit as I will be busy playing the games I have and hopefully destressing-but thats obviously inbetween the OU work lol. Which is one of the reasons I got it today-guilt free as I don't study on a dialysis day. Tomorrow I would have been torn on which to do first lol.

It's all happening this week!!

Phew what a week and it's only Wednesday. Firstly I have a HD of another knitting piece. This time its a scarf for mum which is in Patons Whisper again, but this time is in the Nutmeg colour. Not sure where they got the name from as I thought nutmeg was more orangey/brown than this but its nice anyway and mum is chuffed to bits-good job she chose the colour by look rather than name though:



Secondly I am trying to get my 7th assignment in-can you believe we are on number 7 already? Where has the last 6 months gone? Anyway its going well but I am becoming obsessed with tweaking it and its becoming a bit ridiculous. I am not saying anything else, just changing the way I exspress it so maybe I should just read it through and email it. I think this time I am a bit more nervous as this one is 15% of the final grade which is the highest so far as all others have been 10%. What am I going to be like in 4 weeks when the 20% one needs to be put in. Arrghhhh.
Thirdly although I am not going into details here major things are going on with the group and none of its pleasent. I am just so relieved to be out of it, but unfortunately a few people are under more stress now trying to put an impossible situation right.
Right anything else? I think thats it-just seems like a jumble of stuff all happening at once but most of it is good stuff and the bad-well can stand back and just wait and see now.
One more thing I have just remembered is that I have finished Labyrinth by Kate Mosse. It was quite a good book, but in some places I got a bit confused as there were alot of characters spanning different centuries and as I am a slow reader I did get lost at times. Anyway for those who like a mystery with a twist, or archaelogical stories its worth a try. Mum is borrowing it next, but get in contact if you want to borrow it after. I have now started The Da Vinci code and that is promising as I am flying through that and it looks to be different but every bit as good as Angels and Demons.

Good day

Today has been a really good productive day. My friend Jane from Cornwall was in the area this weekend so she picked me up this morning and we went into town for a spot of shopping, tea drinking and a gossip. I managed to get two nice tops from Next. One was a sporty white long sleeved white top with a bright pink sleeveless hoodie over the top which came as one piece but will be a great mix and match set, for spring, summer and autumn. The other was a crinkle long sleeved top with embroidery and applique on it. Also good for the 3 seasons but will be cool in a heat wave too because of its material. I am trying to find some light long sleeved tops this year as I don't like showing the arm where I have dialysis as its pretty yucky but also don't want to boil in cardigans. So I am getting stuff when I see it as so many times I lose out thinking it will still be there in a few weeks.
I got home earlier than I thought so managed to crack on with my essay and have made huge in roads into it, so I don't feel as panicky as I did about getting this one in on time. Its weird because although I have sort of seen a slow upward climb in demand on this course it really has suddenly changed pace, and I can see how its preparing us for a course at the next level. Its quite subtle and also very manageable as its been very well structured that its not until you have done it do you realise you have gone up a gear.
Then tonight I stitched on MIX-I finally finished part 1 last night and as I have been stitching part 2 at times along the way I am not far off finished with that either. Now I can see the textures coming in its starting to look good and even though I have been cussing and swearing with the perle stuff its been well worth it.
Then to round off my day nicely I won £10 on the Thunderball lottery and I am trying to remember how much I have won this year but can't-but also didn't report the £5 won last week so I am doing ok.

Hope you are all having a good weekend too.

Good/bad fracture clinic news

I am back and a bit confused but its starting to make some sense. Apparently its not healed and probably never will be. :-( But as it has plenty of fibrous tissue supporting it then no long term harm will be done. So the plan is to leave it unless it starts causing problems in the future and I have an open appointment for 12 months so can go back easily in that period if it causes problems. Not that I was oppered one but, I think on balance the risk of an operation with complications of bleeding and infection compared with the fact its not presently causing a problem with every day life this is the best step to take-no pun intended lol. I may think about asking my consultant to refer me to someone in Bristol for a second opinion as I know how frightened my local hospital is of kidney patients but I would refuse to have the operation there anyway for just that reason.

So lots to muse on and think about but I think the result could have been worse.

Another week gone

I am getting lax at thsi blogging lark but the truth is I just seem to be so busy. Thats not a bad thing as it means I don't have to think too much about stuff as when I do my anxiety kicks right in again.
So what am I busy with? Its mainly study and more study as the last few blocks of this course are really intensive. We are already at an end of block 6 and now in reading week but I am playing catch up and will probably have to work very hard at getting this assignment done. This one is non-substitutable and has a higher threshold-its also worth the most so far at 15%. We have until the 31st but when you factor out 6 days for dialysis it leaves little time to finish the block and write the assignment and fit in life around it. Tuesday I have the fracture clinic again lol but luckily as its early in the morning it shouldn't have too much time to get behind but depending on what they say depends how much study I feel like doing. I know almost instinctively that its not healed but I am hoping that my feeling of progress is not wishful thinking. I really, really don't want a bone graft and have a deal to broach with them lol. When I went in December they wanted my calcium higher and my consultant immediately changed my drugs which made only a small difference and its only 3 weeks ago they they have been more radically changed. So I am hoping that they will hold off from the bone graft and from what I gather if its even improved a bit they will just keep seeing me until its done.
So then I have Thursday free to study and Saturday my friend Jane is in the area so we are going shopping and having a girlie day-much needed but probably no study time lol. She has 2 family weddings to go to this year and we are going to look at some outfits and generally have a catch up.
Craft wise I am doing bits and pieces-finishing mums knitted scarf, little amounts of MIX and some of my rotation. I want to start several things and can't decide whether to or not. I haven't really got time to stitch too much at the moment but it would also be nice to have a few smaller pieces on the go. Although yes they are smaller but I want to make them into a bigger picture such as Bent Creek's Winter Snapperville. I am going to do this with the border and as one big picture-so four small charts becomes quite big lol. I am also wanting to start my Kats by Kelly year long wall hanging. They release two monthly themed Mini Kat deigns every other month or so which again are small but there are 12 of them lol. I also have to count these as a wip until the entire thing is done the same as I do with the Chatelaine mysteries so my wip count just increases. But they also make for some quick designs and a good thing to stitch after dialysis.
Anyway think that is that for now but hope you are all ok and will try and post on Tuesday with the news from the fracture clinic whether that is good or bad.

Tutorial and small HD

I went to my first tutorial yesterday and the 3 hours just flew. It was great to meet everyone and put names to faces as we have studied for around 5 months on a message board together but most of us had never met. There was a tutorial right at the beginning of the course but I and most others didn't make it for various reasons. I didn't feel like the fish out of water I was worried about being and now have more confidence both personally and with the course.
Then yesterday evening I finished up the square that is going to be part of a quilt in memory of Laura from the stitching community. Laura sadly passed away last month and it has been organised by some of her friends as a gift for her family so they can appreciate how well thought of she was. I chose to do the square that Teresa Wentzler adapted for my 30th birthday quilt last year and I stitched it in Laura's favourite purple colurs:



Out of courtesy I emailed Teresa to check it was ok to use and she was honoured to have its conclusion in the project. I felt it was appropriate as its something that defines me and my place in the online stitching community as well as being designed by someone whos board Laura was part of.
Today I am pretty tired after yesterday's busy day but finished up the next piece in my rotation plus a few minutes more to finish a thread lol, and have also completed my studies for the day. So for the rest of the day I plan to chill out and knit, stitch or surf.
This week is looking fairly quiet so far with a short appointment Thursday morning and getting some more study done inbetween.

New stash

For someone who is on the wagon I seem to be getting quite a few stash parcels through lol. Yesterday I got the winter snapperland border and fabric package and two of the charts as well as the snapperville border package. I also bought Just Nans newest Tulip time and the limited edition frost flower that has a frame and organza pouch which is just beautiful. But all of the above apart from the Just Nan limited were on such a good offer that I couldn't resist.
Then today I received some threads and a kit. The threads were a mixture of lots of black for my Kats by Kelly monthly wallhanging-which may wait to next year now and some purples for Laura's quilt project. Laura sadly passed away in February and was well known in the sttichers community so in memory we are stitching squares up to be made into a quilt in her memory. I have chosen to stitch the Teresa Wentzler square that was an adaptation she did for my 30th birthday quilt. I thought this would be a nice choice as it is personal to me, can be done in the colours Laura loved and also be the right size and easily accomplishable in the time scale. The kit I got was the new Heritage one by Margaret Sherry called Home is where the cat is. I fell in love with it instantly the minute I saw a picture in a magazine and just had to have it. I plan to stitch it on a hand dyed fabric but not sure what yet. The evenweave fabric in the kit was such good quality-far beyond anything I own so I am using that for Laura's quilt square. I hoped it would be usuable for this as believe it or not I have no 28ct evenweave in a neutral colour lol and the quality was a bonus.

New stash

For someone who is on the wagon I seem to be getting quite a few stash parcels through lol. Yesterday I got the winter snapperland border and fabric package and two of the charts as well as the snapperville border package. I also bought Just Nans newest Tulip time and the limited edition frost flower that has a frame and organza pouch which is just beautiful. But all of the above apart from the Just Nan limited were on such a good offer that I couldn't resist.
Then today I received some threads and a kit. The threads were a mixture of lots of black for my Kats by Kelly monthly wallhanging-which may wait to next year now and some purples for Laura's quilt project. Laura sadly passed away in February and was well known in the sttichers community so in memory we are stitching squares up to be made into a quilt in her memory. I have chosen to stitch the Teresa Wentzler square that was an adaptation she did for my 30th birthday quilt. I thought this would be a nice choice as it is personal to me, can be done in the colours Laura loved and also be the right size and easily accomplishable in the time scale. The kit I got was the new Heritage one by Margaret Sherry called Home is where the cat is. I fell in love with it instantly the minute I saw a picture in a magazine and just had to have it. I plan to stitch it on a hand dyed fabric but not sure what yet. The evenweave fabric in the kit was such good quality-far beyond anything I own so I am using that for Laura's quilt square. I hoped it would be usuable for this as believe it or not I have no 28ct evenweave in a neutral colour lol and the quality was a bonus.

The weekend

I have finished studying for the weekend because I am so tired and trying to conserve my energy. At times it feels like I am running on empty at the moment but need to keep as fit as possible as it is the last couple of months of the course, plus some other stresses will be coming up. I also missed studying on Thursday as I had a weird reaction to Tuesday or possibly some kind of bug-I am not sure, but that has also stressed me out as I am worried about falling behind.
Anyway yesterday I slept in and then me and mum went for our Saturday morning browse round town and I spent the afternoon studying. Then in the evening I got loads of stitching done on MIX whilst watching the final of Dancing on ice. That was amazing as they flew in this last show and the poor guy Stefan Booth looked like he was going to be sick at the end but he went on to come second with Gaynor Faye winning. It was a really good show and I wonder what will replace it-on the adverts its suggestive that they are doing premier movies soon which will also be good.
Today I was up early and did a little more on my rotation piece-MVI and then spent about 3 hours studying and I am now quite tempted to go and watch a film and do some knitting. But I also seem to be strangely addicted to the net at the moment but I think relaxation wise the film and crafts of some sort might be a better bet.
This week is fairly quiet so far. I am off to the hairdressers for a trim on Thursday-had to cancel my last appointment for Thursday just gone when I was ill. Then next Saturday is a day tutorial in Bristol which I am determined to go to. As a tutor group we have been speaking on the message board since October now so it will be great to meet them all in person. So thats it for the coming week so far apart from more studying and maybe the odd trip into won.

Have a good week all.

So whats been happening?

Its been a busy and stressful time since I last posted. Last Tuesday I went to a mini GTG in Bristol with Amanda, Lorna and Karoline and it was a really great day. We went to St Nicholas market and had a browse round as well as visiting the craft shop there. I got some stash for card making which included some lovely cute small narrow cards and several sheets of peel offs. Then we adjourned to a nearby cafe for coffee and a chat. All too soon Lorna had to leave to get her bus home in time to get her girls from school, so we went to the House of Fraser to look at their small craft section. I got two balls of Paton's Lush wool in Carnival to make a scarf with and Amanda bought a kit. Then we had a spot of late lunch, some more tea and coffee and it was then time for me to leave the other two and make my way home. The time just flew and I hope the others had just as good a day as I did.
The rest of the week was fairly uneventful but on Friday I did get my lastest assignment back and got my worst mark at 65% but I can live with that as it wasn't too bad considering the subject matter. I was really stressed when studying the block that this was about and wasn't sure how effectively I took it all in so am quite happy to get a decent pass.
The weekend was spent studying and starting my scarf with the Patons yarn. It was also when I started to seriously stress out about everything again. I knew the reason was because I had clinic coming up but it doesn't stop the stress.
Which brings me to yesterday. I went to clinic and it does appear I never needed to be taken off the list and I am more than inclined to believe it is the surgeon who has been blocking things so I had my say. I said I was disgusted that he could do that and now act unsure whether to say yes or no now. I think he should either stand by his convictions or admit he made a mistake but that is where I leave it now. I decided not to make a formal complaint as I don't want to ailenate those helping me now and I don't think it would achieve anything anyway. What happens now is that another surgeon at the unit has agreed on principle to do the operation but wants to see me first, so I will see him at some point and then decide whether to relist for a transplant, once the risks have been weighed up. So after nipping to The Mall at Cribbs Causeway we came home and I got my knitting out, only to find there is a problem with one fo the balls of wool and its knitting up totally differently. Its so bad as to be unusuable so the piece has been retired and I am thinking of contacting Patons but as I don't have the wool band off the first ball I don't know if I have any recourse. Just as I was going online I noticed it was snowing and the poor cat had little snowflakes on his head and as its rare to get snow I guess he was wondering what it was.
This morning I got up for dialysis and mum came in and said that it was snowing steadily and there was a layer on the ground-but nothing was there when she got up, so it really did came down. By the time we had gone 3 miles to the hospital the snow had more or less gone and they didn't have the sharp shower we had. I guess its got to start and stop somewhere but it was quite odd and since getting home its snowed on and off but not really settled or come to anything.
So thats my week, both good and bad and I will try and post more regularly soon.

Round we go again

Just starting my rotation for the 5th time round now and no changes. Its working well and progress is being made on these 5 pieces so I am sticking with it for the moment.
This year I am not religiously keeping up with my Chatelaines and have decided to just stitch them inbetween my rotation if I feel like it or pop them into my rotation at a later date.
I think the only way to get my WIP count down this year is to stick to the rotation and try the tactic of finish 2 start one but only if its a despearate need. So far I have started MIX this year and the baby hat, but have finished the hat and two other things so I am doing ok.
Talking of the baby hat, I got a thank you letter and picture today and it looks great. The baby was even wearing the outfit I bought her when she was born-not sure if that was coincidence but was lovely to see.
My 6th assignment went in this week and that means we are 2/3 through-time has really flown on this one, but its been great.

Phone update

So far so good. I have received and sent texts-well once I got the text prediction thing switched off. I wanted to write NOT which is so simple but instead it made Noomuuu. I think that was Moomin speak lol, but now got that sorted and so far no more freezing going on.
My phone is slightly different to the picture I posted as it has an all pink key pad with charcoal/black lettering which lights up to a snazzy blue. The charm is also not quite as pink as that and has a pale pink strap. Otherwise its the same and I 'think' the changes might be from ultra limited edition to special edition. Judging by the number of poppy phones out there this edition I got is certainly not ultra limited and I do know that one had donations to breast cancer care. I am not sure whether this one has actually but it is a lovely phone and fingers crossed it carries on behaving.

Knitted baby hat with ears

I finished this tonight:




It is my first knitted garment finish. It is for a 3-6 month old baby and is knitted in Sirdar Snowflake DK prints in the lilac colourway.
I only needed a small portion of help with a small part of the pattern and with sewing the ears on. Otherwise it is all my own work lol.

Watch this space!!!!

Not long after I last posted I went back to my phone and it started freezing. After much playing about, changing of settings and head scratching I decided to restore it to the default settings, charge it up and leave it alone for a bit. So far it is ok and is behaving as I would expect but watch this space as I may have to rename myself mobile phone killer lol.

New phone

Well folks I had to go into town and get a new mobile today. Mine was only 4 months old and was a 30th birthday present from mum and dad. But last night it just wouldn't stay switched on. So we came to an agreement in that we would send it back to Orange as we got it online and if they send a replacement mum and dad would have it. So with that in mind they would give me some money towards a new one as they are unhappy my birthday pressie has broken. After much looking round town I got this little number:





Its so gorgeous and not too exspensive either. I am really pleased with it even if it was completely unscheduled and not on my agenda at all.
However I am to say the least a bit miffed with the other phone going wrong after such a short time which is one of the reasons I went for a different make and bought from a local shop this time.

Forgot to say

How could I forget to post that last Saturday I used a Christmas voucher towards A-Ha's new album Analogue. It is absolutely brilliant with a fabulous mixture of mellow and rock and Morten Harkett sounds as great as ever. They also came into the charts straight at number 10 last week with the single Analogue (all I want).

Long may they live. :-)

Whats been happening in the last week?

Well this last week has been mostly ok but there have been some down points. Lets look at the good first. I managed to reach the final in the Silkweavers contest with this:



I was really pleased as this was the first time I entered the competition and out of the 4 pieces I submitted this was my favourite. It was also the only one I didn't stitch in mind for the competition but just liked the threads on the fabric and the scan came out well too.
Also good is that the new machines started to arrive at the unit last week and I have now been on them 3 times. I can honestly say I don't feel as drained after dialysis each time on these and I am hoping this is good for the future as we will have 10 of these eventually. I should get to be on them most of the time as I need a special facility on them to help me not develop a long-term condition, which they felt I may have but its looking likely it was something else more minor. Actual results come out on this at my next clinic appointment but as the symptoms have gone with making my calcium higher I think it was probably that.
The bad is all wrapped up round this illness. I have felt mostly ok but I am to say the least tortured about what to do in regards my transplant options. Since walking away from the group it hightlights how isolated I also feel now in the kidney world, but that began even before Sara's death. We were each others kidney rock as well as normal every day life supporters and its so difficult to bear the loss. I just so miss the phone ringing every other day for a gossip and general chat. If Sara wasn't ringing me I often rang her and it was few days that would pass without us speaking either about the group and work we were doing or just about anything and everything.
Its funny as I have had many good friends in my life and a couple go back to school or college days but there was just something about this friendship. It was the kind that makes you believe you have known each other forever, the kind that knows exactly what that person felt about most things. In a nutshell it was a rare thing which makes it all the more difficult to bear. There are only one or two people who understand what it mean't and it was a wholly mutual thing and its going to be almost impossible to find again. Which is why 7-8 months on from leaving the group it hurts as if it was yesterday and I still ask what I could have done different. Could I have changed the course of events? Could I have coped with it better? Was I wrong to walk away? But each time I come back with a resounding no as it was a set of circumstances and people coming together at a time that wasn't good for me. I wonder if I hadn't had so many health concerns and if I wasn't grieving the loss of a loved friend and determined to keep it how she wanted then maybe it could have been different. But maybe some things are mean't to be and for whatever reason it was my turn to leave.
Maybe I wouldn't have done my course if I hadn't walked away and that is going well and I am doing lots of research into the next one. I have narrowed it down to about 4 lol but at the moment I am seeing how it goes as new courses and pathways are opening up all the time.
Ultimately who knows why some things happen and what the meaning of life is and with the transplant issue I have been considering this alot lately. I have made some decisions which involve me having to have my say over the 4 + years of error and taking it from there. But as usual wherever life takes me I have good friends to see me through and great projects to stitch and knit.:-)

Nothing else to do but!!

I have crossed the stitches and sewn on the 1400 or so beads so theres nothing to do but dance:

Chuffed to bits

Remember that last essay I did that I thought was badly wrong? Well I have just received the results and got 72% again. Furthermore where I thought I had gone wrong was fine and I only lost marks on some more minor things and a couple of omissions in one of the questions.
Other than that things are ok here. I have been having an emotional crisis with the transplant situation and the kidney group taking center stage. After chatting to someone who advises patients and talking through the transplant thing I now have a clearer idea where I stand in attempting to find out what happened. As thought it maybe impossible but has given me some food for thought and I now have a clearer idea of my options. I think I will start off by having a full and frank discussion with my consultant next month and take it from there.
As for the kidney group I am slowly getting there and realise that its affected me very deeply at a time when so much else is going on. There seems a big tanglement of that, Sara's death and the transplant issue all rolled together in a great big ugly knotted ball. I am trying to start at the beginning and unravel it and its not easy emotionally and can at times hurt like hell. Especially as Sara was my sounding board when I was upset and vice versa so the loss is awfully acute still. Also bringing me down are some ongoing health issues. It looks like my haemoglobin isn't shifting as they took it again yesterday after it was only done last Wedsnesday. I was a bit annoyed as I asked the nurse whether it had dropped and she said she wouldn't know as I am not in her team. We have a red and a green team and I am in red and she is senior staff nurse in green. But we are all patients in the unit surely and she could have offered to find out for me, but in the end as the consultant is on his monthly visit today I decided to wait until tomorrow and see what happens. However when you are physically or mentally low this attitude by the staff doesn't help. Incidentally when I blogged awhile ago about wondering if they weren't being open after it was taken last time and they didn't know why I now remember its the same nurse, so she probably didn't know. Obviously that is totally not the point but there is a pattern here lol and that is that even patients within the same unit are boxed off and its a bit mad. Ok rant over. Onto craft stuff. I have just 1 1/2 parts of MVIII to bead so watch out for a HD within days. Then I want to finish knitting my baby hat before shes too old to wear it and then I am going to do MIX on dialysis days and rotation on non-dialysis days for awhile. I hope that I can have several reasonable HD's this year and then start next year with less wips and stash. Cue rampant laughing from the wings.

Another casualty!!!!

Of my computer breaking down is my blog. I decided to mess with the template to get some stuff changed and lost it. With the computer chaos I thought I had saved it but I hadn't so I lost my whole template. Luckily Scully has sorted me out and the only losses are all comments, archives and links to old posts. I did actually figure out how to do both of those but wasn't sure what it would mean for the template so deleted it. Then just as I thought of the answer I had republished this blog.
Oh well I can still read old entries so its no big deal. They start on the 1st Jan so its kind of an unplanned New Year, new start thing.
I must do a write up of my first book finished of 2006 in a couple of days as it was really good and everything the Dan brown hype leads it to be.
As for stitching well I am concentrating on finoshing the beading on MVIII. I have 3 gates and the outside to do which I am reckoning will take between a week and 10 days. This allows for non-stitching days too. So I should have a big HD this year.

A new start

On thursday I went up to The Mall in Bristol and bought a knitting pattern for some funky baby hats. I found a shop on ebay selling the Sirdar snowflake yarn for £1.85 whereas its usually £4.00 something so on Friday I bought a ball each of two colours and yesterday the wool came so I started the first hat.
I am doing a lilac/pink/white combo for the first one which will be for 3-6 month old and then a funky pink one for next winter when the baby is a year old.
I am really enjoying working with the snowflake yarn though mum has bailed me out once but on the whole its going ok.
As for stitching well I am not sticking to any rotation as such but would like to finish MVIII this month-I have beaded upto around Part 5 now but other than that I have no firm plans.

Busy, busy!!

Today I have spent 4 hours or more trying to get this lastest essay done and this is on top of the 2 hours yesterday. Also not forgetting the copious notes made over the weekend on this one makes it one of the most taxing. On the OU message boards past students say this one is by far the worst and my tutor has confirmed this with everyone in the last week.
Yesterday was a weird day as I dialysed in the afternoon as I swapped for someone. As soon as I got there I found out another drug had changed. I was rung on Saturday to say that my BP medication had gone up but yesterday I found out my anaemia one has too. I got a print out of my results and noticed my haemoglobin has been swinging around for a couple of months. This explains why they did an emergency blood test a couple of months ago, but they blamed the lab. Its quite probable with lack of communication they genuinley didn't know why they were taking it but if they did I would rather know. However my haemoglobin is probably low because I am also a little low in iron and the two kind of work together.
As mum was driving me hone she told me my Auntie Jenny had passed away. We knew she was ill as her husband wrote to tell us at Christmas but it seems very quick even so. Its years since I have seen her or my cousins from that side as she is my Uncles first wife so its not a branch of the family we see all that often. Its also a bit of a complicated family story which is too long-winded for here.
Stitching wise I am formulating a rotation plan in my head but have decided to not make it a big deal if I don't keep up with the Chatelaines this year and to just enjoy whatever I am working on.

Cute picture

Remember taffy likes playing with the wool from my knitting? This is him this morning playing with the left over strands from yesterday's finish:

I sometimes forget he is 16 in April as occasionally like this morning he can act very kitten like. However in many ways he is turning into a dog as he is constantly there when meat or cheese might come his way.

Finished my scarf

Tonight I have finished knitting the scarf Scully gave me the kit of for my birthday. For a first attempt I am really pleased but so many times it nearly didn't get done. I think I restarted 3 times and a few days ago half the stitches came off the needles so it was mum to the rescue. In her words she cobbled it together and I sewed up some holes left behind. I think overall there are several such areas but the wool is so forgiving it doesn't show. So without further ado here it is:

Fingers crossed

I am back. I have a brand new spanking processor and have spent most of this afternoon book marking my favourites again and loading some software on. It appears a virus attacked our last one beyond repair but not withstanding it I am getting a new scanner and possibly a photo printer combination. We have lost our old drivers from the scanner and I can't easily find them online so am cutting my losses and going for an up to date one.
I seem to be in a bit of a stitching slump. I started MIX on New Years day and I love it but can't really get any enthusiasm together to stitch anything much. I haven't felt 100% for a week now so I don't think that is helping either, plus I have an assignment to get done and have just felt generally run down and stressed out.
Talking of OU work though I got my pre-christmas assignment back and got 72% again so I am more than happy with that. The next one is due in a week tomorrow and I wasn't sure I got it but today I had an hours phone tutorial and it seems to have gelled somewhat now. I am very impressed with the help you get from the OU as I get practical as well as financial help. Practically because I suffer from tiredness I get extra phone tutorials and checks that I am coping as well as parking places near to any face to face meetings. Plus its alot cheaper than studying for a degree at a local university.
Health wise I am waiting on some news to try and cure low blood pressue. Its always been low but has gone mad and this seems in part because my mobility is better with higher calcium I am moving quicker. This in turn causes blood pressure drops if I stand up to quickly etc. It seems I can't win but also appears to be the motto of anyone with chronic illness.

Poorly PC

Just a quick post to say my computer is sick and after trying to fix it, its looking terminal so we are investigating getting a new one. Hopefully I won't be MIA for very long but if so thats the reason why.

Just a quick post to say....

That was the year that was

Well as we inch towards 2006 I am looking back at this year and out of 10 it gets a 6. Not bad considering some of the awfulness it contained but in summary here is the good, the bad and the ugly:

Good

I found out who some of my most wonderful friends were when they stuck by me through every event and torrid emotion this year.

I had the most wonderful birthday helped especially by some of said friends who did lots of things to make it so special.

My parents as usual this year have been a huge support and comfort even at my ranting times.

I finally started fulfilling one of my life ambitions to start a degree.

I had my hair professionally coloured for the first time.

I had a few significant monetary windfulls.

I finished some beautiful cross stitch pieces especially Taj Mahal by Chatelaine.

Bad

This was the first whole year without Sara around to share stuff with.

I had to walk away from something I cared so deeply about.

It started to look like a big mistake had been made about my health which had a big detrimental effect on me emotionally.

My health has been less than good with alot of minor stuff going on.

I broke my foot which STILL isn't healed nearly 7 months on.

Ugly

The stupid seller on ebay who sold me a digital camera and then nicked off with all the money.

A few nasty fights and name calling on msn which I didn't want to partake in.

A severe betrayal occurred by people I thought would be life long friends.


I think that is mainly it actually and it seems that the good does indeed mainly come out on top.
So here's to 2006 and may it bring you all health, wealth and happiness (which reminds me to add another couple of good points lol).

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I am back

Wow what a busy week. Its mostly been spent getting Christmas sorted and finishing off my study so I can have a good break. Tuesday everything went pear-shaped as I came down with a nasty bug but its passed quickly so normal service is resumed and I am now catching up on that I missed.
I now think its unlikely I will finish my Newton's Law Christmas kit in time and as for the Just Nan I bought well that can wait for next year, but its a Limited Edition so the important thing is I have it. I also think with stitching on Newton and getting into my knitted scarf I probably am more likely to finish MVIII next year too but as all the stitching is done this year thats enough for me.
I spent today with my friend Jane and her husband just eating and drinking and shopping and it was really great. A relaxing day which I have needed for so long.
I have also been trying to catch up on people this week who I have been missing as I haven't gone into msn for so long. My head is in a better place than it was as this last week I also had rather a big reaction to everything that happened this year and felt really down, but its slowly getting better esp now I am making plans of how to tackle it.
Other than that if I don't make it back here until after Christmas have a good one everyone. And BIG apologies to the poor blog display. I did have alot of stuff uploaded to Photo bucket but when coming to arrange them here they either didn't look right or I just didn't have time to sort them out properly, but thats what being a student does for you heeheee.

MVIII Part 12 DONE

Now I only have the beading to do:



I am absolutely over the moon to have finished all the cross stitching before the mystery finishes. I 'hope' to completely finish before the end of the year, but there are alot of beads to sew on so its not definite.
In other news I haven't got alot to report but I do seem to be excessively busy at the moment. Of course its the usual Christmas preparations combined with OU work. My final assignment of the year has now gone in so I can start to wind down a bit now.
We put our tree up today and its looking great this year and also in the decorations box we found my melting snowman candle. Its a cool candle I got from a charity catalogue last year. I got a large and a small one at a discount for buying both, and gave the small as a present. I will try and get a picture, but essentially it is a snowmans head on a melted body and lasts for ages. We put it on the grate today and the cat is being ever so neurotic around it lol.
On Tuesday we went to a local garden centre and I got a little fake tree for my room and some room scenters and candles with Christmas smells, like brown sugar, christmas pudding etc. One lovely oil I got for my burner from Colonial candles was simpley called Noel and well its beautiful-sums up the festive season perfectly.
On a slightly down note I am still keeping quiet as I still feel very stressed and wound up which is always the case at this time of year and doesn't help as I start to look back on the year and whats happened.

New stash

In all my excitement of the lottery win yesterday I forgot to blog that I had got stash. As it was my birthday month in November I got a nice discount from Needlecraft corner. I decided to use it on the Jeanette Douglas chart and accessory pack for Northern lights and some Rainbow Gallery treasure braids. I also had the Limited edition Just Nan on order though there was no further discount on that as it was a special package. Its a really pretty kit and even includes the Whimzi frame and wadding to make it so I am really pleased. Just at the end of the month as my order was being processed I saw that two new charts were out by Calico crossroads. They are doing seasonal ones using overdyed threads and I got December and January and one thread to go with it. As they were not due out until December I knew I wouldn't get the discount but Drema who owns the shop very kindly included it anyway.
Its been a busy couple of days with Christmas preparations and studying. I have an assignment due in on Friday and I am nearly there now. Then its a bit more reading and over Christmas we can look forward to a well deserved break. I am really enjoying this course and starting to cast around for the next one. However its too early to decide yet so will just keep a note of what areas I am enjoying at the moment.
Finally in the UK we woke to hear that there has been a huge explosion at an oil depot in Hemel Hempstead in Hertfordshire which is not far from London. Luckily hardly anyone was seriously injured in this and now we wait to find out the cause. It is logged as an accident at the moment and I hope thats true. Whatever the cause its going to result in chaos for a bit with both transport and possible petrol problems.

Lottery news

OMG I cannot believe it. I got 4 numbers tonight on the Thunderball which is £100. If my foot wasn't still broken I would be dancing wildly round the room. What a great and wonderful boost and a lovely early Christmas present.

Quick update

Life has got so busy in the last week its untrue. I guess its that time of year with trying to get Christmas shopping done on top of OU work I want to get ahead of so I can relax at Christmas. I also want to sit down and finish MVIII but am making solid progress in the evenings so far so we may get a finish this year.
This past week has not been a good one as the fracture clinic told me that 6 months on my foot still isn't healed so there are a couple of possibilities. As I am not in any discomfort-well wasn't until they prodded it they will leave it and see me in another 3 months. There is the chance as it is a slow healing break it could take 6 months to a year-not sure if thats from now or the orginal break but get the impression its the former. The second option is surgery to have a bone graft put in but as I don't work and its not causing too many problems this will be more of a last resort. However the Dr examining me was quizzing me on my medication and as my Calcium is quite low he wanted that up to try and help. As luck would have it my Kidney consultant was at the dialysis unit yesterday so I rang and asked them to pass on a message. Today he has changed some drugs and is liasing with the Orthopaedic consulatant to see what the situation is. This is also because the Dr I saw who I think was a registrar said it looked like I may have osteoporosis in my feet. But I had a bone density scan 10 months ago and that was completely normal so think this maybe a throw away comment as the consultant I saw before didn't say anything and my bones can't be thinning that fast. I do wish Dr's wouldn't make throw away comments as he couldn't point out where on the X-ray it was, sort of just waved his hands around alot.
Tomorrow it is a study day and Christmas shopping in the afternoon. I hope I can manage my shopping a bit better on this new Calcium regime as I have been very achy lately and this could be the answer.

MVIII Part 11 finished plus other news

Just in the nick of time on the day the new part was released I completed Part 11 of MVIII:



I have had such a busy month with OU work, birthday celebrations and various appointments I am pleased to have caught up.
Talking of OU work I got my latest exam back today and it was in my OU inbox late last night but for once I hadn't checked lol. Well it was much better than expected and I got 68% this time. I am really pleased with that mark as I wasn't sure that I had tackled it completely right. In actual fact what I missed out I wouldn't have ever considered putting in anyway so thats also a lesson learned for the future.
On Tuesday I went to see my consultant to talk over the transplant issues and a more positive spin was put on it this time. One slightly annoying issue is the surgeon who refused me 3 years ago on what has now been proven to be false information may now agree to perform the operation. So I haven't made any definite decisions as depending on who I talk to and when I keep changing my mind. I have no timescale in which to decide so theres no urgency but equally I can't procrastinate forever.
Onto other stitching I am more and more in love with Chatelaines Japanese Garden. So far I haven't signed up but might think seriously of doing so in the next few weeks, esp as I still have to sign up for MIX anyway.

Knitting and a new cat toy

This afternoon I had a crack at the knitting kit I got for my birthday and all was going great. I had done around 14 or more rows when a stitch dropped. So me being me I panicked so it went further down. In the end I decided to just work my way back but more kept dropping and/or falling off my needle. So mum had rescued me a few times before then and had a go at another rescue attempt. Unfortunately it was terminal so I am going to start again.
As for the new cat toy well it is the case on row that I couldn't unravel. For a 15 year old he is quite nimble on the old pins.
But having said all that I really enjoyed the knitting and will go a bit more careful next time. I think the problems kicked in when my confidence grew. Oh and the wool is just so pretty.:-)

Stash enhancement

It all started when I saw that the new Limited edition Mirabilia had 25% off at Stitching bits and bobs. I then decided I really would like Victoria Samplers Jingle bell farm so got that with the two accessory packs too.
This is on top of my birthday discount I spent at Needlecraft Corner the other day. That time I got Jeanette Douglas' Northern Lights chart and accesory pack as well as some Rainbow Gallery PTB. The weird thing is I would have spent more for my birthdy but all that I had my eye on was exempt. So made up for it at stitching bits.
Actually there seems to be a theme here-winter and or band samplers. But we all ahve to treat ourselves once in a while eh?
I think it was a cheer me up day as I was supposed to go out tonight but felt too mentally and physically drained and had panic attacks I wouldn't manage it. I almost think its more depressing to try and fail than to not try at all where my health at the moment is concerned. But I also know it is because I am down and don't want to do much or have anything else upset me at the moment. Oh for the days when things were simple-way back when.

Dratted kids

Last night my sleep was disturbed by kids ringing our doorbell at 12:15 AM. I think they saw a light on in the bathroom and as we live in a bungalow when challenged they ran off.
Naturally when the doorbell goes anytime after about 9:00pm you wonder if something awful has happened and at that time its even worse. We have quite a few relatives that live away from the area so they all go through your mind and you pray they are all safe.
The weather has bit hard in some parts of the country today and even places less than an hour away have had snow. We had one flurry at about 7:00am and that was it. Otherwise it was the perfect winter day-sunny and crisp. Where I was last weekend is extremely bad and the roads we drove through have stranded cars on them and the town itself is pretty much impassable. Its amazing really as Cornwall gets less snow than us but its hit them bad this time. As luck would have it Jane is away in Cuba at the moment so has missed it all and hasn't had to battle through it.

Another one down

Today I sent in assignment number 3. I can't believe how quick the course is going and in 3 weeks time the last one of the year is due then we get a couple of weeks off for Christmas.
I am cautiously optimistic that I did ok as I got everything across I wanted to and came in on or under the number of words stated-fingers crossed I really did feel well after dialysis and wasn't reading it through in a total haze. However most of it was written it was just the tweaking I did today so it should be ok.
So tomorrow I am now free so off to visit friends who recently had a baby and then have a relaxing few days until next weeks 'fun'. This is written like this as it is not fun as have to struggle through the contra flow from hell on the M5 during rush hour to see my consultant to discuss the transplant issue with him. Unfortunately the mood I am in he could get an earful and that would be unfair as he came into all this part way through. He has only done his best for me but in all honesty it is an utter mess. My poor head hates having time to think as it just spins out with this subject alone.
But before that I might have a night out in Bristol to look forward to on Saturday and a little bit of stitching inbetween. Those trees are not going to defeat me I swear it lol.

Busy, busy

Well today just flew past. I haven't been feeling 100% for a couple of days now and woke up this morning hardly able to lift my head off the pillow and hurting all over.
Depite that I had an essay I needed to do. Well two actually-one of 300 words and another of 900. I had planned them on Thursday and even partially written the 300 word one so I cracked on. The 300 word one went like a dream-usually it takes ages to get it down to 300 but I am happy with it. The 900 word one? Well 9 hours later its at 903 words and I am relatively happy with it. Why the panic? Its due in on Friday and I can't guarantee how much I can get done tomorrow and Friday after dialysis and I am supposed to be out all day Thursday. As I am not quite right and I have over done things in the last couple of weeks I may not go out now and get my essay done and sent instead.
So since finishing Autumn Garden sampler I have done no stitching apart from a tiny bit yesterday on my MVIII trees. I am in a severe slump with those trees and this will probably be the first month I don't keep up with it. Its a shame really as next month is the last part and then I have the beading to do. So with the delays I definitely think it will be next year before its finished now. It was only a vague hope it would be this year but those trees are proving a bit of a bind lol.

A weekend away, results and a finish

I came back from a weekend away in Cornwall this afternoon and it was a really nice relaxing break. Even though I wanted to help my friend Jane and her husband were the perfect hosts and treated me like a Queen. We went shopping in Exeter yesterday and with its Tudor buildings and Gothic Cathedral it was really atmospheric. I even managed to get a couple of little Christmas presents.
When I got home my results from my first assignment were in. It appears they arrived late Friday evening and I got 72% which is a scrape in at the second pass mark so I was very pleased indeed with that. My next one has to be in on Friday and I am pushed for time on this one so am just hoping for a pass lol.
The finish is the Autumn Garden sampler from Victoria designs:



Its now gone in to the Silkweaver competition-so far 3 are have been submitted, so fingers crossed for that.

A pink and glittery birthday!!

Today I turned the big 30 and it has been fun, fun, fun. Why pink and glittery? That describes my cake:



I knew I was getting one so just asked it to be pink and glittery and this is what mum chose. It is just fantastic!! I came up with the glittery idea after having glitter on a previous cake and as I love pink it was the obvious choice.
To mark the occasion I also got a big balloon which was almost as tall as me:



Even my dialysis unit made me a badge/necklace, fake cake, put ribbon, tinsel and 'glove' balloons over my bed with posters on the machine. They even put a sign on the main front door. For those who know where my photobucket album is all pictures are in there. I am uploading to Webshots but it is playing me up again so that will take awhile.

Well what can I say!!!!

Yesterdays birthday celebration was absolutely fantastic!!

For many months we have been contributing stitched sheep for a quilt for Gina but unbeknown to me one was going round for me too. Mine was based on mainly Teresa Wentzler designs but the most special part was that the lady herself designed and stitched a piece for it. It was one of her designs that she then adapted but its still completely unique and she signed it which blew me away. Here is a picture of the quilt:



It is so gorgeous and I can't even begin to describe how touched I am and what I feel for all the people who got involved. I don't think words are ever enough here but I can't stop looking at it and just love it so much.
Its on my bed at the moment and I am constantly admiring it and stroking it-oh and the ginger one is banned from going anywhere near it.
This week is going to be very busy as fingers crossed I have my flu jab tomorrow afternoon. Tuesday I am also fingers crossed having my haor cut and coloured-this was cancelled due to staff illness on Thursday. Wednesday is my birthday and I am taking cakes into dialysis which is a kind of tradition if you are dialysing on your birthday and if I feel ok we will go out for a really nice family meal that evening. Then Thursday is going to be a study day and Friday I am off to Cornwall for the weekend to see my friend Jane. Any other spare time where I am not sleeping will be study time as I have half a unit to finish and a couple of assignments to get in by the 25th-and not alot of time lol. Which also reminds me that sometime this week I will get my first marked assignment back too-eeeekkkk.

Amusing quiz.

I saw this in Kates blog and had to have a go. You put you name and the word wants into Google and see some of the funny things that come up. So Michelle wants:

To visit 27 places - could apply to me.

Break down barriers in golf - don't think I want to do anything with golf.

Danny to stay with her - I don't know any Danny's.

Her lover to afford her more freedom - hey I got plenty of freedom because I don't have one.

To know more about metallic elements - not today I don't.

To go topless in her next film role - only if its straight to video.

To become a multi culti cusine Queen - hmmm possibly need to be able to cook English food well first.

Tony's input - think I would need to meet him first.

To help her friend Jason create a swanky bachelor pad - well my cousin is called Jason and lives on a narrow boat lol.

To start an advice to the lovelorn column - as if I'd be able to help them.

To pick bigots out of society like weeds in a garden - don't we all.

The squeaky toy the trainer has behind me - Woof.

ROTFL

Taj is home

I have had a really busy day so only just able to take pictures so they aren't quite as good as they could be. But here you go:

So this is the whole picture:



This is a close up of the top right corner so you can see the frame details:



I am really pleased with how its come out and so glad I went with this frame as its a bit of a lottery when it comes to choice. However it seems to set all the colours off very well.

Forgot to say

When I blogged yesterday I forgot one piece of good news. When I got back from laying the flowers I had a letter in the post. Remember I got half my course fees back from the OU? Well I was wrong as that was a grant for books, travel and any other supplementary items. This letter contained a full refund for my course. So all the hassle and problems of applying were worth it and I hadn't taken in you could get above and beyond your course fees.
I was as over the moon as I could be at that point in time as this is a very generous grant, so I could afford to treat myself a small bit now if I wanted.

Emotional few days

I keep trying to post here but Blogger keeps eating them.

Ok well Saturday was the anniversary of Sara passing away so I went and laid flowers on her cremation plot and then went to a local outlet village with mum and dad. It was a singularly bad day as not only was I not in the mood for shopping it was hissing with rain and all the food at the village was horrible. I also didn't feel at all well so we came home and I tried to chill out for the rest of the day.
Yesterday was spent finishing off my latest rotation piece and then studying as Block 2 has just started and I also had some kind of massive reaction, so again didn't feel well.
Today was my visit to the transplant surgeon and I now have alot to think about. My risks of not surviving have decreased by miles but are not out of site-gone from 50% to under 10%. But there is only a 50% chance of getting a fully successful outcome in terms of getting a good working kidney and I may undergo surgery and it may not even be possible to proceed.
Its now over to me to decide what I want to do and if I even want to proceed. There is also the small chance that the hospital won't be allowed to do this as the other surgeons are not too keen and may veto it altogether.

So thats the start of the week and this week I still have my assignment mark to come in-eek, Taj back from the framers, hair cut and coloured and I think thats it. No wait isn't there the small matter of a birthday do this weekend? Yippeee.

What a great day

Its been a really nice day today. As we are in reading week for my course I am able to relax and chill a bit. Today I went and had my eyebrows waxed and shaped professionally. I was booked in for a local place for today but they cancelled due to staff illness on Wednesday. Luckily I got a last minute booking at a place near town after seeing an advert in the paper. I really enjoyed it and felt throughly pampered. I have always done my own up to now and growing them out has been awful-I have really had to resist getting my tweezers to them lol. But after having them done properly I can appraise two things. One my previous efforts were not bad but two this looks much better so at £5 per month I am going to go regularly.
Then this afternoon I went for a wander into town and got some stuff from The Body Shop. I am in their card club so you also get £5 worth of products free in your birthday month. I chose a Papaya lip balm for £4.50, but they still take £5 off the total. It wasn't a good choice though as what should be sat on my dressing table when I got home-yep the one and only twin of it. :-S I could have sworn I had never bought one like that either lol. I also bought some make up and being a sucker for a freebie I bought some stuff I was dithering over to get a free set. This contained a neutral lipstick, a small bottle of White musk perfume which I love, a miniture cocoa butter body wash and a small tub of Vitamin E moisture cream all in a pretty cosmetic bag.
Then it was off to Boots to buy my shampoo and bath stuff-again a disaster as I got home and had a spare bottle of shampoo sat in the drawer-must remember to make a list next time lol.
I tried to stitch tonight but couldn't get into it so made a Mandala for a card and now here I am surfing before bed.

Good stuff/bad stuff

To start off with the good. Friends of mine have emailed me to tell me that their first child has arrived safely in the world on Sunday afternoon. So cue a new start-Just Nans birth sampler. Call me a cranky old crone but didn't want to start in case I jinxed anything lol.
Still on the good side I took Taj in to be framed this afternoon and I am hoping that it turns out as nice as I am imagining it will. I pick it up next week so will post a picture for you all once its home. I hate leaving my precious stitching with others lol so I hope my babys ok.
More good stuff-will it never end lol is that my assignment went in yesterday, so have some spare time to myself to stitch, read and chill.
Bad stuff is that at the moment I am not coping very well. It is a combination of things but I feel under an extreme amount of stress and I know it won't leave for a good week yet, as the anniversary of my friends death is this weekend and my appointment for the surgeon is also looming. Its kind of stirred up alot of stuff I wasn't expecting really so at the moment I am spinning out.

But the good outweighs the bad so thats something and we have now entered my birthday month woooohoooo and at the moment I am finalising my plans and lurching from looking forward to it to dreading it lol.
Thanks for allowing me a whinge. Going back to stitching now as all the new parts of the Chatelaines are out. :-)