The fireside cat

Birthday card

2012-01-26T16:51:00.004Z

I made this for my brother's partners birthday at the beginning of next month. It is a decoupage from Joanna Sheen's House Mouse range which I really love and I have used some co-ordinating papers from my stash.

I am entering this card in:

Joanna Sheen challenge

Molly Blooms Watering can

2011-09-23T18:02:00.006Z

It is that time of the month again where we get out the Molly Blooms and have a go at The Paperlane Challenge. This month I wasn't at all sure whether I would enter as it really was a challenge as we have to create anything but a card and as that is the only papercraft I do I was stumped. But then I thought back to the lovely day I had in April at a local craft shop who had a demonstration by Claire taking place and because I was fascinated with her stamps I went along to have a look. At this point I wasn't particularly stamping as I had not managed to get a good result but by talking to the ladies in who run the shop and Claire I picked up loads of tips and am now enjoying stamping and have quite a few now and getting relatively good results. Anyway on that day Claire had alot of samples with her and one of these was for her model of a watering can using her stamps and I fell in love. Although it was a bit extravagant for someone who wasn't doing much stamping I bought the pack so I could perhaps one day do something similar. I tucked the template away but have used the stamps themselves many times since and realised that with this challenge now was the perfect time to have a go at making the watering can. I ackowledge it isn't perfect but I am pretty pleased at the result considering it is a first attempt and would certainly make another in the future as it was not nearly as difficult as I anticipated:

I am entering this in:

The Paperlane Challenge

Molly Blooms

2011-08-11T18:27:00.005Z

I absolutely love this range of stamps and so I am pleased that The Paperlane are again asking us to use them for their challenge this month. The theme is shades of summer and I started off by choosing my backing paper and colouring the image to match. I am not sure how well it shows up in the picture but the paper has a glittered effect on some of the flowers. I matted the image with co-ordinanting card and then used a matching piece of pink lace ribbon to finish it all off. I hope this has created a simple but effective card that can be used for many occasions as I have not included a sentiment this time:

I am entering this card in:

The Paperlane Challenge

Competition win

2011-08-11T17:54:00.011Z

When

Paula

announced she was doing the race for life in June I was more than happy to sponsor her as it supports the great charity Cancer Research UK. I know several people that have battled various types of cancer and sadly not all of them have won the battle, so the more research that can be done to help more people survive in the future can only be a good thing. Anyway Paula was approached by the owner of

Old Maiden Aunt yarns

to offer a couple of prizes in a raffle to those who sponsored her and I was lucky enough to win a skein of yarn. My first choice of colour had been discontinued so I picked another and went with the colourway of Jasper and the package arrived today:

The yarn is just gorgeous and so soft as well as being a really unusual colour and unlike anything I currently have in my stash. I also thought the little packet of sweets and badge were a lovely touch too especially as this was a competition prize. In fact I was very impressed from start to finish as I didn't expect to be able to choose the colour of yarn and to receive the little extras was a great bonus.

Mums birthday card

2011-08-04T10:17:00.004Z

As it is her birthday today I can show you the card I made for her:

As I mentioned in my previous post it is another Josephine Wall image and I am pleased with the result this time and mum was happy with it which was the main thing.

Talking of my cards I am starting to tip my toe in the water towards trying to sell them by putting a few on ebay. I have had plenty of people looking and even one watcher but I really don't know where to start to seriously look at selling them. I have thought about an etsy or folksy shop and there was an advert in the local paper last week about a new shop selling home made goods who were happy to be approached by local crafters but I don't know what is the best way to go. I don't expect to make alot of money from it as it is primarily a hobby but a bit of pin money would be nice as well as giving me a practical way of making room for further cards I make. I think what makes me the most nervous though is that I have little confidence in my own abilities as I am highly critical of my own cards and dread selling something only for the buyer to come back and say it is rubbish and they want there money back. Family and friends always say they are nice but that isn't real feedback and some of the cards that people show online make mine pale into insignificance. I suppose it is hard to really know what will sell as people's tastes vary so much so even iflike it that won't necessarily be the case for everyone.

Josephine Wall

2011-07-20T18:12:00.004Z

I love Josephine Wall's art but decided that to do another Heaven and Earth designs on top of Martyr's was too much for someone who is trying to reduce the number of projects they have on the go. But when I saw that Joanna Sheen was bringing out a set of decoupage of her art I knew it was a must have for me. This is the first card I have finished out of the set and I am quite pleased with it:

Admittedly it is not perfect as you can see where I have joined up two bits of card, although that isn't as obvious in real life it seems to stick out like a sore thumb on this picture. It is hard to show you all the detail in the artwork as it is difficult to get a really good shot of it but it is absolutely packed with detail, to the point I see new things every time I look at it. I was thinking of using this for mums birthday card but in the end went with a different image from the pack and I am currently putting it all together. The funny thing is I had a firm idea of what I was going to use but after playing with card it has totally changed as the picture just came alive on something different than what was in my mind.

Paperlane challenge

2011-07-04T19:26:00.012Z

It seems quite fitting that the first papercraft challenge I am attempting is a brand new one from the paperlane. The brief is to make anything that isn't square and the main image must use Molly Bloom's stamps. I am getting quite a collection of these stamps now and I struck lucky with this design as I just happened to have some paper that looked like wood to stamp my fence and I also found the perfect background paper in a freebie pad I got with a magazine. So the outside of the card is uses a simple peel off border with adeasive gems for a bit of bling and then a Molly image and sentiment:

A close up of each of the panels:

Finally the centre picture which apart from the mentioned backing paper and a sentiment the girl is holding are all taken from Molly Bloom stamps:

I am entering this card in:

The Paperlane Challenge

Update

2011-07-04T17:43:00.003Z

Well its been a very long time since I last wrote here and so much has happened that it is impossible to know how to summarise it all. What I will say is that although in reality nothing has changed everything feels very different. This is because this time last year I didn't know that I was about to be hit with one of the biggest challenges of my life when I was admitted to hospital with a serious infection. At first it seemed like a straight forward admittance in that it was obvious I had an infection so I thought I would go in and have some antibiotics and come home and carry on where I left off. As you can probably tell that was not the case and over the following weeks and months I underwent numerous scans and tests in a bid to get me well, but at one point it seemed like this was a battle I may not win. I have to say there are times I had imagined myself in such a situation but it wasn't at all like I imagined. For a start I wasn't as scared as I thought I would be, but the one emotion that suprised me was profound sadness at what I would miss, but that also somehow gave me the strength to keep fighting as I wasn't giving in that easily. The main problem I had was that I needed specialist input from a gynaecologist and it just didn't happen as the one who was treating me failed to take any action and left it to the renal team to do what they could. Out of desperation I asked for another opinion and then things really got moving as he got me in for surgery as a matter of urgency and although I had a bumpy recovery I got there in the end. However the experience left me profoundly shaken both physically and mentally as I didn't expect to become so ill and then have to fight to get the right treatment. I was in and out of hospital from July until October and spent a total of just over eight weeks as an inpatient and it is only now I am starting to feel somewhat like my old self again.

But as I said everything feels different because I have spent the year recovering so life around me has moved on but it feels like I have been left behind in some respects. Certain friendships seem to have shifted since this happened and I am not sure where I fit in now but maybe it is a natural progression rather than an effect of the illness. The other thing that is different about this year is that I haven't been studying as it was not possible to even consider it and although I have just one course to do before I get my degree I am not sure I want to do it. However I still want my degree and I think I am just out of practise so need to just grit my teeth and jump in when October comes as it will be worth it in the end. Thanks to getting a first for the big assignment for my last course it bumped me up to a 2.1 for the course as a whole so I now can't get a degree lower than a 2.2and if I do well enough I may just get a 2.1 degree which would be a dream come true so it is worth persevering. The other thing that has changed is that I am not on the transplant list at the moment as I got taken off in early August whilst in hospital and still remain suspended now. I have had scans and tests and am waiting to hear from the surgeon if it is still possible to have a transplant. The main issue is that the infection was right where they would operate to put the kidney in and there is a concern that I could be at risk they will cause another infection. If this were to happen at a time my immune system was suppressed it wouldn't be good and although they have reassured me they could deal with it I would likely lose the kidney if this happened. As I have said before I am at higher risk of it not working so how many risk factors will they accept before they say no. That I can only leave to the surgeon but it is a stressful time waiting for the outcome.

As you can imagine having a long recovery has given me plenty of time for my craft stuff and here another change has been hearalded as I have returned to card making and am loving it. In fact this is one reason why I am restarting my blog as I have discovered all the challenge sites and very soon I wll be putting up some pictures of cards I am entering into various challenges. I am still cross stitching and knitting but haven't been keeping my albums up to date as I just haven't felt like it but progress is being made.

I think thats all for the moment so I will stop there before I bore you all silly with my ramblings.

Knitting finishes

2010-02-18T15:37:00.005Z

I have had a couple of knitting finishes recently and as you will be able to see there is a theme going on in the colours used. My first finish was this small lavender bag:

This was a gift from Scully and I finished it up when I couldn't carry on with my next finish as I had a bad hand for a week or so. As you can see Scully knows me very well as my next finish is a chunky sweater that I made in colours which are also very similar to the lavender bag:

Other than these finished I haven't been up to much except trying to grapple with my OU studies. We have a big assignment due tomorrow which has taken up alot of my time lately and I am just waiting to hear from my tutor on a couple of minor techniqual points and then I can send it off. It will be such a relief to see it go as it has been a real hard slog and only started to come together at the beginning of this week as I had been struggling with one part of the structure. But I am at the point that I feel I have done myself justice and whatever the result is there is no way I could do anything different at this point.
I also haven't been that well this year with a variety of health related niggles including getting severely anaemic due to the kidney problems and still am now. I had a test yesterday so will get the result in the next week or so, but although I am not falling asleep at the drop of a hat, I expect it will still be low. But it is to be expected as the treatment they give is an injection which takes awhile to work. There is the option of a blood transfusion but they don't like to do this unless the blood levels become critical as it can cause problems when it comes to matching a transplant. This is because any new antibodies you receive from the blood means that they could potentially attack a new organ which doesn't have them and it would therefore reject. I already have a very high level of antibodies which is one of the reasons I am a difficult match so unless it is necessary we don't want to introduce anymore.

Back with a finish

2010-01-19T21:52:00.001Z

I finished Winter Wonderland by Little House Needleworks yesterday and here it is:

I am going to put it on the Winter Thread Pal eventually, when I get round to doing that.
I haven't posted in so long even though I did finish a few things as I just didn't have the inclination to blog. But I am ok and going to try to post more this year.

2009-09-27T15:20:00.002Z

I finished this cute Newton's Law yesterday:

I love these designs but the backstitching is not the easiest to follow but the effect you get is well worth it.

There isn't alot of news here at the moment but I am ok and have stabalised health wise from a few months back which has made me feel both physically and mentally better. I did wonder if it was because I was on a break from studying but as it coincided with some changes the medical team made I think it is more likely to be down to that. I hope it down to these changes as I am back to studying again and need to have some energy to take all the new information in.

Pictures

2009-08-15T20:27:00.007Z

I have a few pictures to share today. First up is Santa of the forest by Lavender and Lace:

I finished this morning and I adore it. This is the first piece I have finished that I have tracked all the way through and if you click on the link to its finish in my side bar you can go back through every step if you so wish.

I have also started my first piece of major knitting which is a chunky cardigan for myself:

It is knitted in the recommended wool-Sirdar tweedie chunky but I am using the roasted berry colour. So far so good.

I also got my OU results and I passed and have gained a diploma in literature. One downside is that an awful lot of us dropped by quite a bit in the exam so many were disappointed with their grades. Overall I got the grade band I expected but had hoped that maybe the exam went well enough to get the next one, but sadly not this time.
I am enjoying my time off studying and managing to get out as much as possible. The weekend away was a great success and we are looking at having another long weekend in the not too distant future.

Still here

2009-07-01T21:28:00.002Z

I don't really know where to start on this blog so will just plunge on in. I got through my course with a good mark of 78% for that last assignment and an exam which seemed to go ok. I won't know any final results for a good few weeks so am trying to put all that to the back of my mind. I got very stressed out towards the end because in the last couple of months I have been diagnosed with skin cancer and the hives from the last post turned out to be vasculitis. Luckily they got all the cancer in an operation and it has very little chance of returning, but I need to be monitored and the vasculitis seems like a one off but also needs keeping an eye on.

However yesterday I went to clinic with a very long list of issues with the top one being my blood pressure. I am finding it very stressful and because the staff are getting increasingly twitchy about it that has added to how I have felt. I had a full and frank discussion with my consultant but unfortunately as I suspected there are only one or two things they can do to help keep me feeling ok and nothing more can be done to treat it. What has happened is that long term dialysis and/or uraemia-that is the technical name for the toxins in my system that the dialysis can't remove has destroyed some nerve receptors. Therefore the only things known to work are very heavy duty ITU drugs which work directly on the heart and vessels, which is why I would be there for a transplant. I am disappointed nothing can be done as it is impacting on my life, but my mind has been put at rest up to a point because I was getting concerned something serious would happen, especially when I was feeling really fragile after dialysis. If I get to a point when I am passing out there maybe stuff they can try but it is all experimental and my consultant fairly doesn't want to go that route until such a time I physically cannot cope and my life is seriously impaired.

Anyway onto brighter news. With my blood pressure issues I am worried about going on holiday and being cared for in a unit that doesn't know me. But that doesn't mean weekend's away are out and this weekend all being well we are off to a country hotel in Berkshire. The plan is to go to London and Windsor to do some shopping and site seeing and to have a generally chilled out weekend. I am hoping the weather cools down a bit though as it won't be so easy in the temperatures we are having at the moment, but it is looking like it will be better by then thankfully. We haven't made absolute firm plans of what we will be doing as I never quite know how I will feel, but I am determined come what may to make the most of it. I will also be taking a camera so if I can will put some photos here next week. But it does mean that Mack and Mabel will be taking their first holiday in the cattery, which if they knew I don't think they would be all that happy about. They should be fine though as we have used the place before and had no issues, but I think when we pick them up on Monday we will be given the cold shoulder by them.

Talking of Mack and Mabel they are now nearly two which I cannot believe and are both fine, but we don't see either of them much in this weather. When they do venture in they are both freaked out by the fan going in the lounge so only hang around for food at the moment. They are also calming down and although Mack still has his moments with being destructive it is nothing like it was when it nearly sent us demented. They are both really loving and when there isn't a fan in the room will come over for a fuss quite often. Both like their tummies rubbed but Mabel will actually somersault against your leg to tell you which always makes me laugh.

Hello

2009-05-16T16:03:00.003Z

I thought it was about time I wrote an update here as it has been awhile now. To cut a very long story short I simply haven't felt like blogging, which I think is down to a couple of reasons. I am extremely busy with my course and have absolutely loved it and after a day tutorial at the weekend I am feeling a bit more confident about the exam. I have the final big assignment result to come though which could make or break my grade even before I have opened the exam paper. I have kept up my average from previous courses which is something and learnt alot but there have been difficulties along the way. The major one being my health which has been up and down this year and one of the big problems is with my blood pressure. It has been too low for a long time, but lately it is getting to the point where I am scared of the numbers that are appearing. I have been on medication for it but that is no longer working, so have come off and then partially back on it to see if it can be stabalised a bit. I think I am scared of the worry it may get even lower and the thought of operations-particularly a transplant. I already know it could jeopodise it as it could compromise the blood flow and thus killing the new organ off. I know I would need specialist drugs in theatre and ICU to keep it up higher to try and stop this but despite being told they work well I am less than believing that they will. I do wonder with having so many issues surrounding the liklihood of sucess if it is even fair to accept an offer when someone could take it and have a higher guarantee of a better outcome. But I also feel that if the surgeons are happy to go ahead then they must think there is a reasonable chance this will work and that I also need a break away from the rigors of dialysis.
Therefore all this and more has been going round in my head for some months now and I haven't been able to talk to anyone. I know I have upset and made people feel excluded from my life, but until now it has all seemed too huge for me to process, let alone explain it to others. I want to say sorry to all those who have felt like this and it really wasn't personal, but was the only coping mechanism I had at the time.
I started to write this blog on Saturday and left it for a few days and decided to finish it off today whilst I have some time. I haven't felt like doing much today as yesterday was one of those days where it goes wrong from beginning to end. Before I even left for dialysis Mack had almost strangled himself in the vertical blinds, Mabel was hobbling around and I had come out in a rash. The cats are ok now and the rash is a form of hives I get-don't ask me why as the doctors know its a reaction but we can't pin it down to anything so far. Anyway this time I had assoicated joint pain too so took some painkillers and went to dialysis. I got home mid afternoon having had no dialysis as there was a major fault in the plumbing mechanism so we were told to be prepared to return in the evening or possibly go elsewhere. In the end I was given two options to either go that evening to a unit in Bath which is about an hour away or go into my own this morning but with no guarantees the water would be fixed-so still end up somewhere else. As I had slighlty more fluid on than usual and knowing it is difficult to get off if it went up much more and with no guarantees the unit would be ok today we took the Bath option. It was a beautiful drive over as it is was really pituresque as we go the country way as it is more straightforward for the unit. However it was not so nice coming home as the twisty roads in the dark were awful. Luckily my parents had already agreed to take me if I had to go a long way and I was so appreciative they did as by the time we left I was shattered and tried to sleep but the roads were too bad. By the time we got home at just gone midnight I went straight to bed and mum and dad were not long after.
Sorry this has been a gloomy blog but in better news my stitching rotation is going really well and if you want to see any pictures there is a link in the side bar. I have just finished another whole rotation so there will be some more pictures coming up very soon.

The lazy cats guide to mouse hunting

2009-03-24T16:51:00.003Z

I can't say for sure it was one of our two 'angels' but the following was found under some wood in the garden this morning:

A dead mouse complete with attached trap.

We don't use traps so where the cat responsible found it I have no idea but I so wish that I had a camera to witness the moment this was brought into the garden.

I haven't felt like blogging lately but just had to share that as this really tickled me today.

Birth sampler

2009-01-06T16:45:00.005Z

I finished this yesterday:

I just have the details to add which I am thinking about as although it is a different picture to my first nephews sampler as they are brothers I am wondering if I want the wording similar. However the set up is different so I am trying to work out if I can fit it in as I did the date in full which this isn't charted for. I also left off Benjamin's weight so think I want to do that again but need to work out the placements. This is one thing I didn't consider when I was trying to make the samplers different but not so much that one feels they got more than his brother. Not sure being boys they will even notice or care but am determined not to show favouritism even at this stage-I mean I even panicked as this one for Oliver has sparkly thread for the bubbles in it-what am I like?
I think the colours is fairly true to life as the background uploaded a bit dark so I changed it in the software to look brighter-it was stitched on Antique White but looked grey in the original picture, but you get the idea. ;-)

New Year

2009-01-04T22:20:00.002Z

I hope everyone is having a good New Year so far and that it is a good year for all. Although mine was quiet it was nice as we went out for a meal on New Years Day, something we haven't done before and it was really nice and may well become a new tradition. It was especially nice as Christmas was a bit of a non event-I won't say it was bad because it wasn't but it was quiet and I had quite alot on my mind. One thing was something that has bothering me for over a month now which is problems with the arm they use for dialysis. It has been painful and aching when I have been away from the machine so I felt I ought to report it as any change does need investigating. The week before Christmas I went for a scan on it to check all was ok and there were some problems seen but I left reassured that they were not serious and if needed to be easy to sort out. To cut a long story short I expected to hear nothing until this year but instead I got a phone call on Christmas Eve suggesting after discussions with a surgeon it wasn't as simple as I had been told. I can't remember all that was said now but it boiled down to the fact that there was a fair chance I would lose this site and even a slightly veiled reference to perhaps going in straight away if it wasn't Christmas-although I could have read that wrong but it's the impression I got. I was told to monitor it over the next couple of weeks and then it was strongly suggested I make an appointment to see the surgeon to discuss the options, which seemed to be few. I know I may have overeacted but it really shook me up for a few reasons: Any threat to the site is to be taken seriously as in theory a patient can run out of places to dialyse on, which isn't common but can happen and as you can imagine the repercussions are not good. The surgeon who refused me a transplant did suggest that dialysis may not be an option forever so I started to panic he was right and this was the beginning of a nasty trend, plus since then trusting medical people is a bit of an issue with me. Anyway I thought I had this last one in control until my nurse at dialysis gave me something to read and that was a report of what the surgeon had said. In essence he isn't worried and doesn't want to see me unless the pain is unbearable so I can only imagine that all this other stuff was discussed but never really an option. So I was really quite cross as although some of it matched what I was told most of it was a huge exaggeration, but I was happy to let it go. However apparently the link nurse has emailed the person who made that phone call to say something as they felt it inappropriate to ring me on Christmas Eve and to say what they did.

Anyway I am trying to leave it in the past but it did make Christmas a little less glossy shall we say but the New Year is shaping up a bit better, so far. I have hardly stopped though as an assignment is due in on Tuesday-which has now gone, but there is loads of reading to catch up on. I am deciding what my rotation will consist of this year and should start that once a birth sampler for my second nephew is finished-probably this week. As the exchange rate is so poor I am resisitng buying anything at the moment and I am determined to stitch from my stash as much as possible this year. Finally as you can see from the pictures in the last post they are now showing properly-not sure what it is but if I upload something from my computer which is square it tends to flip it round. Therefore I have to upload it from Photobucked for it to be the right way round-I have no idea why this is so but at least I know how to fix it-I eventually remembered I had the same problem with MVI.

Last finishes of the year

2008-12-30T22:25:00.017Z

I have managed to scrape in two final finishes for the year. Firstly yesterday I finished these socks:

I was introduced to this wool-Regia Moasaic in Istanbul by a friend who when seeing how keen I was on it got me a couple of balls for my birthday. I am really pleased with how this came out and wore them today when I went shopping. My feet really thanked me for it as it is very cold out there at the moment.

Then tonight I belatedly finished this:

In the end I didn't get it finished for Christmas as there was so much backstitching and in honesty I wasn't sure about all the fur tufts around the edge, but now I really like the effect. I also know it's the wrong way around but have absolutely no idea how to fix this as it is fine in the save and then twists itself round. I even tried saving it twisted and then it saved that fine-it seems to be happening with some of my square pictures-anyone know why?

Framing

2008-12-13T15:57:00.002Z

I got my Christmas double flip it's home today:

I am so pleased with how this came out and the framer did a wonderful job at getting the charms pretty much in line, which was one of my main worries.

Change of plan

2008-12-06T16:17:00.002Z

Today has been different to expected as origionally we were going to a Medieval Christmas event a fair way from home, but for several reasons we decided to give it a miss. What it has enabled though is for me to finish my Christmas shopping and do some study today which is much needed, because the next few weeks are getting busier with alot to cram in.
Whilst in town I took the Christmas flip its in to be framed because I decided making a bell pull to an amateur like me would be too much hassle. Also as I am getting virtually no interest on my savings due to the financial conditions I decided to splash out and get it done. It turned out to be cheaper than I imagined it would be but I did go for something simple as it seems to fit the design better. I chose a very simple wood frame which picked up the brown thread and just hope now the charms don't get all twisted round. The framer said he would do his best to keep them straight but if anyone has any tips for sewing them on where they stay put feel free to pass those on.

Christmas double flip its

2008-12-02T17:13:00.001Z

Is finished:

I was thinking of framing this but as it will be expensive for a festive piece I am hunting for some suitable bell pull ends.

Update

2008-10-27T14:12:00.003Z

Just a quick update to say clinic last week went suprisingly well and my consultant was extremely pleased with me. He couldn't tell me why I felt yucky as there was no obvious reason for it, so I think it may have been a phase or a leftover from the cold I had. All seems to be picking up a bit now and my appetite is returning a bit-it is never good as anyone reading this who has fed me will know, but it is better than it was.
I have had a lovely weekend as I attended my nephew Benjamin's second birthday party on Saturday. The party was for his immediate family and it was really nice and chilled out-well as chilled as you can get with two young boys on the go. Then on Sunday my friend was up for the weekend from Cornwall and it was lovely to catch up with her and her family.
All this has made me feel much more positive although I have a way to go yet as there are a few health niggles which are ongoing and although not serious they may need some attention in the future. I also don't particularly like writing down all the particulars of my life and that last post was rare for me but I just needed to get it off my chest. What does amaze me is the array of health blogs out there where people will literally write every detail on them and not really consider what they are putting. I know some are private for them and that is ok-but then is it private if anyone can read it? Some are raising awareness about certain illnesses which although the motive is good I have reservations about putting everything that happens to them down on a blog. I guess it isn't exploitative if they readily agree to it, but I am generally a very private person where my health is concerned and share aspects of it only if it feels right. I suppose I have wondered lately if the way I approach the issue is wrong as I don't want it all out there on the web, which is my choice I know. However it seems almost the norm now to lay it all open, but maybe it is because I belong to a few web forums where it started and it's become a fad and it isn't the norm as such.
But to end this post I am going to talk about the worse thing that happened to me this last week. There was a big sale on at Silkweavers for classic linens and I love their hand dyed stuff but I obviously haven't quite got to grips with their new ordering system as I managed to order four pieces in 18ct Cork Linen which I can't see myself using. I am only glad the big piece I ordered I did manage to get right but if anyone thinks they can use the linen leave me a message and we can talk. They are all fairly neutral colours and are the smallest size they have on the site.

Life

2008-10-18T14:38:00.003Z

I wasn't sure how to title this post so a simple word will have to do for now. I know it takes me a while to catch on but just lately I have started to become a bit confused about the direction my life is taking. I think it is because I am at an age where many of my friends are moving on with their lives by settling down and having children and I am starting to realise how restricted certain areas of my life are. It is weird as I don't feel I have lived enough to settle yet so in that sense I am happy, but I am not sure I am ever going to get the chance to really live whilst I depend on dialysis to keep me alive. And that is the rub-it keeps you alive but it is also a terrible tie in and of itself, not to mention some of the side effects I seem to now have. I am much more nauseous and tired than I have previously been and yet my results are very good so we are not sure why that is the case. But it puts me off my food-which I eat because I have to rather than because its enjoyable otherwise it would lead to more problems for me. Anyway the answer is a transplant and although it is now no longer out of the question and I am on the waiting list, the years not on it have left a lasting legacy. My chances of a match have decreased since the surgeon wrongly said no and I have a remote chance of getting a new kidney and even if I do the worst dialysis complication of low BP I have got gives it a lower chance of success. To stand a chance I would need extra care in ICU and all that goes with it, so the thought of a transplant is at the same time a blessing and a curse. And yet it is the only thing that can help my quality of life so it is a double edged sword and in many ways not to be taken lightly.
In the past I always got on with things but for some reason time seems to be slipping away and I all I can do is carry on and try and get the most out of life as I can. So although the OU keeps me busy and I am loving the new course I am going to actively try and do stuff that might improve my mood and feelings of frustration at what I can't do and embrace those I can. I want to try and think about going on holiday but I have been told it may not be that easy as my BP is scarily low for those who don't know it is normal for me and even if another unit agree to take me it may not be a good idea if they get freaked out by it. I also have clinic this week after my last appointment was cancelled and there is alot to get through as apart from the above I have been picking up infections and need a jolly good sort out I think.
I feel a bit selfish for thinking all this as I know I am so much better than many other patients but I am also alot younger so I think that makes a small difference. We have also lost 8 patients at the unit in as many weeks and 2 of them I had known for awhile and in particular one of them was especially upsetting. But one of the things I am finding hard is not having many contemporaries to speak too as most patients my age have had transplants and it changes the dynamics of the relationship and it is also very suprising how quickly they forget what dialysis is like and can't relate to the situation in the same way. When I think of things like this I wonder if things would have changed in my friendship with Sara if she had lived and got her transplant. But somehow I am not sure it would as we clicked on so many levels and many away from our shared illness, but I could be wrong and living with rose tinted spectacels which is all to easy to do. So I leave you with some lyrics that remind me of her:

"There You'll Be"

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'cause
I was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

[Repeat chorus]

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

[Chorus:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There will always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
And everywhere I am
There you'll be
There you'll be

Mammoth finish

2008-10-03T15:04:00.010Z

After a very long time in the stitching I have finished Chatelaine's MVI:

The only change I made was to the center as although I bought the embellishment pack, the leaf I received didn't look right and I also wasn't keen on the monogrammed center. By looking what others have done I got inspiration and managed to come up with something I liked using beads from the kit and embellishment pack.

Gilded dragonfly

2008-09-14T14:29:00.004Z

This is now finished and I am pretty pleased with how it has turned out. I had thought it was complete yesterday until on sorting out the kit remnants I found the little dragonfly charm used on the fob lol. Although it isn't completely perfect and I suspect it may need some running repairs on occasion it resembles what it is supposed to and works so that is all fine by me:

In other news it has been a bit of a stressful week as I have been trying to sort out acceptance on my OU course. The deadline has been drawing ever nearer and no progress was being made, but I think I am now on the course after phoning up yesterday for advice. I still have a few days if this isn't the case but I really don't like coming in late like this. However it seems I am not at much disadvantage as I am doing the pre-reading and the course books are delayed so I may well end up receiving them the same time as everyone else, but it's the principle I object too.

Gilded Dragonfly progress

2008-09-09T15:20:00.006Z

I have finished Just Nan's limited edition Gilded Dragonfly scissor purse today. I still have the fob to make up and, although I know it is far from perfect I am pretty pleased with how it is turning out. I am not an expert in making things up by any stretch of the imagination and me and sewing machines do not get on so it is all done by hand:

The back below has a change as I ommitted the wool rose from the pattern and instead used the Baroque butterfly bead by Just Nan in the space-something which fits almost perfectly:

Finally the inside:

Once this is finished I have the beading on MVI to finish off and then that will be complete too. At that point it is likely my rotation will have a bit of an overhaul as I want to cut down the number of pieces I am working on at one time. I also have a few committments so will be concentrting on those at least until the end of the year. Nothing has been decided as yet as I am waiting to start my OU course in just under 3 weeks when I can assess how much stitching time I am going to get. I can't believe the holidays are nearly over and not sure where the time has gone.

One of the highlights of my holiday was a mini get together here in Weston, when Scully came to visit and we also met up with a few others whilst she was here and we all had a fantastic time. That was last week which was swiftly followed by a visit from my family who were staying in a caravan slightly down the coast so we got to spend good quality time with them all. We had a lovely meal out and also babysat my nephews for a few hours so their parents could have a break out for lunch and a wander round the local town.

I passed

2008-08-06T15:37:00.004Z

I found out on Monday I passed my OU course but as predicted I did drop a grade but on reflection I am not sure if I would have got the next grade up anyway. This is because all my answers ended up being in the same grade band, but as we are not told the actual grade achieved for each section I am not sure if I did better in the disastrous section or not as well as I thought in the others. For the first time this year we also got feedback on our work which I found singularly unhelpful and quite frankly a bit soul destroying. The comments were difficult to put into any real context as they were a choice of five definitions for certain elements we were required to achieve, but without knowing what actual marks we received they were a bit meaningless. What was interesting on the forums for the course were the number of people complaining about this and when two students comapred the comments they got they were wildly different and yet they received the same mark. One was like mine where the comments seemed to suggest a much lower mark, and the other was told he was predominantly good and even excellent and yet they were only 5% above me and in the same mid grade band. Go figure!!
So now I am not thinking too much about those comments and just being happy that I passed and safe in the knowledge that it's taught me loads for the next course and I had a great year of study too.

Sweet treats finished

2008-07-31T20:26:00.008Z

I finished this today:

I have really enjoyed stitching this as I love these designs and the combination of threads that are used in them. I used all the recommended fabric and threads and am thrilled with the outcome.
In other news I am on my holiday from my course and results are due in next week sometime. I am feeling a bit nervous as the exam didn't go quite as well as I hoped as I got a mental block which threw totally threw me. I think I will probably drop at least one grade now but these things can never be predicted so I hope that maybe, just maybe I could possibly have done enough on the rest of the paper. I am also being hopeful and changed my degree to pure literature, but I did waver for a bit as the section which threw me off in the exam involves the same area of my next course. But in the end I figured that it wasn't that I didn't understand it or hadn't done the work for the exam it was one of those unfortunate things. In the cold light of day I knew what I could have added and have learnt from it so onwards and upwards.
This week has been a bit of a sad one for the town I live in as our pier was gutted by a fire on Monday morning. We saw the smoke on the way to dialysis and at that point we weren't quite sure where it was coming from, but one of my fellow patients who lives nearby told us what was happening when he arrived. It didn't sound that good and then it hit the news and we all sat watching the updates as the situation got worse and worse. Here is a link to a you tube video which shows you all you need to know about this story. I would like to post the video here but for the moment don't know how so if anyone can tell me let me know. It also seems that the link won't work at the moment either but if you search for Weston pier it is the video that titled before and after.
This weekend I am off to Cornwall to visit a very good friend and I am really looking forward to the break away. I am not sure what the weather will be like but it usually doesn't matter when we get together. One of our great memories actually involved this pier as we went there a few years ago just to behave like big kids. I don't think either of us will forget the laughs we had when a group of old folks went on the dodgems and drove hell for leather. One mans flat cap came flying off and he just manouvered his dodgem round and rescued it as he neatly swept passed it with his car. Although we were laughing we were secretly impressed with that move and a bit later when we were by the shooting range he reared up behind us cap firmly on his head to see what was going on which started us off all over again.

Row of cats

2008-06-07T19:51:00.005Z

I finished this a few minutes ago and I am really pleased with how it turned out. I think I will get the matching dog one at some point and then get them framed the same:

Mabel

2008-05-04T14:46:00.004Z

I thought I would post a recent picture of her which shows her very unusual clouring:

So as Mack doesn't feel left out I have included this picture which is genuine of us together:

Beekeepers cottage

2008-04-13T19:27:00.002Z

I finished this Shepherd's Bush design today:

I really love this design but for some reason I kept making lots of mistakes. Some of them were down to me and I either left them or started over, but some came from either the instructions or my interpretation of them being wrong. But I am very pleased with the finish either way and despite the problems it was a very enjoyable stitch.
I think I am going to start the row of cats by Bothy Threads next as my focus piece but that is still subject to change. I am finding this rotation is working very well around my study so I am certainly sticking to it. The function of smaller pieces as a focus allows me some finishing gratification and a good way to get my stash down, but I am trying to plan them carefully. The only obligation I have is my nephews birth sampler which I am going to get soon and hopefully it shouldn't take too long to stitch then I can decide what to stitch from there.

Meaow block flippit

2008-03-06T17:25:00.003Z

I am stitching small focus pieces in between my rotation pieces and finished this one today:

I am thinking of doing the dog version and making them into a biscornu, but thats for later as I think I am going to stitch a Shepherds Bush design next.
In other news I will have to add a birth sampler somewhere soon as I became an Auntie a week ago to a little boy called Oliver. We went to see him last Saturday just before they all went home and he is gorgeous and very like his older brother Benjamin.
Life is still busy but starting to calm down a little now and even the studying will be better now as I have less hospital appointments so won't have to cram it in so much at the moment. I have been chuffed to bits with the last couple of results I have had and if I keep it up including into the exam I will hit the next grade up. However I am not expecting anything as yet as there is still a way to go, but I am enjoying the course and getting alot out of it which is the main thing.

Winter Sampler

2008-02-17T15:54:00.002Z

I finished this on Friday and it was a really fun stitch. The picture on the front does it no justice and I am seriously tempted to get the rest, but for now I need to get my stash down:

Life is very busy at the moment with OU deadlines and health related stuff on the horizon too. But the good news is I was discharged from the psychologist this month which is a massive step for me. When I think what I was like at the start of blogging and how it got worse for awhile, I never imagined feeling like this so I have so many good emotions at making it this far.
I also attended the gtg at Joys and had a fab time and compared with many I was quite restrained in the stash I bought. I got a few pieces of hand dyed linen and a couple of balls of wool but overall it was lovely to see everyone and catch up again.
Finally Mack and Mabel are doing well and growing fast and although they can still be mischievous they have calmed down an awful lot. What is particularly nice about them is they spent their early days around alot of people and are very social and people oriented and come to greet us if we have been out. Here is a picture that was taken just a couple of days ago, it is rare for them to be together like this, because even though they are close they don't often cuddle up like this:

Merry Christmas

2008-01-08T23:10:00.000Z

No I am not going mad and posting this two weeks late, as it is the title of my first finish of the year:

Obviously I should have finished it in time for Christmas last year but with busy schedules and hectic kittens it wasn't happening so as someone told me it is now just really early for this year.

Merry Christmas

2007-12-25T16:55:00.000Z

Merry Christmas to you all. I hope you are all having a lovely and relaxing festive season and making the most of time off, family etc.
Today has been a good day so far and has far exceeded my expectations as although I love the concept of Christmas, restrictions in drink and not really getting a break as I still have to dialyse tomorrow I was starting to feel rather Bah Humbug like. But today I woke up feeling alot more positive and determined to make the most of it and have really enjoyed it. I have had lots of lovely presents and spoken to my family on the phone so know my nephew is having a great Christmas and loved my presents which was great too hear.
I am off now to do some more stitching and watch the evening's television but again Merry Christmas and a happy new year to all my blog readers.

Christmas elf fairy

2007-12-13T17:15:00.000Z

I have finished Mirabilia's Christmas elf fairy and I am really pleased with how she turned out. I started her a good while ago but due to overexcited kittens my stitching time was seriously curtailed but she is done in time for Christmas. Hooray!! She is on a Silkweaver hand dyed linen so I will also be entering her into their competition this year.

Christmas Shopping

2007-12-08T16:12:00.001Z

I have finished it and in a record time too. I am usually a very last minute shopper but with having lots going on it has really focused my mind and I am all done. Now there is the small matter of wrapping and writing cards and I can relax completely knowing all is done.
However there is no real rest for the wicked as the OU have decided we absolutely must have an assignment due with a cut off date straight into the new year. It isn't too bad as I am working on it in parallel to the reading and managing quite well, but you would think they could have given us at least a weeks grace. I decided to miss the tutorial today as some of it was covered last time, the weather is fearsome and I am rather tired and a little stressed at the moment. I don't think any harm will come of it as I seem to be getting on ok and the tutor is very approachable by email if any problems should arise so a quietish day won't hurt for once.
Just to make you smile I took some pictures of Mack and Mabel this week and here is one of the very few of them not only together but actually keeping still.

Bah humbug!!

2007-11-30T16:13:00.000Z

I have to blog this as I am really fed up with how this country is turning into the nanny state. Now dialysis appears to be affected by it and maybe in some ways this isn't a legitimate moan as it isn't actually affecting our treatment. But as dialysis patients we never get any time off which includes Christmas, but the unit does move shifts around so everyone gets two days off together at Christmas and no one ever goes in on Christmas day. All fine but the one thing I like about our unit is that they try and make it as festive as possible and sometimes it can almost be like walking into Santa's grotto-ok a slight exaggeration but they do put lots of decorations up. Thanks to the health and safety police it seems like we are not going to be like that this year and they are fighting to even get a tree let alone anything else. It might be a sign of the times, but I don't know where it is all going to stop and it is like we don't have minds or personal responsibility anymore.

Long time

2007-11-27T16:23:00.000Z

Sorry it's been such a long time between posts on here but life has been extremely busy. So much has happened that I really should have blogged but now it all seems so long ago there seems little point mentioning it now.
Anyway a couple of things of significance I am writing about are partly due with the lack of blogging are that my course is rather more time consuming than I thought it would be and my motivation for things is somewhat lacking. It isn't for the course as such but just well everything, and I am feeling more tired and although physically and mentally I am doing so much better I just want to veg. I don't think the time of year helps for this either as it is dreary and cold out there now, but it has struck me that maybe I feel like this because I am better. I was so physically and mentally wired to getting through the days that now I am not on red alert all the time maybe I am just relaxing a bit.
However it is impossible to relax here lately as after the sad loss of Taffy in August we have given a home to a couple of bundles of fluff and they are keeping us very busy. Here they are when we first got them 6 weeks ago:

They settled in really quickly and although you can only just see them here the following were taken on the same day as they got used to their new surroundings.

This one is called Mack and he claimed the bed very early on as his but he is very close with his sister so does share it with her too.

This photo is of Mack's sister Mabel and she is alot smaller than him but we gather more of an average size as Mack is apparently going to be a big cat. You can't really tell from this picture but she was ever so tiny when she came here and I was so scared anything would hurt her.

However both are much bigger now and have completely made themselves at home. Although they can go out now they are not keen on the concept at the moment. But I am not suprised with this weather as it isn't inviting for anyone especially kittens who are used to the warm and dry. They are pretty well behaved although like any kitten they have their moments too, especially where wallpaper is concerned but on the whole we have a couple of lovely, friendly cats.
There isn't much more news but I hope to be back sooner next time and with any luck a Christmas stitching finish too.

Apple kissed autumn

2007-10-03T22:00:00.000Z

I finished this just a couple of days ago and I have to say I was slightly disappointed with it. It is mainly because the fabric from the kit is a wee bit dark for it and some of the very pastel tones hardly show up. The scan of it has come out really well and doesn't show this at all, but then my mum suggested it was the brightness behind so might look at putting something white behind when finishing it off. I haven't decided how it is to be finished or when so for now here it is:

This was the focus piece in my rotation and I figured that if I want to get my stash down then some new starts were in order. But I also want to get my number of projects down, so as I have lots of smaller ones I decided to put them in as focus pieces. Next up is Mirabilia's Christmas elf fairy, but I am also knitting a pair of pink trainer socks inbetween too.
My new course also officially started last Saturday although I was doing some studying before that so my time is going to be curtailed from now on so I will see how I get on with this new rotation. I am enjoying the course so far and Literature has always been an interest of mine so I am looking forward to really getting into it this year.
However instead of hitting the books I went to the Exeter craft show on Saturday with my mum and we had a really great time. I didn't spend much but there was such an aray of demonstrations and displays it kept us both happy for a fair while. I actually took some great pictures on my phones camera but am currently trying all ways to get it on line but a friend mentioned a dongle might be needed so although the mind boggles I will do a bit of investigating on that front this week. For those who asked we didn't go to the NEC in the end as my mum was taken ill that morning and it wasn't right to leave her, even though dad was here so neither of us went in the end. Without going into details she has had several problems this year and it has been a worrying few weeks but all is now getting sorted.
Finally I am really missing Taffy at the moment. It seems to have built up in the last week and not sure why as I have been relatively ok up until this point. I think maybe it is finally sinking home now as the memories start coming back. am a bit of a blocker when it comes to sad stuff then unfortunately at some point down the line
it is like a cork being released and I have a big reaction to it. I have a feeling that is what is happening now, but as several things are happening at the moment that cork has alot of pressure behind it.

A stitching finish-with a picture

2007-09-13T15:19:00.000Z

After my last update with lack of pictures and Nichola saying she wished to see them here is my latest finish:

This was a class piece by Judy Dixon which I attended with Gina and although a while ago now I remember it was a really great day. I am seriously considering finding a floss box to mount this in as I love this design and it is also the first Hardanger I have done with little easy to sort out mistakes.
Life carries on quite normally here really but although my next OU course doesn't officially start until the end of the month I have made a start today. This is so that I can hopefully keep slightly ahead and also because we don't have even one month from the start date until the first assignment is due-no pressure or sense of easing us in gently then is there? What I did today made sense and I enjoyed it so that is a good start I would think.
All being well me and mum are going to the Knitting and Stitching show at the NEC in Birmingham on Saturday. It is quite some time since I went to a major show but I am trying not too get really excited about it as I know my health could prevent it right up until the last minute. That is one of the major things which gets to me about my illness as although I enjoy life and try and embrace it I can't allow real excitement even about the immediate future just in case it doesn't work out. But then sometimes excitement leads to disappointment so taking as it comes is not always a bad thing but hoping fervantly this is going to be a great weekend.

Time for a general update

2007-08-28T14:58:00.000Z

It's been so long since I last blogged that I am trying to order my thoughts as to what has been going on.
In general I have been enjoying my time off studying and taking the time to chill out and stitch or knit. In fact I have finished a few things but instead of posting pictures to bore you all I will just say you can see the links in the sidebar. But from now on I am going to try and post pictures and blog more often.
We have also been decorating my room which is now looking fabulous. I now have a pink theme with soft pink walls and a fushia on the woodwork. I chose the bedlinen first which I got on sale and that is white with a panel containing fuschia embroidery. The curtains are plain fuschia and have a panel which has fuschia embroidery down the side so it is like an embossed effect. I also got pillows the same as the curtains although it's all from the same range and found a fab cushion-one of those very hairy ones which luckily matched the bedlinen. I then managed to get the lighting at a great price and have a chandelier and a table lamp that moreorless matches. Finally the carpet has gone down which is like a dark cream and although the medittaranean colours of before gave the room lots of light this is even better.
I also passed my OU course at the begining of the month and although I just missed the score I really wanted I was more than happy with what I did get and now it's onwards and upwards to the next one. I should be receiving the materials soon although it doesn't officially start until the end of next month, but I have time to get organised at least. But as it is a literature course I am pre-reading the first lot of books which I am enjoying but hope that some of them will make more sense when I start to study them.
However this summer has been darkened a bit by the very sad news that we have had to put Taffy to sleep. I can't believe it is two weeks already since he left us, but it was the best thing for him. The weekend before he kept disappearing and when we eventually found him on the Monday he went wild at being dragged away from his shelter. We managed to get him to the vets and they kept him in for blood tests and some fluids, but when we rang on the Monday they said his kidney function was off the scale and they could make him feel better for a few days with steroids but it was only a temporary measure so he would not live any longer than that. We decided as he certainly seemed very unhappy and wasn't eating to not put him through that so we decided to let him go. My dad was the one to go and sign the papers and be with him-me and mum are never quite brave enough but we would if we had to, but apparently it was quick and peaceful so I don't think he really suffered much.
Thats it for now folks but I will try and write more often if I can from now on.

Registered

2007-06-25T15:20:00.000Z

Yesterday I registered for my next course and this time I am going to do Approaching Literature. It took awhile to decide but Literature has always been my subject and when browsing the online forums I realised that the structure of the course really appealed to me. I wasn't sure for awhile as the write up on the main website is sketchy, so there is nothing like going to the heart of it and seeing what the students who have done the course think and what information they have left.
However it isn't always a great guide as many people were not totally happy with my last course but I loved it-I knew when I signed up it was on the harder side than others at this level, but it so neatly followed on from the one before that I decided to risk it. They were right about the hard work but I felt that I kept up with the workload and got good enough grades that I am interested to see how the Literature one compares in work.
But the hard work has had one very nice bonus and that was in the shape of my latest bank statement which was extremely healthy. I am not a reckless spender by any means but I got to wondering why it was so healthy and realised that although I have gone out I tended to focus on what I needed to buy rather than buying on a whim. So now I am in the process of treating myself to something nice but can't decide what I want so will maybe save it for a rainy day.
That rainy day may come sooner than expected though as my digital camera is starting to play up a bit-I am hoping it is only the settings that are out, otherwise my money will be spent on a new one. It seems that there are not many pictures which come out crisp and are really blurred which is not like that camera at all, but on the whole I love my Nikon and would consider getting the same make again if it came to it.
Finally my friend is alot better but isn't quite right still but I think it is more after effects and being pregnant that are causing it but for the moment for both our sakes I will keep clear.

Good morning

2007-06-14T09:30:00.000Z

Hello all

It seems strange to be typing this still in my nightwear at this time of the day but the simple fact is I have nowt to do today, because I took my exam tuesday so I am now free.:-)
I have many plans for my time off including stitching, reading, shopping and seeing friends/family. I have neglected most of these I studied this year but I do feel that it has been so worth it and the exam although not exactly going swimmingly in all areas went pretty well overall. I am determined not to read my notes for the less good parts as I can't change anthing now so there is little point.
So today I am going to get myself sorted and then do some stitching and this afternoon me and mum are off to the local gardening center which also sells lots of gifts and craft items too. We are looking for a birthday present for one of my close friends but it is a lovely place to browse anyway so should be a nice afternoon.
I have to admit to being a bit worried about this friend as she is pregnant and not had a good time and I found out she has had a very nasty infection. I knew she had been poorly so I was concerned but when I heard what it was she had conracted it made me even more so. But she does seem to be on the mend now, the baby is ok and kicking like mad so all appears ok. Anyway I will try and get her something nice for her birthday to hopefully pick her up a bit-I was planning on seeing her soon but I won't be able to go any time soon, because this bug could be quite dangerous to me. I need to make sure she is clear of it before I see her, but know she will understand too as it is the kind of friendship where we do anything for each other but if it puts one or other of us at risk we draw the line.
Right thats it for now-better make a start on this day and hopefully I will have some more time to write from now on.

Have a good day all.

Google blogger

2007-06-02T16:29:00.000Z

I finally got round to getting it so I won't appear as anonymous on comments and look like a crazed stalker. Everytime I tried to change in the past it would play up or something went wrong, but today it all worked fine.
I have to say I wrote and published my previous post using it and have to say it all seems much quicker and simpler than the old version. Happy days.

Been too long

2007-06-02T16:14:00.000Z

Well I am still here but taking a few minutes out from the busyness my life is to just say hello and to post a picture of my latest finish. I completed The castle by Teresa Wentzler a couple of weeks ago after many a long year of working on it. You can see how old it is as I bought it in kit form and stitched it on aida. I did however take inspiration from the forum and added some sparkles and some of the idea for which to use were helped by a grab bag I got on ebay. So here it is in all its glory:

A quick update on other news brings a mixture of good and bad. I spent a short while in hospital recently which was for something and nothing but it has had a bit of a knock on for some of my blood results. I got quite upset but luckily my consultant was visiting the unit on the day I wasn't there so he left a message with them about what was going on as they also saw the changes. It is not anything serious and although I am anaemic it isn't affecting how I feel and I am now getting a good course of it with possibly more to happen to boost it all up.
It is a good job I feel ok though as I have my exam soon and I am literally cramming for it as much as I can. I am enjoying the process but it is relentless at the moment and all I can hope is that this work pays off. I did get slightly behind when in hospital but I got an extension on the last assignment and have now caught up. I have now got that result and it was better than I hoped and means I have passed that component of the course.
Finally we have sadly been told our cat Taffy probably is living on borrowed time now. His kidney function is declining and depending on how fast it does it really depends on how long we are looking at. He has been put on a diet for it which could give him double the time-and luckily he seems to not mind it, but the last couple of days his appetite has gone right off again. This could be a bad sign I know but also he does this sometimes especially with the thyroid and his tablet dose has changed so it could be that too.

Embroidery finish

2007-04-04T16:28:00.000Z

Yesterday I finished my first proper embroidery piece. This was taken at a Judy Dixon class with my good friend Gina and I am thrilled at how this one came out:

What I particularly love is all the yummy silk flosses and special threads Judy adds to her designs which make them extra sumptuous. This one is designed to be made into a lid for a jewellery box and I am not sure at the moment if I am going to do that yet-I am frightened of ruining it in the process.
As a quick update I will let you know that after much faffing about at the unit my blood results are back and are ok but things need to be looked into a bit more. My inflammation markers are at an ok level, but so far my haemoglobin hasn't shifted so my consultant wants some more detailed tests done. But and this is the thing that annoyed me was that it was decided yesterday but they hadn't made a note in my folder so the blood didn't get taken. And with bank holidays being when my next shifts fall it won't be done for a week-I am trusting he didn't want it urgently but it really ticked me off.
Also I got a letter yesterday informing me to ring the dental hospital to book in for the wisdom tooth removal and after hours and talking to so many people on the phone I got nowhere. Today mum rings the number whilst I dialysed to get in early and got through straight away and got me booked in for next week. What happened when I rang I have no idea but it was really like the twilight zone for a few hours and it drove me crazy.
Anyway it's nearly easter and we have had a phone call that my brother and family are coming to visit on Saturday-I get easter cuddles with my nephew which is a lovely suprise.

This rotation lark is paying off

2007-04-01T15:35:00.000Z

Well I was always very sceptical I could design and stick to a rotation but for over a year now I have done so and have to say it is starting to reap rewards. This is especially so this year as I have also introduced a focus piece which I stitch on between every rotation piece and I am now very happy to announce that Paisley is finished:

I am really pleased with how this one came out and a good friend has agreed to make it into a cushion for me. This is good as it will match in with our lounge and will be a nice size for the sofa.
In other news my study is going better now after a bit of a blip where I received a really rotten assignment result-well rotten for my great expectations of what I would wish to achieve, but I still passed which is the main thing. However it really knocked my confidence and I was dreading getting the latest assignment back as I could see my results nosediving if I wasn't careful. But after receiving my highest result of the course when I got the assignment back and a good tutorial yesterday I am starting to get back on track. Also for this course they do allow the worst result to be made up to the average result at the end so as long as I don't have anymore blips I will be ok.I have to say that my tutor is very good and put everything into perspective yesterday and although I think at times he marks a little hard on reflection I think that might be better as you know when you reach a higher grade it does reflect the progress being made. Then there is just the not so small matter of the exam to be got through and we are finished with this course. I really cannot believe how quickly this course has gone and I have really enjoyed it, learnt loads and made several new friends-so really glad I picked it. Next year I am looking at doing a specialist course of some kind and at the moment it is a toss up between literature and classical studies.
In other news I am having some tests tomorrow to make sure my mouth infection isn't causing my body problems. One of my nurses told me the mouth has a good blood supply so it would be wise for me to check that the infection isn't sneaking around my body too much. I have to say that I don't feel ill as such despite being on almost permanant antibiotics this year but some of my results indict otherwise. My haemoglobin has been dropping despite the injections to stop it being increased this could be a reason for it. So I need that checked as well as a few other things to determine if I should be doing anything else. The only solution is having the tooth out and the cogs of the NHS move so slow and even though I am chasing it up nothing happens that quickly despite the extra risk factors, such as not being able to have a transplant whilst I have this infection.
Anyway thats it for now and Easter and better weather are fast approaching so have a good one all.

Funky socks

2007-03-22T00:20:00.000Z

There is something about me that many of you won't know and it is that I am a secret sock fancier. I love funky and unusual socks and anew pair can do wonders to cheer me up. I have no idea why as they are just a thing to put on the feet, but they make me feel all cosy and secure.

With this in mind and the fact that there are loads of gorgeous sock wools around I decided to have a go, but me being me I didn't check the tension was correct. The first pair of stripy ones which I got from a secret stitcher although lovely would have proudly fitted the Jolly Green Giant and absolutely swamped my tiny feet. My mum is now the proud owner of them but as I haven't seen her wear them I think the word proud is a contradiction in terms. So after much advice I tried again and finished a pair that fitted me tonight and in it you get the double pleasure of seeing a glimpse of my leg-steady everyone out there as I know it is a new experience as they are firmly covered usually but hope you can all cope.

They are absolutely me don't you think and are so warm and toasty and I am pleased and proud that they fit.

Other than that life is hectic with study and more study and the most ill thought out question in the universe for my latest assignment has had me scratching my head for many a day. I thought the last one was bad which is when I posted last but this one was evil and even the tutor thought so too. I am hoping it will be better than the last as I got my worst ever mark and it really was overly waffly. This time I stuck to hard facts and managed to back them up. I know there are areas I could have improved on but that is the same everytime and this course is a massive learning curve and apart from the last assignment is going ok. However I am relieved it is done and are we ever rocketing through this course at a rate of knots-there are also too many slips of paper with the word exam on coming in the post lately-all rather scary.

One other thing to mention is that I so far haven't switched to Google blogger as every time I try it won't let me, which is why when I am replying to posts I have to show as anonymous and then state who I am.

Finally finished

2007-02-18T19:30:00.000Z

I am what you might call a bit cream crackered tonight as I have spent most of the weekend finishing my latest assignment. I seem to have been making notes for weeks but it seemed relatively straight forward and I even had quite a bit drafted out. But no alas it took hours, but part of the problem was on Thursday I couldn't find any motivation to do it whatsoever, which means alot of the weekend was taken up by it. Also I had that annoying thing that seems to happen with Word when you go back to change something and it eats the words already on the page. Some thought that would be a good thing to add into the programme it seems, but it only adds to the workers stress and shouldn't be allowed.
Therefore not much stitching has been done over the last few days but I am slowly plugging away on my rotation and I can see some benefits for my hard work. I have around three pieces which should hopefully be finished over the next few months and my goal is to finish them by Easter. I also have a few snaller ones which will be added in soon so I am really hopeful that I can get my projects down this year.
However although there hasn't been much stitching recently last weekend was a real stitching treat. I attended a Judy Dixon class in hardanger and drawn thread with Gina and some of her friends and I had a great time. I have been to Judy's classes before but this was the best yet, despite a rather big mistake by me which involved alot of frogging out it was just a great day. Also I stayed with Gina the night before and got a fair amount of stitching in then on my rotation piece Elizabethan embroidery which is another of Judy's class designs:

I am hopeful this will be finished when it next comes up in rotation, but even if it doesn't at least it means I get to enjoy more time with it.

Quality of life

2007-02-02T16:02:00.000Z

This is something I blogged on myspace yesterday but due to problems with picture uploading it's taken a day to reach here:

This subject has been on my mind since I took this lovely picture of Taffy this afternoon:

Although he is much better in himself since the tablets he isn't quite right and I think as a pet owner you have the chance to question their quality of life and whether it is worth it. I think anyone seeing this photo would agree it is more than worth it and even with his daffy ways he is totally loveable and doesn't seem to be suffering at all. I thought last week it was time to say goodbye but he has proved us wrong I am pleased to say and I think we will instinctively know when that time comes. It is not going to be easy but he has had the most wonderful life so far and although I hope he has awhile to go yet it is a great comfort to know he is happy with us.
This inevitably led me to think about how there is no such luxury for us humans and we have no say when our time is up and maybe in a way that is no bad thing. But some of the suffering I have seen does make you wonder if it is fair that we as humans have to go on living in a way you wouldn't allow a much loved pet to endure.
I am not trying to say that I want out-not in the least it has just got me thinking about it all today and wondering what quality of life consists of. My life has it's ups and downs as everyones and the last couple of years I can honestly say have been pretty bad on both a pysical and a psychological level and yes a couple of times I did wonder if it would be easier to simply go to sleep and not wake up as the stress was just too immense and was making me ill.
Now I am coming through slowly to the other side I have had time to reflect on a few things and I realise that I have been given awful odds before and beaten them and I want to again. But if as is quite possible I never get a transplant I will survive and live my life to the full and although I won't always accept my limitations I will never allow myself to fester either. I didn't have particular dreams or ambitions as I wondered for awhile if it is worth it when an emminent doctor tells you how long you have. But isn't that reason to prove them wrong and even if they are right to make the most of that time? So yes I have started going after the things I want for myself now but his words still haunt me and that is what I struggle with simply because he did take my future away from me for awhile and led me onto a path that has been enormously difficult to handle. Not least because there is a chance things could have been very different now.
But they say things happen for a reason and in some ways it has made me a better person. I am sad to say I was much less than I could have been when I was at my worst but possibly when dealing with all that it was inevitable, but that doesn't make me feel better for it though. I am starting to regain some of my old spirit although I think some it has probably gone forever I realise life isn't so bad and many go through worse. Someone on a bulletin board I go on said it was the simple pleasures she revelled in when times were hard so with that in mind I aim to enjoy them too. This afternoon I uploaded some more pictures of myself and some of my stitched pieces and enjoyed generally messing about on here and tonight I will chill out and just enjoy being.
I know many of you don't know the full story behind this but it was something I had to post whilst it was in my mind as although I grapple with it most days, today I had a different perspective.

Quick update on Taffy

2007-01-25T23:10:00.000Z

The vet had his results back today and gave us a ring. He has got an overactive thyroid and in cats in can make them quite poorly, so it explains alot about how he has been. He has to take a tablet every day for a month and then get his bloods done again to see how he is doing.
He has been eating loads better again and has already filled out from how he was. Whether this is down to an injection of a vitamin to boost his appetite up I am not sure as he was slowly improving anyway.
Overall I think it is probably the best outcome of all the scenarios as it was obviously something that needed treatment this time and at least it is easy to sort. I have every reason to hope he will be with us for a fair time yet.

Another finish

2007-01-23T22:05:00.000Z

Firstly I must apologise for not blogging for so long. I attempted one a few days back but it errored and disappeared so I am trying again now. Christmas and New Year were so long ago but it really was a lovely one this time and I had a throughly good time eating and drinking too much. Since then it has been a case of knuckling down with the course and carrying on with normal life. It has been hectic but actually not alot has happened. I did however finish my nephews birth sampler last Friday and here it is before the details were put in. I do have to say the writing on this is a lovely style so I am going to keep the alphabet for future reference:

The only other piece of news is that our cat Taffy is a bit poorly at the moment. He went off his food just before the weekend. As he looked quite a bit thinner and was looking unhappy he went to the vets on Monday. So far the verdict is that he has impaired kidney and liver function and I think this rather suprised the vet. She felt it could be his kidneys as he has had these episodes before but nothing wrong was ever found. She thought it was possible that at these times his toxin levels were a bit high and then his kidneys sort of kicked back in and washed them away and he improved. However she said the fact both levels are not normal can actually be because of a thyroid problem, so his blood is on the way to another lab to be tested. He goes back on Friday for his results and although I think overall it would be a better prognosis if it was his thyroid he is still well enough to have some time left. It is something I have prepared myself for for awhile but it is still a shock and a horrible feeling when you know there is something wrong and all we can do is hope for the best.

Mini Kats is done

2006-12-20T22:15:00.000Z

I have been updating this every so often and here is the finished piece:

I am really pleased with this one and have thoughts of framing it with a simple black frame, but so far I am undecided about whether to use a mount. I guess it will become clearer when I get to it as there are many in line waiting to be properly finished and hung on the wall.
This week has been a bit hectic as there is last minute preparations for Christmas to do but we are all ill. Mum and dad have a bad cold and mine is a nasty virus which left me with joint pains. I did think it might be a reaction to an antibiotic but that's not looking so likely now and I will try that drug if it's needed again under supervision and stop it if any of the symptoms recurr.
The main side effect of us all being ill is we missed our planned visit to take our presents upto my brother and family last weekend. Benjamin is too small to be exposed to anything at the moment so we hope to be as well as possible when we go up. Our next aim is Saturday but it's still up in the air at the moment so fingers crossed we get there.
I had to cancel a drink up with a friend yesterday and hoping that I will be well enough to meet another on Friday. I value this part of christmas and Friday is especially important as for various reasons I have not got to see too much of Jane and her husband this year so really want to get there. They now live further away and are up in Bristol for Christmas and we have a contingency plan if Friday doesn't work out, but they are not here long so the window of opportunity is very narrow.
Inbetween I have also been busy with my course work and due to being so busy I am slightly behind but have a bit of time tommorrow to catch up.
If I don't make it back here before I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year.

Still busy

2006-12-10T15:55:00.000Z

I can't believe how busy life is at the moment and time is just flying. I know it is usually busy in the run up to Christmas, but what with studying, hospital appointments and having fun time is becoming stretched. But that is part of life and it has taken me along time to start relishing it and embracing all it brings.
The studying is going well and I have just completed the latest assignment but unfortunately doing so puts me behind so I need to catch up a bit before Christmas. They have given us a whole week off and what appears to be another disguised as a reading period. But really that will be a catching up week but I do hope not to get too far behind anyway.
The hospital appointments are just routine clinics and seeing the psychologist. But I did have to have an endoscopy again which I had this week. It showed nothing serious and the results were better than the last and the small problems I have will be fine with some tablets I had previously been given, so that was good news.
The having fun part comes down to several things. I attended a stitcfhing class with Gina-Catsize and it was a Christmas themed one with a lovely Buffet lunch, crackers and some gifts. I don't think it is wrong to say we both had a super day at this one, but whether our table mats which the class was based around will be ready this Christmas is a debatable thing lol.
I have also been to several Christmas places such as garden centers and the Bath Christmas markets. I have to finish getting my gifts this week especially for my brother and his family as we are exchanging gifts next weekend. I have most of their stuff but just need to pick up a few more things to finish it off.
Finally on Thursday I had lighter colours put in my hair and it has taken awhile to get used to them as there were far more than I expected. But I am starting to like it now, especially as it has toned down a bit as at first under flourescent lighting it looked scarily like Barry Manilow. Here is a picture taken on the day. Enjoy:

Busy

2006-11-24T15:55:00.000Z

I am so busy at the moment but thought it was time I attempted to blog again. I tried to write up my weekend away earlier in the week and it wouldn't let me add any photos. It still isn't doing that so here is the write up and I will try and put my photos in an album and then post a link to it.
The weekend started after dialysis on Friday as we left on the train up to London. I catch this train a lot to Swindon so we were able to dash around to the correct platform at Bristol with no problems. We got up to London early Friday evening, had a snack and then lounged around as we were all tired, the weather was foul and we were waiting on a phone call from my brother as my nephew was having emergeny blood tests that day, because he is still jaundiced. They have to go back to get the results but they are pretty sure it is down to a lack of calories when he was first born and it should be ok and they are pretty sure nothing serious was going on.
One of the things I must just write before I talk about Saturday is that an Iraqi looking man joined our table at Reading on the train and he had a holdall with Iraq all over it and also a phone which had rather an inordinate amount of wires coming from it. Now I and my mum can be rather paranoid at the best of times but tried to act cool calm and collected as we speeded towards London. However as she later told me she had been busily looking at all his wires and I had been checking out his shoes and do feel mean for doing this. I guess these people have to put up with this and although it isn't fair I and I am sure many others can't help questioning it if something looks rather iffy.
Anyway onto Saturday: After the most fabulous breakfast we headed off to Selfridges in Oxford Street and it was the most overwhelming shop and we could have spent all morning in there. There was a rumour flying around that Fern Britton was in there but as she is doing a charity ride in India it obviously wasn't her, but dad reckoned he also saw her father the actor Tony round there too, so maybe it was lookalikes doing the rounds. We left Selfridges empty handed and checked out the rest of the street but in the end we didn't buy much, but I got a lush leather handbag and mum bought a Christmas present too.
Then after a brief lunch we called in at Harrods to see how the other half live and were pleasently suprised to see they had a gift shop which had reasonably priced items in it and we all got some gifts in there and then went round the rest of the store. The things we saw were an astronomical price and after lifting some crackers with china masks off the shelf-just for a look I nearly keeled over at the price-they were £499. I am just glad I didn't drop or break anything.
After Harrods we went back to the hotel for a rest before heading off for dinner and a look at the Christmas lights. This was the only slightly sour part of the trip as the hotel opposite don't serve dinner at a weekend!!! and the lights were really not that good. The traffic was also abisimal and after a Macdonalds as there was literally nowhere decent to eat unless you wanted to pay an exhorbitant amount we got the tube back and picked up a taxi for the last leg. As we were approaching the hotel a commotion seemed to be going on in the street next door, with police guarding the road and a group outside one of the buildings. The taxi driver told us it was where Michael Jackson was staying and we hadn't long been in the room when screams and alot of noise was heard. On rushing to the window a stream of black cars and vans pulled out with lots of flash photography and screaming people chasing them. They went in the other direction so I didn't get a proper look but I think the taxi driver was probably correct-or at least someone obviously very well known was there. We then vegged in front of the tv and had an early night to prepare for getting up the following day.
After another breakfast which was gorgeous we went to the London eye and for us all this is the highlight of our trip. As I said yesterday the picture taken of me was on the way up and also included all the wheels' mechanism but there were excellent views from all sides. Then it was time to grab a bite to eat and head back to get our train home.
I have to say that although not going to Lanzarote was a huge disappointment it was well worth it to experience this weekend. The London eye was a particular highlight and if we go again we are going to try it at night next time.
I have alot on in the next few weeks leading upto Christmas so this year the festive season will hopefully give me a chance to recharge my batteries. I have an assignment due in the week before Christmas and then we do get some time off from the course. I got my first assignment back today and it wasn't exactly what I wanted but it was a good pass so I am trying not to dwell on it too much.

Haloween finishes

2006-10-31T21:10:00.000Z

I have finished two Just Nan Halloween Whimzi's the past couple of days. The first one is this years limited edition called Horriefied. I love the little frames these come with and it makes finishing it professionally a doddle:

The next is the freebie chart from last year which is called Poor Jack:

I have ordered the frame but something in the order is out of stock so I am still waiting. Oh and before those who know I am on the wagon shout this was all legitimate spending. It was an order from mum for my birthday and I added some finishing items for my stash projects in there-there was a sale on so technically I actually saved money lol.

What a day!!

2006-10-26T21:00:00.000Z

What a wonderful day this has turned out to be. I nipped into town early to buy cards and gifts for the new arrival to our family and then we all made the trip to Birmingham to see them all.
For those who don't know I became an auntie for the first time on Tuesday and I am utterly smitten with my new nephew Benjamin James. After all the problems throughout this pregnancy it is just wonderful that he has made it safe into the world and is completely healthy and content.

Then waiting on the mat when we arrived home was my university certificate which finally means I could use letters after my name if I wished. I think it is a bit pretentious so probably won't do this, but it is nice to get confirmation that despite the adversity of the last year I did achieve something major.

All in all an absolutely fantastic if busy day.

Knitting finish

2006-10-15T15:00:00.000Z

After a big disaster I have finished knitting a hat for my friends daughter. The stripey one I had previously knitted was also for her and the tension seemed ok. However this time it came out so big I could almost have worn it myself. So after dropping down a size in age and needles this is the finished product:

I am really pleased with how this one turned out and the colours work really well together. I haven't so far got any more knitting projects lined up and I am busy trying to get my stash down to a more acceptable level. The problem with this is that most of my stitching consists of big projects so it is going to take awhile. For the moment I am also stitching small stuff inbetween to try and get some stash down.
There is no other real news at the moment. I am just going along as usual doing my course and all my hobbies and am enjoying it all.

A finish

2006-10-08T09:45:00.000Z

This is the piece we did as a class project with Zoe at the recent GTG. It isn't perfect by any means but for a first attempt it isn't bad:

Mini Kats update

2006-10-03T14:20:00.000Z

Another row done and the end is in sight. Which means we are also getting towards the end of another year which is slightly scary as time just goes too fast now. Anyway here they are:

I have also pre-ordered the last two and have to say that I am not at all sure about October's as it is slightly strange. It isn't at all what I would have envisioned but I will do it as I think it fits with the main theme of the piece and will probably fit in overall.
Otherwise life carries on but it's not so good at the moment as the virus is still with me which is making me feel pretty rough. Dialysis is also not as easy as it could be with alot of blood pressure drops and general stuff going on. They can make me feel rough as well, so that and the virus together can mean I feel pretty grotty at times. But I can stitch and knit a little now so am able to do some stuff to keep me out of mischief. It is also a good job I got ahead with my OU stuff so I wouldn't be rushed when I came back from Lanzarote as at least I don't have to worry about that whilst I recover.

Had to share this

2006-09-28T13:40:00.000Z

I got this through the post today and it really cheered me up. It is innovative advertising at it's best:

Seeing as at this moment I should be sat on a plane heading for Lanzarote I am a bit down in the dumps. I also feel pretty rough as it is a bad virus that has stopped me going. Although it has been touch and go for the last couple of weeks with every conceivable problem hitting the family. We have decided this wasn't meant to be at this time and will look at a weekend away later in the year. C'est la vie. :-S

Two finishes

2006-09-15T19:40:00.000Z

I managed to finish Angel of the morning yesterday:

And today I finished knitting my first pair of socks:

These were knitted in Regia Canadian colours Montreal which was a gift in the last exchange from Danni and they are beautiful. They are going to mum as they are slightly big for me, so have worked out what to reduce and where next time I knit a pair of socks.
Things are ok here but it is a bit mad and as yet no firm arrangements have been made regards my uncle's funeral except that it will be in this country. We are not making any firm plans about whether to go away or not either at the moment because a couple of other things are being thrown into the mix too. Taffy is still not well although after being bought some proper gourmet food he is eating better today, but the question of what to do with regards putting him into a cattery remains. Also my expectant nephew could well make a very early appearance, possibly the end of the month and as they are giving steroids to mature the lungs it is definitely quite likly. This of course would also fall around the time of the holiday so it does look like a conspiracy is afoot to stop it lol. All we need now is for me to get a call for a transplant and we will have everything thrown into the mix. Although this is unlikely it would make for a very busy time with everyone needing to spread themselves thinly. I hope it doesn't actually happen until some of this is all sorted as we all have enough on our plates without another thing on top.
I am rather disappointed today as I looked up the trains to Birmingham for the knitting and stitching show and for some reason I can't fathom it means a bus has to be taken for a good portion of it. Reluctantly I have had to pull out from going as it would take a very long time and I think it would be too much for me, plus the connections can't be guaranteed either. It is a shame as it is a new show for them and I was looking forward to seeing what it was like. I have been to the London equivalent before and it is usually very good and although I had decided not to go to that one maybe I will think again but it really depends on how my course and other things are going.
Anyway for those who do go I hope you have a super time and sorry good old British rail has deprived you of my sparkling company this time. But I will make another and for my bank managers sake maybe it isn't a bad thing.

Sad news

2006-09-12T20:10:00.000Z

We have today heard that my uncle has passed away whilst on holiday in Canada. It is a bit of a shock to say the least as although he hasn't been completely well, it never seemed that serious. There has been a bit of difficulty getting news today because they initially didn't have our details to hand, but some very kind friends and family got word to us it was serious and then we chased it up from there. What happens now is a bit of a wait and see game as we don't know what the law is out there and where everyone will return to. They lived in Spain but all family is here including my cousin who has flown out this week. Also because it maybe prolonged sorting it all out we may have to cancel our holiday. Mum doesn't want to do that necessarily but we can go again whereas with this sort of thing if she misses something important she could regret it.
In other news, today has been weird with this going on as me and mum were at my psychologist appointment and returned home to the news. Then whilst waiting to hear how things were in Canada the transplant co-ordinator phoned to say I am being put on the list today which with all this has taken a back seat and I have hardly thought of it.
Taffy is also going around like a pirate at the moment as he has one eye closed due to something or other and is off to the vet tomorrow. He turned very skittish on Saturday and was frightened of everything even us doing everyday things around him and has eaten very little since. So dad made an appointment for the vets in the mean time, but when he came in today he had a mucky eye which appeared to be on his nose too and he can't open it properly. He also appears to have some fluid from his nose too today and although I am hoping it is only a simple infection I am concerned it could possibly be something more.

An up and down time

2006-09-07T21:15:00.000Z

It has been fairly busy here the last couple of weeks and alot of it hasn't been too good. I seem to have crashed down badly in my moods again and although I try to remain positive it isn't always that easy.
Last week I found out a lady I used to dialyse with had passed away. She had a multitude of problems so it wasn't a total suprise. But it brings it home and this is extra sad as she was a single mum with a young son who now hopefully will be looked after how she would want.
Then this week I found I wasn't actually on the transplant list. I hadn't heard from the co-ordinators so decided to get it looked into and they had handed my details to one who was on holiday. She is adamant we must meet before she pushes the magic activation button and is hoping she can visit me at dialysis tomorrow. However it isn't certain this will happen and alot of stuff was said that didn't make sense. In the end I rang my consultant to complain and he rang me back and said he will look into it. Unfortunately given my history and the nature of the situation everyone has to be happy and know where they stand so it is perfectly reasonable to stick with what the co-ordinators want for the moment. It is just so frustrating and seems never ending but I suppose we will get there eventually.
I did however today get my first lot of course materials for the next one and I bought a lap top. I hadn't originally intended to get one today as such. But there have been several good buys in Comet's and whilst in town I asked mum if we could stop off. I am now the proud owner of an Acer Aspire with very good specifications with a whopping reduction well withing my price range. My computer expert of a brother even thinks it is a bargain so it I am more than happy. I have checked it works and set it all up but for the moment it is away until I buy my desk next week. I must admit the course materials look very intresting and I can't wait to get stuck into this one. I will be starting a bit early as the course officially starts as I go on holiday at the end of the month so I don't want to drop behind.
Finally I am booked every weekend this month with various stitchy things and as summer finally comes to an end I can satisfy myself that it has been action packed and I did loads. Then the hard work starts.

An eventful few days

2006-08-24T11:50:00.000Z

What a busy few days it has been and involving a real roller coaster of emotions. Last weekend I enjoyed a GTG with some stitchers from a board I frequent and I can honestly say I haven't laughed so much in a very long time.
Some of us met for a meal the night before where amongst other things we were taught how to brew tea properly. They turned up with the teapot but weirdly also a timer set up ready to go off when the tea was brewed. It wasn't a mega posh place either and I have never known anything like it. Most people peer in the pot and stir but it was an experience that I won't forget in a hurry.
Tuesday I went to see my consultant and agreed to go on the transplant waiting list. I am not as estatic about it as I might have thought as I am still not sure I can actually go ahead if the time came. I am hoping the psychologist will help with this and sometimes I think what the hell I will do it and other days I get panic attacks about it all. My consultant has said because of many factors it probably won't be for a good while-although you can never tell on these things and is happy for me to decide at the time. Whether I accept the organ will depend on several things and it will be the match, my psychological feelings about it among other things. One thing that came to light was that the reason I was refused should never have been a complete bar without further investigations, which is why they have been working so hard to try and sort it all out. I was originally told that my vessels were full of calcium and I would haemorrage as soon as they clamped them to stop the blood flow to graft the kidney on. A scan proved that they were not like that but this surgeon still won't have anything to do with me and it has been noted by a new one that he is usually the one to say yes where others say no. I really don't know what has happened or why, but he will not be considered to do the operation now and my consultant has clearly put it on the computer that he won't do it, not that I refused to have him which is great. Apparently alot of patients can have this calcium build up and I still could have but the scan proved it was not enough to cause a problem. I got rather freaked when I found out I could have it anyway and wondered why we had gone through all this, but this is when my consultant said that they can still do it because they can tell at the time if it is safe to go ahead. If not then they don't do it, but it is unusual that this is the case as there is often some way around it. This floored me somewhat as that definitely means that I should always have been considered for the list and had more tests to make sure not to forget that by shutting the door on me the vessels could have got worse anyway. I am so very cross about all this and just glad this surgeon won't be the one doing it as I would either thump him or run out the door.
The major risk for me now is the success of the thing because it could be difficult to get in and attach as a previous transplant was there so they have scar tissue to contend with. Also being a patient who never does things by halves my blood pressure could stop the kidney working as it would mean reduced blood flow to it and especially so if the kidney works well and I get dehydrated. So my consultant has said I will need to go to ICU after so that I can have some very good drugs that will help my blood pressure stabilise in the first crucial period after the operation. This scares me a bit but apparently it isn't a big deal and if all goes as they hope I would be awake and aware of what was going on just in a place that can give me the drugs easier.
It is early days and at the moment I just feel relief that chapter has closed and all the uncertaintly gone, and am trying not to pressurise myself on deciding what I would do at the time. After all it may never happen but at least now if it does I have all the information at hand to make an informed decision.
Today I am chilling out and stitching and later off to the retail park to look at laptops. I am considering getting one to do my course and as I get a fair bit of financial help it is feasible. I found that last time using the desktop in the hall made it difficult to concentrate at times and me and mum both wanted to use it so one or other of us had to come off it. I am reckoning that a fairly cheap one just for course stuff shouldn't be too hard to find, because I would still do all my leisure surfing on this one, so I don't need to spend loads on this as it is only for one thing. I also need to find a smallish desk for my room as I did all my work on the floor before and that really isn't ideal long term which this committment will be.

Finished White Satin

2006-08-17T17:10:00.000Z

Today I finished the clss piece that me and Gina took at Judy Dixons. I am really pleased with how it has come out as although I have stitched similar before this is my first go at such an intensive piece:

A finish

2006-08-12T13:00:00.000Z

Just as Big Brother is drawing to a close I finish the first piece that I have been stitching whilst watching it. It is by Margaret Sherry and is called Home is...

I stitched it on Silkweavers desert sky lugana and left off the whiskers as they didn't show up.
I also started my first pair of socks with the Regia wool I received in the exchange and so far so good, but I have yet to turn the heal lol.
Rotation wise I am still mulling it over and even though I have started another round I may still change it again, but am so far not sure how, so am carrying on as usualy until I stop procrastinating.
Other than that I have been a bit under the weather with a cold and tummy thing so had to cancel the OU celebrations of last night. I do feel better today which is good as we are off to my brothers tomorrow for the day and I wouldn't want to pass anything on.
Thats it for now, off to grab lunch and to stitch the afternoon away.

Rotation news

2006-08-06T00:05:00.000Z

I have decided to leave my rotation as it is for the moment and to do my obligation pieces as breaks from it. I do have a couple of things to finish before I can start the obligation pieces but none of them have a dead line as such, as long as they get done.
In other news I have just signed up for my next OU course and have printed all the forms so will start filling them in soon. It starts whilst we are away on holiday, but hopefully if I receive the materials in time I can do a bit before we leave. I don't feel as nervous this time around either as the studying is such a positive experience and did so much good that I can't wait to start again. I am also meeting with my old tutor group on Friday for a celebration of finishing and passing this course. At least one of them is going to be on the next one so it will be good to celebrate as well as chat about what we are all doing next.

Lovely stitching gift

2006-08-03T20:20:00.000Z

I took part in a Christmas in July exchange on a bulletin board recently and today my gift arrived. First of all I got this absolutely exquisite box which may or may not have been made by my partner:

Then inside was some sock wool and some ribbon and apparently there is more to follow but it is winging it's way from further afield:

I have also today ordered a full sock kit as so far I hadn't got the needles and it was a good offer. I chose Opa Rainforest wool in flamingo so now will all being well have 2 nice pairs of socks this coming winter.
Other than that I have been sorting my room out as I want to get a proper work space sorted for my future courses and I am getting alot more storage space already, with more to follow when I tackle the other corner.

I passed!!

2006-08-02T16:05:00.000Z

Yes folks I passed the course and got a better grade than I could ever have imagined. I am so pleased and over the moon with it at the moment and think some stash shopping is in order. Also there is no better excuse than the fact that several of the online places I shop at have sales too. Bring it on!!

One final bout of stalking

2006-07-31T14:45:00.000Z

I went into the main message board for my old course at the weekend and stumbled across the news that our results are coming early-this week in fact. On investigating how true this is I found out it is listed on our student homepage so it is supposedly gospel. Eeekkk. I really hadn't thought anything about it as it was too far away to worry about but now it is looming I want to keep stalking the page where it will say. I also wish they hadn't put the word 'by' when giving us a date as now I feel it could be anytime up to then. If we had just been told it will be on this certain date I could just go and check it on the day concerned. Yes I am being cagey I know but I feel like it is tempting fate if I tell anyone which day it is-even may family don't know.
Stitching wise I am getting near to a number of finishes and still can't work out what to do about a new rotation, so for the moment I am having a break and stitching on the Margaret Sherry when Big Brother is on, my mini kats piece and the class piece I took with Gina which I have nearly finished. It would be great to have a number of finises together but the downside is that it will be ages before I have any more significant ones if I don't stagger it. Which brings us back to what to do about a rotation. Hmmm.

The red arrows

2006-07-26T15:35:00.000Z

They have just put on a spectacular display on the seafront and although we live a good couple of miles away our house is perfectly positioned:

The beginning:

The starburst:

And they also did their turns to go back over us this year. It is pot luck whether they do this or not and this year it was a real treat:

This is my favourite picture as two of them came screaming overhead, before being joined by the other two in the above picture:

Nearly there

2006-07-25T11:20:00.000Z

I don't usually post many wips but felt I had to show how close I had got to finishing Angel of the morning this rotation round. I actually only estimated I would get the wing finished and possibly a very tiny part of the halo. So this progress means I will finish it in the next round, which won't take that long as I am changing my rotation to get some obligation stitching done. I have to think how the rotation is going to work but for the moment here is the Angel in all her glory:

Half way through Mini Kats

2006-07-21T20:00:00.000Z

I am now officially at the half way point and can honestly say I am really enjoying this piece. Although they are not necessarily designed to be stitched on one piece of fabric they are blending together well at the moment:

Good news

2006-07-21T16:40:00.000Z

At long last I have some good news to share and today seems to be overflowing with it. I seem to have got my fluid balances under control and my blood pressure is more acceptable, plus I am no longer anaemic. This alone was enough to put a smile on my face but when I got home the postie bought a letter from my consultant. Apparently now they have done all they need to do to satisfy themselves that I can be put on the kidney transplant waiting list. I really can't say how I feel at the moment as it means a very long hard slog is over but it also signals that the surgeon was wrong and I have been living under false pretences the last few years. I am obviously relieved that I am in better shape than I was told and that at long last the wrong has been righted but I do know that the anger will kick in again at some point.
I also saw the psychologist this week which sometimes brings it all back so the two combined will probably affect me at some point. However it is part of the process and at least fingers crossed I can look forward to more peace of mind. I actually think she may have known when I saw her as she said some stuff which in hindsite could mean she did. However it wasn't for her to tell me and whether she did or didn't the session was helpful which is all I can ask for really.
This weekend I intend to stitch and lounge in the garden, but I could also be buying stitching supplies as I happened to mention I would be intrested in a stitch along on a board I use. Even though I don't actually have the chart or anything else to stitch Mirabilia's Stargazer lol I may well be tempted to join in with them when it starts in a few weeks. Which also means as it's not an immediate start I have time to buy the supplies lol.

It's a scorcher!!

2006-07-20T20:55:00.000Z

This week has been one of the hottest that I have ever known. On our way back from a hospital appointment on Tuesday the temperature guage on the car hit 37 C. We usually go to The Mall afterwards but it was so hot we had a quick wander then left to visit Hobbycraft. This was beautifully air conditioned but for once I didn't spend anything. I think with the heat I just felt too worn out.
The heat is also affecting my fluid balance and combined with my low blood pressure it is causing a few issues. I need to drink to keep my blood pressure up but don't want to drink so much that dialysis can't remove it so working out the right amount of fluid to drink at the moment is not so easy. All the other patients are having similar issues but as low blood pressure is unusual in kidney patients they haven't got that worry on top. Don't ask me why it's so low as I have no idea except that it always has been low but just reached new depths a few years ago. I am on a tablet which supposedly pushes it up but at times I wonder whether it works all that well. Maybe I would just be on the floor without it as I once was before being given the tablet.
Because it has been so hot I have done very little stitching but did manage to finish my rotation slot on The Castle and start Angel of the morning today. As it was cooler I got quite a bit done on her today and I am sure that I will finish this rotation round this month, at which point I am going to change it so that I can finish up some stuff. I don't know how I am going to change it but I do want to see what I can finish up this year.
One piece of slight excitement is that when the weather cooled yesterday a terrific wind came from nowhere. It blew over the standard lamp in the lounge which missed my mum by inches and would have got me if I had been sat stitching. Then the doors on my wardrobe were blown open and the ventian blind in the kitchen knocked the plants of the sill. Our poor Basil plant had already been eaten by a couple of caterpillars this week and now this. Today another bigger caterpillar was found chomping on it so I think it's days are numbered-we suspect the caterpillars are in the actual soil, so not sure the other one in the greenhouse will fare any better. It's a shame as I love the smell of basil and hate to think we can't save the plant-how soppy is that??
I also forgot to blog that Taffy went for his check up last week and although he seems as healthy as ever he has lost some weight. I saw him come in the door yesterday from a different angle and his haunches looked more wasted that before. I know he is an old cat but it bought it home to me that he won't be with us for ever. He has been around now over half my life and I love him dearly so I try not to think of the day we will part for good as hopefully it is a fair way off yet. He may have lost weight a few months ago when he didn't eat very well for several days but then I would have expected it to go back on, it could be the heat or an age thing. Lets hope it is something simple and he certainly appears healthy as even in this heat if he gets a fright he can bomb up the garden as normal.
I think that is all for now and Taffy is here for a pet so will be back soon.

The shadow of the wind

2006-07-12T16:35:00.000Z

This was a really good book and I throughly recommend it to all. It is set in Barcelona and spans several decades and is a mixture of historical, romantic, thriller and as one reviewer said gothic horror. All these are true but the gothic horror is stretching it a tad because it isn't really very gory or blood thirsty but I do see why they said that as it involves creepy mansions and other slightly dark topics.
Without giving too much away a young boy is taken into the cemetry for forgotten books and asked to choose just one and that decision changes his life in every conceivable way. We find out so much about the boy and his subsequent development into a man as well as the parallels of life he ends up having with this author.
As well as suspenseful it is also thought provoking as you work out why there is such an intrest in this book he has hold of and the fact that choosing this one book has shaped his entire life. There is also quite a bit of humour within the book and literally nothing is left unanswered even down to a ridiculous promise being fulfilled in the most unlikely way.

What a weekend

2006-07-12T15:45:00.000Z

What a truly fantastic weekend I had at the GTG. It was just brilliant from start to finish and only a couple of things marred it-more on that in a moment. The Friday night staying with Gina was really great fun as we chatted and stitched and fondled Gina's stash and then went to bed fairly early so we could hit the road the next day at a nice early hour. The drive up was incident free and we then met up with Pat at the B&B and duly Amanda and daughter Kathryn arrived and then bringing up the rear was Joy-no offence Joy. ;-) Then we all set off to Kate's and had a fabulous time eating, stitching and presenting Kate with her baby shower basket which she was really overwhelmed with it all. There was also plenty of time to see other's works both in progress and finished and my wish list has expanded again lol. Then in the evening after watching the gorgeous David Tennant in Dr Who we all went to the pub for a lovely meal and a good long gossip session. Unfortunately there were too many of us to have tables together so once everyone had finished eating we ended up in a cosy corner having a really good chin wag. Then the Sunday saw us head off to Wye needlecraft in Bakewell where I was quite restrained. I bought:

Shepherd's Bush's Apple kissed autumn
Drawn Thread's Forget me not
Indigo Rose's My Michelle
A set of bellpulls with dark wooden acorns on the end for MVII

Then we adjourned to the pudding shop for lunch and afterwards it was time to set off home. The journey back was ok apart from the usual roadworks but after Gina dropped me at Swindon station things got intresting. There was a delay on the next train so I sat down to read and was almost too tired to do so and when it came got into the family carriage as I thought it would be good for a snooze. Unfortunately the guy who was diagonally across from me was high on drugs so I did all I could to avoid his eye and was relieved when he got off at Bristol. However as he left the train I saw my suitcase follow him too and ended up hoofing it down the train calling "That guys got my case". As luck would have it his friend who wasn't high stopped at the door and he then gave the case back to him-once he had waved it around a bit. I put it back in the luggage rack and told him he would look really stupid in my clothes-even more so than now and sat down. However I was concerned he might nip back on for it so went down to check it again and then realised that I could have been hurt or stranded at Bristol by tackling him but instinct took over. If I had lost my bag only my digital camera would have been worth anything monetary but I also had some stitching in it too as well as other stuff of sentimental value. Weirdly when I was packing at the B&B I thought I ought not to put my prized stitching in there even though there was room-premonition I wonder?? I had everything in a tote bag on the way up as food for the GTG was in the case but as I had room I thought I would leave room in my tote for the Wye shopping spree lol and put some stitching in the case and although I wouldn't want to lose anything stash wise I kept all my wips that are nearly done exactly where I could see them. :-)
So I got home around 10 that night and this was the second incident to occur which very slightly marred the weekend. I had already received a text to tell me that someone from the group was posting about Sara's death in several places and told me as I asked for gossip and as a warning. Now it always hurts when stuff is being said about her but some of it was so blatantly untrue that I got angry. This person had obviously telling people he had been with her when she was desperately ill which is so not true and was making out that they were best friends and he was absolutely there for her whenever she needed it. I know people's perception of events are different so the last one I could let go but I was NOT happy that he was suggesting he had supported her in hospital, especially when he never actually asked to go. One of the other men did however ask several times to see her as he had a real soft spot for her and I knew when he read it that being the person he is would believe it. So on Monday I caught him on msn and explained it wasn't true in any way shape or form and he got quite upset over it all and I ended up emailing the following day an apology for upsetting him as something I said about the group was also taken the wrong way and, unbeknown to me he had already sent me a text. This one said that he saw the other guys sign on name on msn which also referred to it and had got upset but wasn't going to say anything to make the situation worse as he had also been through alot. That is so far where it ends but it was difficult as it was someone I haven't been in touch with for a long time but didn't want him thinking something that wasn't true. Maybe I should have left well alone on this but maybe I also needed to talk to someone who understands how overt public stuff like that can upset us. I seem to have a nurturing bone inside me that wants everyone to be ok and not upset too and although it is probably not taken as it should be it's a part of me I like. I do like to be able to help other's and I am proud that I do even if my world is not great at the time and a part of me wonders if that was the right thing to do.
Since then I have chilled out as the last few weeks have caught up with me as they have been very busy. But I did manage to finish Shadow of the wind today and will write a review in a minute and I am also getting along with some stitching stuff and slowly getting out of my slump.

Off again!!

2006-07-06T19:50:00.000Z

Another weekend away beckons and this time we are at Kate's house. I am leaving tomorrow and staying with Gina so we can have an early start on Saturday morning. There will be another big crowd at this weeks and today I have been packing and sorting out what I am taking with me. I have got my camera and going to endevour to use it this time lol at both Kate's and the visit to Bakewell on Sunday.
Then next week I have nothing in my diary and for once a clear weekend so I will try and get back into my stitching as seem to have got into a slump. When I was doing my course there was only a small window in the day I could stitch and now I am free to do so I am out of the habit. I guess this is no bad thing as I have a chance to do other things but I also want to get on and finish some stuff before my next course starts.

Back from the weekend

2006-07-03T20:20:00.000Z

This weekend I attended my first Judy Dixon class with Gina and I really, really enjoyed it. So much so we both signed up for another hardanger class later in the year. We are also booked in for an embroidery one in September and I am already looking forward to them. Gina has been to Judy's classes many a time and I have a funny feeling I may have found another designer who's designs I could get attached to. I think the way Judy runs the classes has as much to do with the whole experience as it was just so relaxed and it was just like stitching at home.
After the class I now feel alot more confident about drawn thread and hardanger and I think alot of my problem in the past is my bull in a china shop attitude-I tend to charge at things without taking due care. So now I have a feeling I am more likely to consider some of those designs I had previously ignored because they looked too tricky. I have also been looking at Cottage dreams by Judy for quite some time now and bought the kit off her on Saturday which was the cherry on the cake for me.
On Saturday evening we met Maria for a lovely meal and a good old catch up and I can honestly say I enjoyed every moment of the weekend. Gina was a fantastic host and her family were a delight to share time with and without sounding majorly gushing I can't wait for next time.
As things often come in three's this weekend brings the final stitching weekend for awhile. Kate is holding a GTG at her home and a trip to Bakewell the following day and I am very much looking forward to it.
I haven't got much planned for the week as I am relaxing so that I am ready for the weekend, and it is just too hot to really feel like doing anything very much. I will try and get some stitching done at some point but I think in truth it's more practical to just lounge around and try not too wilt. Hopefully the weather will break soon and it will become a bit cooler.

Baby news

2006-06-29T22:50:00.000Z

My brother and his girlfriend had the 20 week scan today and all is fine. We now know that we will have a new baby boy in the family and I am really chuffed. I didn't mind as long as it was healthy but out of all the babies born I know of lately they have been almost exclusively girls. The radiographer was apparently absolutely definite that she had this correct as she described my nephew to be as having 3 legs. I now have weird mental images of what this poor chap is going to be like but I am sure that is a gross exaggeration lol.
It seems weird to think I will be an auntie this year but I am going to start looking for things to knit and sew soon. I think I may change my rotation after this round as I am building up a collection of obligation pieces that need to be done:

A baby hat for my friends daughters birthday in October.
The same little girls birth sampler.
A birth sampler for my nephew.
Something knitted-maybe another hat or mittens for my nephew.

I did think about getting the new Patons kit for the last one as they do one now which has new born essentials containing hat, mittens and booties. This would also be a slight learning curve for me as there would be a bit more shaping and twiddly bits involved in it. I am still very much a novice so can't go mad but think this could be a good start.
I am also off for the weekend again and this time me and Gina are taking a Judy Dixon class. Gina has been several times but this will be my first experience. This one is in drawn thread and hardanger, which I have done haphazardly so I would like some expert input. Then on Saturday evening we are meeting Maria for dinner so it's going to be a fun packed and busy weekemd.
Finally I am again away next weekend but I will blog about that in the week and then my social life will quieten down a bit and I can gear up for the next ones.

The downsides of Get together's

2006-06-28T21:40:00.000Z

Is that they never last long enough and that my credit card is severley rattled at all the things I now have in my wish list. Not only did we have all the beautiful wips and finishes on show but Karolines house where the GTG took place is crammed full of samplers which are just to my taste. Some I have here in my stash and other's will probably get added at some point but for now I need to keep my wip count down.
It was so nice to see everyone again and have a good old chat and catch up. This is the furthest I have been to a get together but it wasn't as bad travelling as I thought and apart from falling asleep in front of Big brother Sunday night I haven't realy had any extra tiredness from it.
So now we gear up for the next one a week Saturday, again up north but not quite so far and this time Kate is the host. There is also a good needlework shop in the area and we will probably visit that on the Sunday. That time I will try and take pictures as I forgot to take my camera out for this one. I think everyone was the same as so far only one group picture has been posted.

Off we go a wandering

2006-06-23T15:30:00.000Z

Tomorrow I am off to my first overnighter stitchers gtg. I am really looking forward to it and a much needed break. It will mean an extremely early start tomorrow but thats not a bother and I have camera charged so I can share lots of pictures afterwards.
In other news everything is ticking along ok and this week I had my second visit to the psychologist and I have to say she is fantastic and has made me see things on so many other levels and this time I haven't had that awful after effect either. The sessions have also made me evaluate things we haven't discussed and some of my anger and distress over the group are now starting to make sense too. I still know I am a long way from total peace and not sure such a thing is possible when dealing with a chronic illness but I know the brave step of asking for this help was worth it.
I don't seem to have alot of news at the moment to blog about, but I have a busy summer coming up so I will be able to post lots of piccies of happy times. :-)

I am in the clear

2006-06-12T20:20:00.000Z

After a very long tiring day I am much relieved as everything is fine and I have no serious abnormalities. I do have a small cyst but apparently they are very common and shouldn't cause me and problem. I think the one stop clinic is an excellent idea but that waiting after all the tests are done is not so good. This clinic sees everyone and sends them for appropriate tests and once they have gone through they start on calling you back for the results. I have to say most came out with smiles but one has to have further investigations and another was admitted straight away. Given the statistics that's probably about right but statistics mean nothing when you are the one who goes the wrong way. It really does show how precious life is and it can turn both good and bad on an axle and really living for the hear and now is possibly the best attitude.
Anyway onto other stuff. The OU reunion was absolutely superb on Friday night and I don't think I have laughed so much in a very long time. Several pictures were taken and one even showed our tutor with a shiny halo above his head. I don't know whether it was a trick of the light or something on the wall but it was rather amusing. I got back quite late but felt really good considering I also dialysed that day. The following day I went into town and then stitched with the England match on in the background.
It has been so hot this weekend and I managed to relax and chill out in the garden with my book and generally this is something we are not used to in this country. The weather broke early today with a big thunderstorm and lots of rain, but it looks like the good weather will be back in the next day or two.
Finally can you believe that tomorrow spells a year of blogging? It doesn't seem possible really and I haven't kept to my goal of blogging every day but it's fairly regular and I hope at times of interest to read. I have found it very therapeutic when coping with the problems of this year and I hope that my upset's have been countered by the good stuff.

What a great suprise!!

2006-06-08T15:25:00.000Z

Yesterday I received a suprise package in the post. I got Tocatta number 1, the fabric and some Vicki Claytons to stitch it with. I think I know who posted it, but whether it was on behalf of someone else or from them I am not sure. It was on my wishlist and it was a fantastic suprise and I am thrilled to bits with it. Whoever you are many thanks once again and it was a lovely thing to receive.
Today is dads birthday so we have been out for a lovely lunch and generally having a chilled out day, but I think on the whole he is enjoying it. Tomorrow I have my OU reunion which I am looking forward to but I just hope I feel ok after dialysing. Lately I have been very tired and Friday's are worse so I have my fingers crossed that it will be ok. It is taking place at one of the students house in Bath so I will be going up by train, but getting a lift to and from the station. It is also an evening thing and I don't think it will be a mega late night.
One piece of bad news is that I found a tiny lump in my breast a couple of weeks ago and my GP has referred me to the specialist clinic. He is almost positive it is nothing but they have a protocol that if they can feel it you must go to this clinic. It is a one-stop place and you get the results on the day and I go straight after dialysis on Monday. I only got referred on Tuesday so that isn't bad going. At present I don't feel too concerned but of course there is that inevitable niggle in the back of my mind, but my GP was so reassuring that has helped alot with how I feel. I so don't need this extra concern at the moment but at least it isn't going to be a drawn out business.

It's been awhile

2006-06-01T15:25:00.000Z

I have not blogged for awhile as I have had alot on since finishing my course and much of it has given me food for thought. As I said in a previous post I requested to see a psychologist as my head was all over the place with the transplant saga. I really did not want to go when it came to it but decided I couldn't carry on the way I was so I took a deep breath and off I went. I was expecting it to initially make me feel worse as stuff got dredged up but I was not prepared for the onslaught of emotion it has bought about. One thing it did do was clarify some of my thoughts about things I needed to find out to help make a decision and what the core issues were. So having worked out the former I went in to see my consultant the following week for my routine appointment and I asked him the questions that had been niggling-some of them unconciously. What transpired was that what I had feared that I had been living a lie for four years was mostly correct. I could have gone on the transplant list then and would never have had to live with what has come to be seen as my core issue. It took quite awhile to come to terms with not being able to ever have a transplant unless some miracle occurred but the most difficult thing to get my head round was the way the surgeon delivering the news went about it. He gave me lots of time scales as to when a transplant would be an emergency and then they would consider it but I would have to be aware that it was 50/50 it would kill me. As I had gone to the appointment with the idea that I was going to be listed for a transplant but wanted all the risks outlined this was the last thing I was expecting. Further more he ranted about how he would have to live with it if the worst happened as well as my family and friends if they did a transplant then when dialysis was working well for me. It has to have been one of the most traumatic moments of my life and for some reason it was an appointment I went into entirely alone as I had a strong feeling I should do so-don't ask me why as I always have someone there but I digress. So this is the core of my distress that I came to terms and coped with something so traumatic and now the anger and upset has kicked in knowing this should never have happened and where we are now we should have been then. I can't even think about the lost time and what my life could be like now as that is pointless but it makes it all the more clear that doctors have to be so careful in the way they say stuff. I actually think if I hadn't had some of these other things said to me at that time then I wouldn't feel like I do now to such an extent.
During the session we also touched on the loss of Sara and the psychologist said that is two massive things to have happened and she doesn't know about all the other awful things too. It is a good job that there doesn't seem to be a maximum number of sessions as there are in some places as there is alot of material to cover. Although I don't think I can completely tell her everything that happened especially where the kidney group is concerned but that is slowly resolving itself anyway.
The group is so far removed from what Sara envisioned now with so much back biting and poison going on I am glad to be away. It no longer feels like what we all started and certainly the idea of patients being supported is at best laughable. The only thing that has the capacity to upset me now is the veiled references by the members left of how important she was and how hard it has been for them all. I totally agree with that and of course I am feeling it too but I don't need to publicly write it on message boards and more over IF they felt bad why can they not see that I did too and treated me better. But to be honest I get the sense it is used when it suits others to do so and to make a point which is too complicated to go into here. I am no longer in touch with any of them and although I thought there was at least one who would stick by me it turns out that this is not to be. I hope we can still be friends but they are now being very distant and I feel completley abandoned. But then maybe starting again is no bad thing when it comes to it.
Anyway onto the good stuff. I am stitching quite a bit and really enjoying having a bit more time to do so. I started my big brother marathon and after two weeks I am making good progress on my Margaret Sherry design. I also finished part 3 of MIX and I am a few hours away from finishing this entire rotation round. Angel of the morning by L&L is the final piece and she is nearly there. I am certain she will be finished this year and hopefully in the next few rounds and I am just in love with the piece. I also only have May on my Mini Kats to do before I order the next two and that means excellent progress has been made there too.
I am also deciding which OU course to do next and keep wavering at the moment. I thought I had made a definite decision yesterday but on thinking carefully about it I saw some flaws in the plan so I am re thinking again lol. We are having a tutor group reunion in Bath next Friday so maybe talking it over then with the students and our tutor may help. This evening is going to be an informal celebration of the course finishing and as I have to work out the logisitics of travel I came clean and said I am not being awkward but have medical issues. They were all fantastic about it which put in stark relief that there are good people in the world who are prepared to help and understand. It is what I expected of people in the same situation so when it didn't happen that was a shock and made me wary of coming clean, but it goes to show that if people are basically decent then it is not an issue.
There is also something else I have been keeping to myself for a long while now and that is that I am going to become an aunt in November. We knew right at the beginning as my brothers girlfriend had quite a few problems so he rang my mum for advice. But she is coming up for the last scan so all is going ok now. It is exciting but hasn't been without some problems here as mum adjusted to the idea, but as she has got her knitting out I am sure it is fair to say she is pleased. :-) Whether they decide to know the sex they don't know yet but as mum is knitting in white it will be fine.
Finally we booked a holiday in Lanzarote for the end of September. The place looks really nice and the dialysis unit has good machines and is staffed by many English nurses and has apartments attached. These apartments are next door but separated by a garden so we won't be right on top of the unit, has a pool and each one has a terrace or balcony. I have dialysed away from home before but never abroad so it should be an exciting experience. In fact I have never been abroad or on a plane before so it will all be very new and I am looking forward to a good break. If anyone has been and knows of some good things to see and do that may not be in the guide books please let me know.

A small finish

2006-05-20T16:20:00.000Z

This was a SAL with Scully and Deb and was great fun to do. I never knew how easy the Whimzi frames were to use:

I am feeling a bit lost now my course has come to an end and after being on a high on Thursday as I posted the last paper, had a hair cut and bumped into an old friend I crashed yesterday. I didn't have a good dialysis but it was one of those days in general. I feel ok today and have pottered round town, put the picture together and done some stitching.
I think there is only Dr Who I want to watch on tv tonight as it is the Eurovision song contest which I don't really enjoy. Oh yes there is also Big brother and I started my Margaret Sherry cat design and am only stitching it when settled in for this progrma. There maybe some time before or after of stitching but so far it's going well.

I bit the bullet

2006-05-16T22:40:00.000Z

And now my course is officially over. I am still hanging around the forum to cheer the rest on and out tutor group may well meet up again for an end of course meal. The unseen assignment went ok but not as well as I hoped. We knew it was going to be 4 questions on either Art History, Literature, Music or Philosophy. The first 3 are my strongest so I studied those as I hate philosophy and although I get it my grasp isn't as good on it. We only had to answer 2 subjects so as the first two were my strongest I revised music as a back up. The Art History question was ok and the picture easy to define and talk about but the next two were and I either panicked or couldn't get my head round it. So I went for philosophy with no revision as something in me told me it was ok and the only one I could reasonably do. So that part at the end was a bit waffly etc but I am hopeful I have done enough and we do only need 30% to pass the course.
So I am keeping everything crossed I have done enough to pass this course but have a tense few months to wait until I find out. However I really enjoyed almost all of it-even the parts where it stressed me out something chronic. I am pleased and proud of myself as I rose to the challenge in a year that was full of stress and upset and still kept going. I think it was a sort of saviour for me for much of the time but I wonder how I am going to be now it's over. But alot of the problems are reaching a sort of resolution now and my renal clinic referred me to a psychologist in the unit just to talk over some of my feelings. I requested the service on the back of the transplant situation and that I was just generally making myself ill with going round and round everything that was going on. Although I am in a better place than I was when I asked for it I am going ahead with it as I still have a fair amount of anger to work through and try and deal with. My first session is next week and then the following week I am back to see my consultant to talk everything through. He was actually at the unit for his monthly visit last week when I was and I received a letter in the post a couple of days later telling me my injection was increasing. I take EPO which is the banned drugs runners use but it is fine for us and for some reason my haemoglobin is not going up too well at the moment. It is most likely that I have had alot of niggly viruses which can knock it down, coupled with the fact that my iron stores went very low which also plunges the haemoglobin. So although my iron is fine now the viruses have probably stopped it coming up properly. This letter came from the people who deliver the drug so I was annoyed no one had told me, but I remember the consultant had been lurking by the scales when I was. I didn't say anything as assumed he would say something if he needed too. I was busy talking to the male nurse as we thought my weight was a bit odd but still in the end the message got through which was the main thing.
So now I am free to stitch alot more so I am likely to tweak my rotation a bit and have decided to go ahead with the big brother idea and will start another small kit on thursday as the new series starts. I have pretty much decided to start a Margaret Sherry one of a cat in an armchair which is gorgeous and I have been itching to start for ages-any excuse eh?

Just one hurdle to go

2006-05-16T10:40:00.000Z

I checked online this morning and my assingment was there. Not suprisingly it is the worst mark yet at 62% but we only needed 30% to give us a fighting chance of passing the course so now it is the final hurdle. I have been checking online at what else I now need to pass and as long as I get 3o% in this last timed assignment I am home and dry. What pass level I get depends on how well I do but if I pass it will be level 3 or 2. But at the moment I have that last hurdle to jump which will be this week and as I feel well today I may bite the bullet and do it-got a phobia about being ill at the end and it going pear shaped.
Then later today I am going to start a piece called March hare by Just Nan which I am doing as a SAL with Scully and Deb is also going to join us. I love this piece and I am looking forward to a small easy non demanding piece of stitching.
Talking of Scully I feel sorry I missed chatting online to over the weekend and missed wishing her happy hols. So hope you have a good one and enjoy your rest and relaxation and talk to you soon.
Have a good day all.

Was one of those weeks

2006-05-13T17:25:00.000Z

So much has happened this week and yet none of it I particularly want to blog about as it isn't so easy to do that. But one of the things was finally sorting out the stitching gtg's I am attending this summer and thanks to some great people I am lucky enough to be able to go to the ones up north this year. They are something I am very much looking forward to as I get to see all my online friends again and escape from here for a night or two. It is ok here but sometimes a break to recharge the batterires is no bad thing.
I am on email watch again for the last assignment to be returned and soon I have to sit down and do the timed assignment. I have penciled in next Saturday morning for it and then that's it the course is done and I will probably feel a bit lost for awhile. It is already winding down and I find myself at a loose end even now, but I am sure once I pick up my needle I again I will get lots of stitching done.
Talking of which I am having a crazy idea to do a big brother stitching marathon, in that I have got obsessed with it so why not combine the two. My idea is to pick a project and to stitch that whilst watching big brother and if I finish it I start another. I thought it maybe a good way of getting my stash pile of little kits down and reckon in the 3 month run I could get quite a few done. The series starts on Thursday and this week I am doing a SAL with Scully on Just Nans March hare so might make that my first big brother project. Watch this space folks??
Other than that it's been crazy this week and is starting to settle a bit now and I am off to chill for a bit before tea. Then it is the usual dance fever programme and swooning at David Tennant for the rest of the evening. I wonder if he will wear those glasses again lol lol.

What a glorious day

2006-05-04T16:30:00.000Z

The weather is absolutely beautiful here today!! Its just such a shame I have been stuck inside and not able to enjoy it. However I have finished and sent my assignment-took wayyyy longer than I expected but it's done and I am having Saturday off to celebrate. I also managed to clean and tidy my room so I can have an evening and a few days of guilt free stitching.
I was quite down last night as had a succession of phone calls bringing not such good news and I expect another one in the next day or two to tell me how last weekends meeting went. I actually don't feel a great need to know so I finally feel I am healing-taken long enough lol.
So for now I am going to chill and catch up with what you have all been up to, then go and stitch for a bit.

First Mini Kats picture

2006-05-01T17:10:00.000Z

I have finished the first row of the Mini Kats wall hanging and these are the first three months of the year. I have made very few changes except on March's cat where the stems of the flower were white and in front of the cat. I thought it looked really odd so decided to go for the cat squashed at the front of the flowers look instead:

My weekend turned out to just be all about the assignment but looking on the forums everyone is having the same bother. Its a good job that we email our assignments as it gives me a few extra days, but I will have to remember that I won't get that luxury next time lol. Anyway I am now getting there and will have a good go at it tomorrow and hope that by Thursday it will just be a case of tidying it up and sending it off.
I hope to have an update piccie of MIX soon but it won't be an up to date one-I am about 2 and a bit months behind but its awhile since I put a picture up so will add another one soon. I am planning on doing a couple of hours on it tonight and it should be ready for the picture by the end of the week.

A quick thank you

2006-04-25T23:25:00.000Z

To all those that commented on my last post. Your love and support mean an awful lot to me and it does help me to stay strong.
I have had a breakthrough in my studying today and also in the last 24 hours have had even more proof-as if it was needed that to leave the group was the best thing possible. I am not even upset that they are having a meeting soon and in actual fact I am relieved that I am not going as it is brewing up and every little update suggests more and more tension in the ranks.
This week is going to be a busy one with sorting out this assignment and hopefully getting some stitching done inbetween and I am aiming to get some new pictures up by the end of the month. Watch this space folks. :-)

I got THE brown envelope!!

2006-04-23T17:15:00.000Z

Which contains my last and final Tma which has to be done under exam conditions. There is a desclaimer in it to say it wasn't opened before hand and was completed in a room on your own and in two hours. Its all becoming very near and final that we are at the end of this course. I still have the final Tma to go into my tutor at the beginning of May and then it's a couple of weeks of looking back at the course this last times Tma and thats it folks as they say.
Just after the course officially finishes I am back in clinic again and may well have reached a decision by then. Some things are becoming pretty clear anyway in that the original surgeon who refused me is not someone I trust enough with this complex operation. The juries still out as to whether he will agree or not and although I don't doubt his actual surgical skills most of my trust in him has gone which considering the circumstances would make the whole thing far more stressful. So I intend to tell my consultant that if I go ahead I want it noted that I won't accept him-unless he can explain his actions in a justifiable way which I don't think he will.
This whole thing has thrown up quite a few feelings this weekend and made me realise that with what he told me at the time I have been living a kind of half life. It was only a few months after this that I met Sara and helped set up the group which gave me meaning and purpose back into my life as well as someone to share the ups and downs with. So it kind of feels now we have come full circle except it's not we its just me and I hate that as she should be here now and have had her transplant and be doing great. Her death took some of the gloss off my world and as it was not exactly brilliant white at the time anyway and since then for a time it got very dark indeed. I feel I have come through everything that has happened since quite well all things considered and although it's taken me longer to heal than I thought it would I can feel the process is taking place. Sure I will always miss her ringing me up just to laugh, cry or moan about the lazy boys and I miss not being able to just pick the phone up to do the same and thats never going to change. But alot of the guilt over me leaving and not making it work for her sake has gone and some memories of the happy times have returned. I will always miss my buddy and in some ways the group as it was a life saver at a time I needed it, but ultimately it could have ended up destroying me and thats the part I will always feel sad about.
However I am still here and it hasn't destroyed me and I have started a new chapter in my life, which brings us back to the OU. I am definitely signing up for a further course and have almost decided which one it will be. I keep flitting between two but I am slightly more drawn to one called 'Exploring the Classical world'. I really loved all the bits of this course which focused on this era. We only touched on the Roman gladiators and Colleseum and one Classical play-Medea so I would love to learn much more. I really want to find out how they lived and worked and everything really so its pretty sure it will be that one I go for. It only has one start date a year which will be February next year so a nice long break filled with stitching, gaming and reading is probably just what the Doctor ordered.
So whats happening stitching wise? Well I am still sticking to the rotation and so far its still working well but as not all pieces are possible on a dialysis days I am stitching my Mini Kats wallhanging and simple parts on MIX on those days. I have nearly finished February of Mini Kats-January is done around a week ago and MIX I have finished part 2 and about half of 3. I have said before keeping up is not a priority and it isn't but the Medieval town one is getting more and more wonderful and I may have to squeeze it in. I have got to errr part 1 lol which is finished but obviously I have alot of catching up to do on that one. I may also get my knitting needles out again as I still have a baby hat to do for my friends and would like to knit more for them in the future.

Got myself that treat

2006-04-20T16:04:00.000Z

After my great exam result I treated myself to A-ha's greatest hits album and as it was in the sale for half price the Rayman game for my DS.
We were up the mall today after my surgical appointment and had a little wander and as I decided to see if they had the album I checked out the rest of the stock too. I also wanted to get some slim bootleg jeans but so far haven't foudn any that are quite right so thats for next time.
So what about the appointment? Well we managed to get parked easily and prepared ourselves for a long wait as these surgical clinics are usually heaving, but on arrival there were only a few others there. We didn't have to wait long but it was all a bit disjointed as he kept looking for old test results and being sure he had everything in order as he was also concerned something was being missed. So echoes of the other surgeon creep in again as he is so well respected they all wonder how he got it so wrong. But got it wrong it seems he has so now I wait as he chases a couple of old tests up and decides if he wants anymore. He was going to do an abdomen x-ray but when I said I had one in November he ripped the form up lol and will check on some other things before deciding if I need any more investigations. However as things stands he is pretty positive that a transplant should be technically possible He acknowledges it could be impossible due to scar tissue as the others have already said but he thinks the chances of success are pretty good and quite alot better than the last surgeons opinion.
When I got home I had a little stash parcel waiting for me in the shape of the next two Mini Kats for the wall hanging-why do I call it that when I will probably frame it, with the variegated threads needed and also two spools of Kreinick for TW's Castle. I did a glittery conversion and have run out of how many spools I have used but this time got an extra one which 'should' be enough.

Obsessive email checking over

2006-04-15T15:22:00.000Z

And would you believe it I got the highest yet at 80%. Yay!!!! In the end I emailed my tutor as it seemed something may have gone awry and indeed it had as I should have got it 8 days ago. DOH!!!! However you have to allow them at least two weeks from the cut off date so I would have felt like I was hassling before that. I even apologised for being cheeky in my email and asking but boy am I glad I did lol.
I have popped into town today and then did a good few hours of study-enough so I can have most if not all tomorrow off. So the rest of the weekend is going to be stitching and general chill out time.
Starting to gear up for my appointment on Thursday but am expecting nothing as such as it could go anyway. Whatever scenario I work through in my head a different one will happen so I am just trying to quench my anxiety, which is not easy as I am quite stressed out at the moment in general.

Anyway Happy Easter all.

Easter decorating

2006-04-13T16:50:00.000Z

As I wasn't in the mood to do any blog decorating at Christmas I am doing some Easter things instead. I haven't gone overboard but I quite like the smiley guys I have used.
This week has been a busy one as I am trying to get ahead with my studying and also had a couple of beauty appointments today. I now feel pampered although not exactly beautiful lol. I also finished my stitching rotation so am about to embark on round 6 tonight. I am so happy with it at the moment that I am going to stick with it for awhile yet and I can see real progress on all the projects in it.
Yesterday my consultant was on his monthly visit to the unit and I had already left a message asking if something had gone amiss with my surgical appointment. I had to leave a message as its rare that he is there when I was but yesterday he was and on his way out he came over and had a quick word. He said that the appointment had been chased up and it would be next week and to await a letter in the post. Just as I was thinking it was a good job I checked the letter arrived today and had been written earlier this week so it was in hand anyway-but its reassuring to check. He then asked how my foot was and I gave him a brief overview-although Sister may already have said something. However he is happy to leave it as its causing me no problems at all and agrees with the others that it's not worth messing with it if essentially it isn't affecting my life. Which is fair enough by me and one less thing to mention at my next clinic.
I am still obsessively checking my OU email and nothing so far to report but it should literally be any time now. I have also managed to get ahead so I can have Easter day itself off and as my appointment is a very late morning one next week I don't have to have the full day off then either.
The stitching show at Shepton Mallet is coming up-I think its next week but so far I can't decide whether to go or not. I don't need anything but its nice to go and see pieces in the flesh and there maybe the odd unmissable bargain too. I was thinking maybe I couldn't spare the time as it would mean another day off from studying but I have got ahead and now the appointment won't take a whole day away I may still go.
I hope you all have a lovely Easter if I don't blog before hand and a relaxing time is had by all.

Ok maybe I really shouldn't be on this wagon

2006-04-09T14:47:00.000Z

I am a total failure at staying on the stitching wagon and just keep seeing more and more stuff I like. So far this week I have fallen for 2 Chatelaines which is no suprise I guess, and this time it is Mini M and Persian Iris Garden. I am tempted with the mini one as its the next series of gemstones and as I did all the others then I kind of want to stay in that vein. As for Persian well its a Mandala so that pretty much says it all. My resolve is not helped by the fact I have a couple of sizeable GC's to be used as well which could cover a big portion of both of these if I didn't get the whole kit especially for the garden.
I also started my mini kats wall hanging and finished the January one in around 3 days so that was good going and they are hopefully going to be good fillers inbetween my rotation.
As well as the above I have a few things on order-mostly stuff needed to finish things in progress or stash but to make shipping worthwhile a few other things may have entered the mix. But when theres a sale on whats a stitcher supposed to do?
Other than stitching I am having fun with my DS and picked up the out of stock game which I got with my package-Sonic Rush yesterday which is just WOW undescribable. I am so happy with all 3 games I got in this package and love them all. This is one hand held I won't get bored of easily.
But I still need to concentrate on the OU stuff as we are on the downward slope of it now. You wouldn't believe how stressed that makes me feel and I know its because I really don't want it to go pear shaped now. I am willing my body not to become ill until after so I know I have done it and haven't wasted months of work to come out with nothing. Actually scrub that last sentance I am willing my body not to be ill at all lol. At the moment I am waiting for the lastest assignment to be returned and as it comes via my OU email I am clicking the link oooh several times a day but it should be soon now.
Dialysis is pretty much ok but I didn't blog about the problem of last Monday. The main water filter broke and it was hours before we could actually dialyse and even then we ended up doing far less as it was evening by then and the staff just made us safe until we returned on the Wednesday morning. Other patients were transferred elsewhere and for awhile it was quite stressful as we could have ended up anywhere dialysing. The situation wasn't helped at it was Monday so we had all just had our longest stretch so really couldn't go much longer without dialysis, if there were to be no knock on effects. However the staff were fantastic at getting us all sorted and kept a level head and ensured patient safety first and although its not something that is desirable to happen it was handled very well indeed.
Right going to grab a cup of tea and a biscuit and see whats going on elsewhere. Might just go and check the OU page again!! ;-)

Stash

2006-04-01T12:20:00.000Z

I received a lovely stash parcel in the post today. I needed some threads that I couldn't find anywhere so on Paula's recommendation I went to Down sunshine lane. As it would have been crazy to buy just two threads from the USA I also got some Cougar scissors which have been raved about and if any good are a fantastic price and a scissor fob as I am a bit of a collector of them. So here is the stash:

And a close up of the scissors and fob. The charms are all stitching related and the soveriegn has I love cross stitching on it with a heart and something else I am trying to make out on it and it is just fabulous:

For now after my recent splurges I am firmly back on the wagon but had to show you this as it is so pretty.